Walk for Peace USA – Very impressed with the monks.
Before I get started, I wanted to acknowledge the 2,300-mile walk for peace in the USA that started on October 26th, 2025, and is still going on as of February 1st, 2026. The above picture must be from Texas, where they started; they are now walking in January weather, and are currently in Virginia. This is what peace and dedication look like. I feel fortunate to be able to see this on social media every day, as it is truly inspiring.
I wanted to start this post with a quote from the great James Baldwin, as it pertains to what people around the world are going through today. Sorry, no Pali Canon quotes today.
Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety. And at such a moment, unable to see and not daring to imagine what the future will now bring forth, one clings to what one knew, or thought one knew; to what one possessed or dreamed that one possessed. Yet, it is only when a man is able, without bitterness or self-pity, to surrender a dream he has long cherished or a privilege he has long possessed that he is set free-he has set himself free-for higher dreams, for greater privileges.
I live in the United States and during the last year I’ve seen our civil liberties eroding, corruption in government to a degree that is absurd, violence directed against citizens, including immigration officers actually killing US citizens, and a President that is destroying the economy, threatening other countries, bombing at least 8 other countries within the first year of his second term. Our government acts more like an organized crime organization, using threats and coercion against its citizens and the rest of the world. Many in this country fear we no longer have a democracy, but are now an authoritarian regime. No one chooses this, but it is now our reality. The anger and push back it has unleashed is of epic proportions and never seen except maybe during the civil rights protests in the 1960’s.
As one who has studied a fair amount of history, none of this is new, and many of you from other countries would have your own tales of injustice and oppression that may make what we are going through pale in comparison. Cruelty, greed, hate, seeking power, injustice, and endless wars seem to be features of the human world. The suffering from all these things has been the experience and a big part of the history of mankind. At the same time, much of mankind is kind, generous, loving, and works for a better world, not just for themselves, but also for their families, communities, nations, and the world at large. In my long lifetime, there may have been a few years you could count on one hand that we were not experiencing significant conflicts in the world resulting in thousands, if not millions, of deaths in this world. The negative human conditions caused by war, seeking power, corruption, injustice, and greed are so far part of an endless cycle of humanity. As technology has progressed, we are being bombarded by images, truths, and untruths of the atrocities being committed in our world. This real-time information flow does nothing but keep us in a state of anxiety. We either become so disturbed by it all or end up tuning it out altogether.
As the quote by James Baldwin illustrates so well, we change as our illusions are shattered and forced to give up privileges and possessions we thought we owned, but never really did. He goes on to say in the last sentence of the quote above:
“Yet, it is only when a man is able, without bitterness or self-pity, to surrender a dream he has long cherished or a privilege he has long possessed that he is set free-he has set himself free-for higher dreams, for greater privileges.”
Baldwin was not writing about Buddhism when he made this statement, but for this illusion we have about ourselves and the suffering that we experience is where I make the case for Buddhism, the 2500+ year old philosophy. While many of us in the world view the current state of things as unacceptable, we need to only look back a few decades ago to what Stalin did in Russia, Mao in China, and Hitler in Germany. According to the Pali Canon and other historical references, peace was a rare thing even in the Buddha’s time, and the personal suffering of sickness, old age, and death was not radically different from what we experience today. The Buddha was very observant as a young man, and having realized the suffering in the world, he decided to understand the root of suffering and how it could be alleviated, or more accurately, created a path to eliminate it for the individual.
After achieving clarity on how to end suffering through enlightenment, he developed an approach or method, if you will, that includes the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. This came to be known as Buddhism, the revolutionary approach to living we know today.
I don’t want to give you the wrong impression that practicing Buddhism will make this all go away if you leave the life you have and join a monastery as a monk. For people who care about others, what is happening in the world will influence their thinking. Caring people want to see justice in the world, and it deeply hurts them to see the injustice and cruelty we experience in this country and so many countries in this world. If you put it in perspective, what we see as the end of the world now is another cycle in the great historical shit show we call mankind. This probably won’t console you, but we tend to think this time in history is either unique or the worst of all time, and neither is true.
The Buddha never intended his teaching to turn us into unfeeling nihilists. Quite the contrary, he and all the enlightened ones taught compassion and followed the precepts, but they also taught detachment. To me, this is the paradox that you can create happiness in your own life with your practice, yet still recognize that suffering exists in this world and you can play a part in it to make things better. Buddhism offers a way to train the mind so that you can experience happiness through the elimination of suffering for yourself. Your responsibility is to share the dharma with others so they, too, can obtain right view and find peace in this volatile world.
Namaste
References:
Baldwin Collected Essays
“Copyright 2026 TheStoicBuddhist.com. All Rights Reserved”
This is a personal story originating from my daily journaling, so bear with me. I retired about a year and a half ago with aspirations of getting back into playing guitar again, doing my yoga and meditation practices, fixing up my house, volunteering at a charity, working on my diet, and writing a book, just to name a few things I hoped to accomplish. I eventually got to the point where I literally scheduled every hour of the day from 5:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. to fit all these things and more into each day. Inevitably, things would come up, and I would be late getting to the scheduled task for something, or I would skip it completely. The whole thing turned out to be nothing but a disappointment due to not achieving the things on my calendar, and on top of that, it made my life pretty boring.
This whole planning process for every minute of my life had been going on for a long time. When I was working, my primary role was being an IT Project Manager for various companies. I guess being a project manager for so long actually became who I was to a large degree, thus the planning affliction.
Revelation
I woke up one morning very early and told myself to let it all go. You know those pep talks you give yourself in an attempt to deal with this week’s self-imposed suffering, maybe even writing them down in a journal. I thought it would be best to try from time to time to drop the expectations. I wasn’t thinking that I didn’t need to do anything. I still realized I needed to deal with the important things, such as emergencies, appointments, cooking, cleaning, and fixing things, etc., but also to make time for things I enjoyed, which always seemed to come after everything else. I was just attempting a reset to alleviate the pressure of always needing to be productive, always achieving something.
So, with a decision not to be ruled by a calendar, I looked at my numerous goals and did a radical thing, which was to remove the dates. I deleted the start and end dates while keeping the goals, which I felt were still worthwhile. Now, understand the goals still had a priority column, so it wasn’t complete chaos, but it also took the pressure off looking at those dates and thinking Oh, you missed that one or You haven’t achieved this or that. I guess you come to a realization that you only have so much time and so much energy, and some of the things you are looking to do take significant amounts of time to make progress, and some, like playing guitar again, end up permanently on your agenda. So my desire to write a book, learn Spanish, and take up playing guitar again, along with everything else, got to be too much, so I shelved learning Spanish so I could focus on music and writing.
This all boils down to a few overarching guidelines when it comes to goal setting and how it affects what you do each day:
Deal with the basics, those things you must do for your health, family, residence, etc. These are the basics that pretty much everyone needs to deal with. You know, go to the dentist, doctor, do your grocery shopping, pay the bills, do car maintenance, and make sure your family is taken care of. The cautionary tale here is that not all of these things need to be done now, so don’t let this list of the basics monopolize all your time. Here is a stupid example: I had some new decking put in a few years ago, replacing what was there, and it took me 5 years to stain it. Seems kind of negligent, but I was working then, and I could have outsourced it, but chose to just do it later.
This is the most important thing that I decided needed to be the primary influence on how I spend my time, and that is to do the things you enjoy. If you let dealing with the basics consume all your time, or you’re working on goals that really don’t excite you, then you need to ask yourself if you are enjoying what you are doing or just trying to check off something on a task list that supports a goal that doesn’t really enrich your life.
Simplify your life. To make time for doing the things you enjoy, you need to stop doing things that you think should be done, but are not really that important. We have all heard of minimalism, and there is some value in removing things and obligations from your life so you can focus on the things you really enjoy. This is really about the ruthless pursuit of removing material things and obligations that you feel compelled to do from your life. Everything you buy needs a place to occupy in your home, and must be maintained to some degree, then possibly replaced when it is no longer functional. You think you might like a vacation home on a lake so you can go fishing, but when you buy the home, you spend your time fixing up the house, maintaining boats and docks, landscaping, furnishing the home, paying utilities and property taxes, and pretty soon you realize you don’t have any time to go fishing. Instead, renting a cottage for a week, renting a boat, or even buying a boat is a lot less costly and requires less maintenance than owning a piece of property.
Don’t spend your time trying to impress anyone. If you are doing something to impress someone instead of because you enjoy it, then drop it. To have the time to do the things you really enjoy that bring meaning to your life, there needs to be a ruthless culling of the things that, in the scheme of things, don’t enhance your life. Ask yourself, why am I doing things to impress other people? Maybe it’s all about your ego and seeking validation from others. Most of the time, you find that they really don’t care because they have their own problems and their own need for validation.
Conclusion
The Buddha taught us that life is impermanent and that things are impermanent. We will get old and die, regardless of what the tech oligarchs think. Those things that we have will no longer be ours when we are gone. Most of the societies in this world want their people to be productive, to earn, and consume more, for what is more important than economic growth and prosperity? Don’t buy into this myth that has been created, or you will never be free to pursue the things you enjoy. These things will become goals for the future, instead of what you could be doing in the present.
So realizing that what I was doing was at least partially aligned with a need to be productive over pursuing what really mattered to me, became the revelation. I also realized that I would need to keep prioritizing my happiness in the present moment and not worrying about how much was accomplished. Do that thing that you enjoy, and you will find that you will accomplish more in the long run, and as you achieve what you set out to, you will allow a little joy into this life.
I’ll wrap this up with a quote from Lao Tzu:
Namaste
“Copyright 2026 TheStoicBuddhist.com. All Rights Reserved”
I’ve recently written about various ways to foster more happiness in your life including yoga, meditation, expressing gratitude, and caring for your physical health. All of these things are wonderful ways to be happier, but still we are not as happy as we could be. Most of us are trapped in thinking that happiness is something we defer until we retire, buy that new house, find a better job, create our own business, have a more fulfilling relationship with our significant other, or any other number of things we feel will make us happy in the future.
Deferring Happiness into the Future
Unfortunately this deferring of happiness based on some future event is robbing us of it in the present. I’m not advocating that you abandon your dreams or stop pursuing your goals, but thinking that these things will make you happier is a fallacy. Don’t let the things you want in the future delay the opportunity to be happy today. Each moment that you impose these walls around yourself that are blocking you from being happy in the now is time wasted. That expensive new car, home, or pile of money will only provide temporary happiness; find a way to enjoy today for that is all you are guaranteed. No one is assured of tomorrow, no matter what your age or health. How many years will you have wasted waiting for happiness? If I only had more money, a better job, a more attractive spouse, or a bigger house, I could be truly happy. This self deception is stealing away the days, leaving you less available to those around you. Pursue your goals, but make it your purpose to be happy during the journey, not the manifestation of these things you think you want in the future.
If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present. โ Roy T. Bennett
Conclusion
Whatever you might achieve is achieved in the present moment. It is perfectly natural for human beings to want to improve their life, but thinking that some version of the future you or your future life will result in some increased level of happiness is at best speculation. However, experiencing the journey of becoming a better person in the present moment can bring happiness. Some people refer to this as being in the zone, but I would say that this is being fully present in everything you do. When you cook a meal, eat the food, take a walk, read, or talk to someone make sure you grant yourself permission to do just that thing and without thoughts of what I need to do in the future. I leave you with this Thich Nhat Hanh quote:
The heart of Buddhist practice is to generate our own presence in such a way that we can touch deeply the life that is here and available in every moment. We have to be here for ourselves; we have to be here for the people we love; we have to be here for life with all its wonders. The message of our Buddhist practice is simple and clear: “I am here for you”.ย Thich Nhat Hanh
ย
“Copyright 2024 TheStoicBuddhist.com. All Rights Reserved”
Please check out my companion blog inspirationalbookreviews.com
I appreciate all comments and likes.
Please follow my blog and you will be emailed notification of all new posts.
For over 20 years I have been studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. My interest in Buddhism began in my early forties, and now in my sixties I have a great appreciation for how this ancient philosophy has impacted my life for the better. One way to define a householder is to state what they are not. A householder is not a monk that has left their home for the monastic life. Conversely a householder as the name implies may live in a house or apartment, with or without other family members, and have a job at some point in their life. As I refer to the terms householder and layperson please consider them as the same thing for the purposes of this post. The other key difference between the layperson and the monastic is that the monastic has devoted their life to Buddhism, where the layperson has not. You probably know this already, but in pursuit of being complete I included this definition of the householder / layperson.
Challenges for the Householder
In my next few blog posts I will address the challenges of the layperson in greater detail, but for those of you that are already a Buddhist or those considering Buddhism becoming part of your life it is important to consider the challenges. It is important to know that you are not alone and there millions of people that consider themselves Buddhist’s that are not monastics. In fact householders would be the vast majority of Buddhists. I would never want to give the impression that any of these challenges are insurmountable. To me these are some of the challenges not to be confused with impediments. While not an exhaustive list, these are some of the challenges I have encountered:
Time to Practice – Unlike the monastic the householder must divide their time between their role in society, family, and work leaving much less time for their practice than a monastic.
Learning the Dharma – The householder may not have a teacher, where the monastic most certainly will. This brings out a another challenge of how does the layperson learn and interpret the dharma?
Meditation – In some ways this is both a time issue and an issue of not having a teacher. How do you learn to meditate without a teacher? This also is directly related to “Time to Practice”.
Enlightenment – What is your path to enlightenment? Is it reasonable goal for the householder? Do you think a layperson can become enlightened?
Community – The monastic has the Sangha. The Sangha is made up of Buddhist monks and nuns, or bhikkhus and bhikkhunis, who follow a strict code of discipline and teach the Dharma to other Buddhists. Typically as a householder you have no one but yourself to make you accountable for your practice. How does the householder acquire a community of like minded people all studying the dharma, meditating together, and seeking Nibbฤna?
Householder Advantages
Being a householder myself, I would be remiss if I omitted the advantages that I see for this lifestyle over that of the monastic. You might think that the householder is at a big disadvantage in advancing their practice verses the monastic, but in some ways the opposite is true.
Access to the Dharma – Over the past few decades we have seen the dharma made available to the householder in books, websites, social media, blogs, and audio recordings about Buddhism. In fact you have access to materials that even the monastic is likely to never read or listen to.
Integration – Unlike the monastic you will need to integrate Buddhism into a life that might include a job, family, friends, owning or renting a home. In many ways this is an opportunity to gauge how well your practice is progressing as you deal with the everyday issues and challenges faced by the layperson.
Customizing your Practice – As a householder your exposure to the dharma (teachings) may include different Buddhist sects such as Mahayana, Zen, Vajrayana, Tibetan, or Theravada. It is likely that your discovery of the dharma will come from various sources and in my way of thinking this may be an advantage, allowing you to customize your practice based on different texts. As a householder you might view the tenants of Buddhism in a somewhat broader context than a monastic being taught say Zen Buddhism.
Conclusion
I’m going to keep this intentionally short because I would like to do followup posts for each of the challenges and advantages for the householder listed above. One should also consider that the vast majority of those that consider themselves Buddhist’s are householders. My guess is that if you are reading this post you are a householder that is practicing Buddhism or have an interest in it.
In future posts, I would like to make a case for the Buddhist practice for the householder. The idea of the householder becoming a Buddhist is more relevant today, than it was 2500 years ago when the Buddha walked this earth. The access we have to the Dharma and tools like social media help us overcome some of the impediments we face living the life of a householder vs. a monastic. In this world consumed by greed, lust, destruction, and violence we need a north star to guide us towards a more meaningful existence and some modicum of happiness. I sincerely believe Buddhism can provide this and more…..
Call to Action
I would love to hear what you think about the challenges or advantages you encounter as Buddhist householder or someone that is interested in Buddhism.
References and Notes:
Nibbฤna is the goal of many Buddhist paths and leads to release from the cycle of rebirth and suffering. For reference Nibbฤna is the Pali word for Nirvana (enlightenment).
In Buddhism, dharma is the doctrine, the universal truth common to all individuals at all times, proclaimed by the Buddha.
Excuse the Minions above, for some reason I associate them with happiness. They make me laugh.ย
Introduction
If you asked most people what their ultimate goal in life is, probably 90% would say to be happy. Why is being happy such an elusive state of mind for most of us? We struggle to make money, raise a family, buy houses and cars, and with all that or maybe because of all that, we still don’t find a whole lot of happiness in our lives. Let me be clear about this post. These are a list of some of my own personal practices and I never intended this to be a comprehensive list of things that might make you happy. It’s not even close to a comprehensive list for me, thus the title a “A few ways to be happier“.ย
I always get a little chuckle out of the following quote:
Practices
Over the past 10 years I have tried a lot of things to increase my level of happiness and I wanted to share a fewย of those things that actually worked for me. So here are few things you might try:
Yoga – If you’ve read posts on my blog, you know I’m a big fan of practicing yoga. It is not only physically challenging, but it also helps you become calmer and more mindful. One of the things I really like about yoga is you can easily transition from a yoga session to meditation. As with meditation Yoga has a focus on the breath and mindfulness, which is why it is intertwined with meditation. A related post that I wrote some time ago that you might find interesting “How Yoga & Meditation saved my life“.
Meditate – Meditation is great for clearing the mind, overcoming negative thoughts, and setting yourself up for a great day. You don’t need to be a Buddhist to meditate. In fact even if you have a somewhat secular view of the world meditation is available to you. Of course meditation is commonly found in most spiritual practices. One of my first posts on meditation “Meditation Experiences Uno” that you might check out ifย you are new to meditating. Another post having to do with expectations you might have for your meditation practice can be found at “Meditation โ Expectations“.
Adopt a positive philosophyor spiritual practice – From a philosophical standpoint you might look into Buddhism or Stoicism. If that is not your thing then look at the spiritual practices such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or Hinduism. Whether it is adopting a positive philosophy or spiritual practice you will need to spend time in your studies and practice to obtain the benefits that are possible. You will approach each interaction from a positive perspective instead of reacting negatively to situations. Choose something that works for you. I personally study Buddhism and Stoicism, both have contributed positively to my piece of mind. A related post you might want to check out “The Stoic Buddhist“.
Quit caring about everything – I mean it, we all get wrapped up in stupid little things that won’t matter a week, a month, or a year from now. Be selective about who or what you care about, and adopt an attitude of I don’t give a shit about the rest. I’ve written a whole post on this subject “You Care too Much“.
Be present – Sounds easy, be present, live in the present moment. With all the things going on in your monkey mind being present is often very difficult. Thoughts of what I need to get done, my problems, anxiety, and out of control emotions are making it darn near impossible to just be present, but that’s where the happiness resides. Now this might just be for me, but I have always struggled with being fully present and it seemed I needed to master a lot of the other things mentioned in this posts before I could live fully in the present moment. Being fully present became the result of my Buddhist practice, yoga, meditation, not caring about everything, and not driving myself crazy doing things I hated. I’ve written about living in the present movement a number of times. This is a post I wrote a long time ago “You live in the future” that you might find amusing.
Gratitude – Develop a gratitude practice. You can do this with a journal of some type, some kind of affirmation, or as part of your meditation practice. A truly grateful person will appreciate what they have and all the good things that are to come. It has been said that he or she that is truly grateful for what they have leaves little room for unhappiness to creep in. If you have time check out “Grateful for the life you have“.ย
Stop doing things you hate – I can’t tell you how many people I know go through their day as a zombie, no smiling, no laughing, and it is all drudgery. You were not meant to live that way. Find a way to do something you can get excited about. Look for a way to transition to something better, and in the mean time do the things above and at least you will view the world in a positive way and get some enjoyment out of your current situation.ย
Conclusion
Obviously you don’t need or probably even want to do all of the things above, but even if you choose just one that you are not doing consistently today it could make a big difference in the level of happiness you experience. Interestingly, each of these practices mentioned above take a fair amount of commitment and discipline. You won’t start meditating tomorrow and magically reach enlightenment in a couple of days. Starting a grateful practice will not create instant happiness and a new philosophical or spiritual practice will probably not change your life in a week.ย
Just like going to the Gym for a few days doesn’t create a lot of new muscle or endurance, but over time adopting these practices can be life changing. While there are many other ways to increase your happiness, those I have listed above are available to most of us should we choose to pursue them.ย
This is a bit longer than my normal posts as the topic of this post is focused on the 2nd Noble Truth “the origin of dukkha” and also touches on the 3rd and 4th Noble truths. For the purposes of this blog post, you can think of craving and attachment as the same thing and will be used interchangeably. Most of my references are from books in the Pali Canon. The Pฤli Canon is the standard collection of scriptures in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, as preserved in the Pฤli language. When I mention Dhamma or Dharma I am using it as it refers to the Buddha’s teaching. I know this seems a bit obvious, but when I refer to your practice, I mean the study of Buddhism and the implementation of your studies via meditation and mindfulness.
When I think about attachment from the perspective of Buddhism. I think about craving, passion, obsession, worship, yearning, desire, lust, and appetite. The Buddha states in the Four Noble Truths:
“Bhikkhus, it is through not realizing, through not penetrating the Four Noble Truths that this long course of birth and death has been passed through and undergone by me as well as by you. What are these four? They are the noble truth of dukkha; the noble truth of the origin of dukkha; the noble truth of the cessation of dukkha; and the noble truth of the way to the cessation of dukkha. But now, bhikkhus, that these have been realized and penetrated, cut off is the craving for existence, destroyed is that which leads to renewed becoming, and there is no fresh becoming.” DN 16
So the second Noble Truth defined:
“And this, monks is the noble truth of the origination of dukkha: the craving that makes for further becoming โ accompanied by passion & delight, relishing now here & now there โ i.e., craving for sensual pleasure, craving for becoming, craving for non-becoming.” SN 56.11
Not one to second guess the Buddha Siddhartha Gautama this post will make the case that your pain and suffering, are indeed caused by your attachments. It is believed that the Buddha was born about 2500 years ago, but many of the fundamental attachments (cravings) found then are much the same today. We of course have added through technology some additional forms of attachment such as social media, porn, gaming, and a variety of drugs. Even a seemingly good habit can still be a form of attachment, especially when it becomes an obsession. In the remainder of this writing we will focus on the different forms of attachment, the price of attachment, how to destroy attachment, and what our life becomes after attachment.
As with almost everything I write there is always a personal motive, usually my own life experience that compels me to challenge the way I live and to scrutinize my own attachments. This is one of those moments where I question why I am attached to so many things and how I could eliminate or lessen these attachments.
We all live in a highly materialistic world, bombarded by advertisements that seek to create a craving for some new thing or experience. Unlike 20 years ago, your online presence creates streams of data for our friends at Google, Facebook, Instagram, Apple, and Amazon. If you’re reading this you are already aware of this and through your practice, you are seeking ways to combat this bombardment of what is simply advertising. My hope is that by the time you have finished reading this post, you will at a minimum have a better awareness of your own attachments, but beyond awareness, you will be formulating a plan to dismantle them. Ultimately the escape from the attachments leads you closer to your authentic Buddha nature.
Forms of Attachment
Attachments can take many different forms and all attachments come with a consequence. To hold on to these attachments is in direct conflict with what we seek to achieve with our practice. Attachments can be categorized in several ways:
Addictions
Often the most destructive type of attachment is being addicted to some substance or behavior. These are some of the common addictions that can be considered an attachment:
Drugs – such as cocaine, heroin, meth, and cannabis are just a few examples.
Alcohol – recent studies have shown that alcohol changes the brain and destroys cells in numerous parts of the body. While alcohol is still widely acceptable in our society it is a poison.
Nicotine in the form of cigarettes, vape, cigars, and pipes. One of the most difficult habits to break and use over the long term that comes from smoking or vaping destroys the lungs and heart.
Porn – While it probably won’t kill you it is an unhealthy distraction that wastes time and sets an unrealistic expectation of what sex should be for most people.
Sex – The attachment to sex has destroyed many a relationship, often manifesting itself in seeking out different partners to satisfy this craving.
Materialism / Things / Money
In the eternal quest for more, we become attached to things. We feel like we never have enough, regardless of how much we have accumulated. In fact, the people with the most wealth make their lives work to seek even more. We are never satisfied, never truly grateful for what we have, even though we innately know that all this stuff and money will not make us happy. Here are just a few examples of materialistic attachment:
Real estate – This is usually first your home, but once this is achieved you want a second or a third home. The extremely rich not only purchase multiple homes but also acquire vast amounts of land buying up farms to add to their portfolio of investments.
Automobiles – I’m not personally attached to automobiles, but I see that many people are. In the United States, you can get a decent new car for $20,000 – $30,000. It won’t be a BMW, but it will be reliable transportation. Instead, the average price for a new car is around $48,000. What this tells you is that a lot of people are buying cars in the $60,000 – $100,00 range. Not only doesn’t this expensive car get you from place to place any more efficiently it costs more to insure and often gets poor gas mileage.
Electronics – You have a 60” television, but why not get an 80” one? Your phone is two years old so you trade it in for the latest and greatest $1,000 phone.
Toys – Here I’m talking about acquiring boats, motorcycles, all-terrain vehicles, and any other unnecessary vehicle.
Money – You work the majority of your life, spending and accumulating money. There is an underlying fear that it is never enough, so you continue your wage slavery or run your own business so that you can acquire more money. You invest this money into stocks, bonds, mutual funds, precious metals, bitcoin, real estate, etc. so that your money can make more money increasing your wealth. Of course, you can’t take it with you so you die and leave it to your heirs or some charity of your choice.
People and Yourself
The attachment to others in its various forms is contrary to the goals of your practice. You are judging other people to find those worthy of your worship and adulation. In a way you are giving up your own ability to think and reason and giving the power to someone else. You are a follower, even when it is someone in your own family like a mother, father, spouse, or sibling. As a Buddhist even being too attached to the Buddha is perilous. The Buddha always wanted us to question what he taught to make sure we came to our own conclusions. Then there is this little thing called impermanence. That celebrity, politician, athlete, friend, or family member will someday cease to exist. As much as you may love someone being so attached to them that you can’t see yourself living without them only sets you up for what is inevitable.
Celebrities – You may admire someone who’s considered a celebrity, but attaching yourself to them and feeling that you know them is unhealthy. All you really see is a public persona, which might be quite different from who the person really is.
Politicians – How much harm has come to a particular country when the people begin looking at a politician as some deity and believe everything they say without question? Adolph Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong are great 20th-century examples of when people blindly follow someone on the road to complete destruction.
Athletes – I don’t think this is anything new. I can imagine the Romans were attached to certain Gladiators. In more recent times it might be soccer, American football, basketball, tennis, cricket, rugby, or some other sport athlete. For some people, these individuals are like gods to them. It’s not the athlete’s fault for they are only human, but when you make judgments of them beyond their athletic prowess you may be disappointed.
Spouses / Partners – One of the greatest forms of attachment may be to a spouse or partner. This all seems quite natural and good you might think. To a certain degree, it might seem that some level of attachment makes you a better partner, but what happens when it all blows up in your face? Even your relationship is impermanent; they may leave you, fall out of love with you, they may get sick, or might die. Now what are you going to do?
Family – You might be thinking that being attached to a celebrity, politician, or athlete could be an unhealthy obsession, but surely not a family member. Maybe, but being attached even to your family could become a source of pain. You have been told by society that sacrificing for your family is noble and good. In fact, it is normally something that is admired, but no one talks about the cost to you as an individual.
Self – I like to think about this as an attachment formed by this individualistic world, where we view ourselves as separate from the rest of humanity. I have a view of myself, maybe as a professional at work, or parent, child, or friend. It is true we are individuals, but we are part of a network of living beings that inhabit this world. We tend to have more in common with others than real differences. However, over the years we built a somewhat rigid definition of self and this weakens our view of us as members of the the human race. Not only do we view ourselves as unique among our homo sapiens species, but we tend to consider ourselves superior to other living beings.
Impermanence
The transient nature of life, impermanence, becomes our great realization regarding craving and desires. We realize that nothing including our money, physical form, possessions, addictions, and relationships will stand the test of time as they are all transient. We all inherently know this, but it doesn’t seem to stop us from pursuing our desires. Probably the most impermanent of things is ourselves and as a living being we have an unknown shelf life. You often hear things like well you are only alive once so go get everything you can and experience every pleasure known to humanity. Of course, for some people, impermanence provides a realization that life is precious and acquiring more stuff, working harder, and superficial pleasures are a waste of time.
While Dukkha (suffering) is caused by craving and attachment impermanence only increases our suffering as a root cause. From the Pali Canon before his enlightenment, the Buddha says:
“Before my enlightenment, O monks, while I was still a bodhisattva, it occurred to me: ‘What is the gratification in the world, what is the danger in the world, what is the escape from the world?’ Then it occurred to me: ‘Whatever pleasure and joy there is in the world, this is the gratification in the world; that the world is impermanent, bound up with suffering, and subject to change, this is the danger in the world; the removal and abandoning of desire and lust for the world, this is the escape from the world.” AN 3:101
Price of Attachment
I hope by now I have made at least a bit of a case for suffering being caused by an attachment or craving for something. Most of the things we crave end up having a dark side and can be outright destructive. In the past, I would lean pretty heavily on alcohol as a means of coping with my work and relationships. You can only guess how well that went. I wouldn’t have considered myself an alcoholic, but I did drink one or two nights a week, typically on a Friday night. I was a binge drinker and would drink until I was really drunk and passed out. About six months ago I decided to quit and while there were some initial cravings they went away over time. Just looking at this example the price of attachment was pretty significant in terms of my health and the psychological crutch it had become to help me deal with my problems. Of course, it didn’t help me deal with my problems it only made things worse. I was fortunate and hadn’t done any considerable damage to myself, but I had strained some very important relationships and had used alcohol as an escape that prevented me from dealing with my problems.
Our pursuit of these attachments whether they be an addiction, some kind of unrealistic expectation of others and ourselves, or the fact that we chose materialism over other more important things all came at a price. These attachments often eroded away our integrity, truthfulness, and spirituality. Unless one is very diligent and mindful most cravings have a tendency to increase over time driving the price you pay even higher. The ultimate price you pay for the attachment to craving is dukkha (suffering). The primary purpose of Buddhism is to free you from these cravings and ultimately eliminate suffering. We will next look at ways that can help you eliminate suffering by the cessation of suffering.
Eliminating Attachment
In the Discourse On Right View in the book of Majjhima Nikaya (MN), the venerable Sariputta addressed the monks on the meaning of Right View. In this case specifically on Craving:
“When friends, a noble disciple understands craving, the origin of craving, the cessation of craving, and the way leading to the cessation of craving, in that way, he is one of right view and has arrived at this true Dhamma.”
“And what is craving, what is the origin of craving, what is the cessation of craving, what is the way leading to the cessation of craving? There are these six classes of craving: craving for forms, craving for sounds, craving for odors, craving for flavors, craving for tactile objects, and craving for mental phenomena. With the arising of feeling there is the arising of craving. With the cessation of feeling there is the cessation of craving. The way leading to the cessation of craving is just this Noble Eightfold Path; that is right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.”
“When a noble disciple has thus understood craving, the origin of craving, the cessation of craving, and the way leading to the cessation of craving he here and now makes an end of suffering. In that way, too a noble disciple is one of right view and has arrived at this true Dhamma.” MN 9:46-55
In Buddhism, as stated in the Four Nobel Truths the cessation of craving requires that the believer follows the Eightfold Path. I won’t go into each of the steps in the Eightfold Path as that would be a book all by itself, but if eliminating suffering by ceasing all these attachments you have acquired then that is the cure. As Sariputta puts that is the “true Dhamma”.
As a householder myself, I don’t limit my aspirations to just dealing with my cravings (attachments), but I like any follower of Buddhism seek to eliminate them whenever possible. The question for the layperson or even a monastic might be is it even possible to eliminate all attachments?
My view is that it is possible to eliminate all your attachments and if it is not complete elimination to at least lessen their influence on you.
I recently read this quote by Eckhart Tolle that speaks to attachments:
“How do you let go of attachments to things? Don’t even try. It’s impossible. Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them.”
This is a profound quote because as you begin to follow the path many of the things you crave will drop away and be replaced by the Dhamma. You no longer crave more material possessions and many of your attachments will as Eckhart Tolle said just drop away.
Not All Attachments Are Equal
There are those attachments that are simply destructive such as an addiction or a propensity to commit violence versus being overly attached to other people. The first may lead to death while the former may just be mentally unhealthy. I think it might also be useful to consider what a craving or unhealthy attachment is and what a healthy aspiration is. You could make a case for materialism the acquisition of more and more things as an unhealthy attachment, but is the attachment to your family or to your practice a form of craving you need to eliminate?
I think the answer to determining if something is a craving you need to eliminate lies in the aspiration behind it. If this craving creates suffering it is an unhealthy attachment on the other hand if your attachment is born from a healthy aspiration such as helping other people then it leans more towards being a worthwhile behavior versus a destructive craving.
To a large degree, the success you have in eliminating attachments will be commensurate with your devotion to your practice. For you or anyone else to free themselves from suffering caused by craving requires change. To be clear Buddhism is not the only vehicle invented to end suffering. Many of the popular religions of the world such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Hinduism have a similar goal. The key difference is Buddhism offers a road map to end suffering in this lifetime. No deity or heaven awaits the end of suffering is available now. It would help if you believed that most of your attachments are causing the suffering you experience and you need to be willing to devote time to your practice, otherwise, the cyclical nature of craving resulting in suffering is inevitable.
Life After Attachment
There are some questions that naturally come up when one seeks to eliminate attachments. What is your life like after the destruction of attachment? Do you just fade away? Are you now just wandering through life with no goals or purpose?
I feel there are a lot of misconceptions about Buddhists. My posts are geared towards the householder or layperson, someone leading an active life, but practices Buddhism. I can’t speak to those Buddhists who live in a monastery and devote their lives solely to their practice, other than say they have devoted their life to their practice, which provides them more time to focus on it.
I can only answer the question about life after attachments have been eliminated from a personal perspective. To begin with, this whole idea of eliminating attachments is a process and I have not come to the point of eliminating all of my own cravings. I do have a realization as to what I am attached to and some understanding of the price I pay for these attachments. If nothing else I am mindful of my shortcomings and work to address them. I’m not sure that I will ever fully be free of attachments, especially to my family. This would also indicate that I have not attained Nibbana (pali) word for being enlightened. Looking at the lives of Buddhists such as the late Thich Nhat Hanh or the Dali Lama one doesn’t get the impression of some unfeeling person, instead, they appear to have been people full of life and joyous.
The question of will you still have goals? My answer is you most definitely have goals, but they may be less self-serving. Those goals that are for the betterment of the world will contribute to your peace of mind versus causing the suffering you have been experiencing chasing your cravings. As the attachments fade away your life will become fuller, you become more present, and even the way you perceive time changes. If you think that by eliminating attachments you become some non-feeling person who no longer can experience joy, love, and compassion you are mistaken. Instead, you may be eliminating anger, resentment, and greed.
Conclusion
Is there a middle way between the complete destruction of all attachments as might be a goal for a bhikkhu or nun vs. a layperson.? Even the realization and control over your attachments and desires is a positive step in the right direction. The answer to this question is directly related to the goal of your practice. If the goal of your practice is complete renunciation of all cravings and attachments then you are headed towards trying to realize Nibbana. I personally don’t believe all Buddhists must make this the goal of their practice, for the layperson or householder it may be sufficient to remove as many attachments as possible so that you are not in some state of continuous suffering (dhukka).
I think it is important that you realize that an aspiration to end suffering is not craving in itself. Think of this aspiration to end suffering as a desire. After all, you need this aspiration to be diligent in your practice. Even the fading away of a few attachments in your life will make a massive difference in the quality of your life. If it is any level of peace and mindfulness that you seek then your practice should be leading you to eliminate craving. Living in continuous suffering is the opposite of what the Buddha wanted for us.
Please comment or like. I would be very interested in your opinions on this topic.
I like this quote by Eckhart Tolle, especially the part “accept it as if you had chosen it” versus accept it because you are forced to. We often say we accept something the way it is, but do we really? It is usually more like I say I accept this, but it still pisses me off every time I think about it. This thing that I accept has tons of emotional baggage that I associate with it. I think it is stupid, I think they are ignorant, and on and on. So much for any real acceptance. In this post, I will outline the power of acceptance and what you can do to bring more acceptance into your life.
Options
To understand real acceptance you might want to look at it as a response to a situation where acceptance is one of three options:
Accept
Change
Avoid
You know you read a lot from the hustle culture crowd and the so-called productivity experts about never quitting. It’s as if you have no options and you are a complete idiot preferring masochistic tendencies to logical thought or maybe even freedom from whatever is tormenting you. Sometimes taking the exit door and “avoiding” the situation makes the most sense regardless of what the productivity geeks think. Then there is the option of embracing the situation but with the caveat that it must change for you to accept it.
When I think about acceptance I normally think about it in terms of accepting a life situation, but one can also think of it as acceptance of one’s self.
Example
There are times when a good example can add a lot of value when trying to delve deep into a concept. I recently went through a 6-month long experience that should help in this regard. This example of the need for acceptance came when I was a consultant for Amazon Web Services (AWS). I won’t mention who the customer was, but suffice to say it was a company in the Financial Services industry. The customer wanted to create a voice bot to handle calls about tax forms and account balances. The engagement was woefully underfunded and got off to a rocky start as the handoff from Sales to professional services was not as thorough as it should have been resulting in AWS professional services staffing the project with resources that did not have the right skill set. A couple weeks into the engagement I was brought in to replace the current Engagement Manager and the project was paused a few days later.
Without going into excruciating details what ensued was just one big shit show with an escalation by the customer every other week. This caused a fire drill with Amazon’s management and basically, I and others on the team were in a reactionary mode, that continued through the end of the project. The stress level was through the roof and it was difficult to maintain a positive attitude as the attack and react situation never ceased. I had considered retiring at the end of 2023, but when they came to me to bail out this engagement I decided to help out. I did my best to accept the situation, doing my best to make things better, but they did not get better. In this situation, acceptance helped me and other team members focus on delivery, while AWS management tried to pacify the customer. Leaning into acceptance was about the only option we had because the only other option for me was to quit my job at AWS. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t consider it, but then my loyalty to my team always prevented me from taking an exit to rid myself of this situation.
Choosing acceptance was really my only option. Fortunately, this was a project and was bound to end at some point, which made things a bit easier. I think if this would have been some more permanent situation, I might have decided to do something else. Accepting that this engagement would be a shit show to the very end helped me get through this situation. However acceptance did not alleviate the stress, but it did cement my resolve to do everything I could to deliver something valuable to the customer. That’s the thing about acceptance, sometimes it is all you have when the situation cannot be avoided. Being willing to say I’m going to go all in and accept the cards I’m dealt, making the best of a bad situation is necessary at times. Conversely, if every time you face some kind of difficulty and refuse to practice acceptance you will forever be running away from your problems or making them more difficult to endure.
Examples of what I had to accept during this engagement:
Critique – The customer criticized just about everything our team did and would not compromise or adopt any of the processes that we wanted to use during the engagement. We had to accept that this would be the case until the end of the engagement.
Escalation – As I mentioned the customer had a real knack for escalating to AWS upper management on Friday nights. This always created a fire drill as AWS management was in a hurry to craft some kind of response as quickly as possible. After a while, I just began to expect it and at least for me I became less reactive and emotional about it.
Help from Management – As this customer was thought to be a high-value account I was getting a lot more help from our leadership, which I wasn’t used to or really wanting. Rather than making a big deal about it and resisting their help I just smiled and accepted it.
Culture – I would say 2 or 3 months into this engagement I figured out that the customer would use leverage to get what they wanted through intimidation by threatening to cancel the engagement. They would not accept AWS as a partner but instead viewed us as a vendor to be berated. The customer culture was one of getting what they wanted via the stick versus the carrot. For a company that had been around for more than 100 years, I accepted that this aspect of their culture would be impossible to change.
The End – This was the end of my career at AWS. As this engagement unfolded I saw this as a sign from the universe or maybe a lesson learned. While I had accepted my fate during this engagement I learned that acceptance is not the only option. Even the strong finish on this engagement still left me feeling that there would be repercussions career-wise for the way this had all played out, and I didn’t want to stay around and find out if that was true or not. So not only had I accepted my fate during the engagement, but I accepted that this would be the end of my consulting career.
Road to Acceptance
There are certain things that are enablers of acceptance. I mention a few of these below that I think about when making a choice to accept a situation in my life. These include but are not limited to timing, expectations, self-acceptance, accepting others, and not accepting.
Timing
The timing of embracing acceptance is crucial. In my example above I struggled during the first couple of months to accept the situation. I complained to management about the customer, made numerous attempts to create relationships with them, and suffered from my lack of acceptance. It was kind of a pity party in my head. Why me? Why did I accept this assignment? I had numerous reasons that would not allow me to walk away from this situation but I failed to accept it early on. It would have been much easier to as Eckhart Tolle stated “accept it as if you had chosen it”. The lesson learned here is that if you decide to do something accepting the situation early on will save you untold amounts of pain and suffering. Making the decision to accept your situation the good, bad, and ugly can bring you closer to peace and mindfulness than non-acceptance.
Expectations
While the timing of when you embrace acceptance is an important aspect, equally is your expectations. You know those things we play out in our head, conversations, reactions, and outcomes. These are our expectations that set the stage for how we think about our situation or others. The thing with expectations is that sometimes we think a project will result in a certain outcome, but the reality is when things don’t go as planned we are disappointed because we had different expectations. You can apply expectations to how you think people will react or behave and then when what they do and say deviates from your expectations more disappointment sinks in. You can also have very negative expectations of certain people and when they come through you think well I expected that asshole to act that way. Understanding how expectations play into your situation goes a long way toward successfully accepting a situation. The truth is if you have a positive expectation and the results are negative you are upset and if you expect a negative outcome and you still get a negative outcome well you may not be surprised, but you won’t be happy. Maybe the answer is to tamp down your expectations, hope for the best, and accept whatever happens. Remember accepting your situation means managing your expectations and dealing with them.
Impermanence
When I think about impermanence as it applies to acceptance I see it as an enabler or detractor. The fact that everything is impermanent can make accepting a situation easier, knowing that as difficult as something is it will end. On the other hand, impermanence also applies to the time you spend on this earth, and accepting something intolerable such as an abusive relationship comes at the expense of the finite life you have. In either case acceptance and impermanence are linked together. Did impermanence play a role in Viktor Frankl surviving Nazi Concentration Camps or John McCain being a prisoner of war in North Vietnam for 5 and half years? Sometimes when you are in a battle you have accepted at work, service to your country, or watching a loved one slowly die over a period of months all you can hang on to is that it is impermanent.
Accepting yourself
The power of acceptance does not apply only to situations but starts with accepting yourself. You may have determined by now that you or any of us are not perfect. Accepting yourself with all your quirks and faults can help you in accepting situations you are going through. Many of us live our lives going forward from the past. Memories of failures to achieve something, and failure to cultivate key relationships with family and friends all inhibit what we do today. None of this bodes well for creating the life we desire, but we continue on from the past to the future. Accepting what we have been through is an important step in moving forward with the life we want. Face it we have all fucked up, not once but many times. Accept this fact and forgive yourself for the past mistakes and accept the fact that you will fuck up in the future. If you can come to terms with yourself, accepting who you are will grant yourself the space to accept situations as they are.
Accepting others
How can we accept situations without accepting others? I’m not saying you need to condone their actions or even forgive them. However, you need to accept that their behavior is not under your control, and letting what they do upset you over and over again will just make it almost impossible to accept the situation you are dealing with. The majority of the situations I mentioned in my little example above had at its core dealing with the behavior of people. When you can accept other people the way they are with all their irrational beliefs and faults you become capable of dealing with almost any situation.
Not accepting
I sometimes get really pissed off when I see motivational speakers say “Never Quit”. In my example above there was a pivotal point where I had to decide if I was going to accept my situation or remove myself from it. I chose acceptance, but there are many situations where not accepting your current situation makes sense. Here are a few examples:
I don’t accept staying at this shitty job
I don’t accept that one of my goals is unattainable
I don’t accept how someone close to me treats me badly
I don’t accept that I inherently have limitations that prevent me from living the life I desire
Sometimes not accepting your current situation is a choice that expands your world and opens you up to new possibilities.
Conclusion
You can’t go through life complaining and bitching about your current situation. At some point, you need to come to terms with your choices and accept what is as if you had chosen it. Choosing acceptance is not some weak act of submission, but instead a sign of wisdom and self-care. There is a saying nothing ventured, nothing gained. When you accept your current situation, and embrace the challenge, you become unstoppable. Life will always be challenging, painful, exciting, and filled with opportunity. When you embrace acceptance you choose to make things a bit easier. Let us face it we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I can guarantee that it will have its challenges.
People who live without accepting their current situation will forever be doomed to a life of pain and suffering. There is a quote from Gary John Bishop that I like:
โI expect nothing and accept everything.โ
Make acceptance part of your philosophy and watch how your life begins to flow with less resistance and more satisfaction.
Namaste
“Copyright 2024 TheStoicBuddhist.com. All Rights Reserved”
How can you experience the possibility of living an extraordinary life if you continue to cling to the past, or maybe more accurately relive the past over and over?
Well, you can’t!
So there must be a reason you repeat the same pattern of existence day after day. Maybe it is a fear you won’t achieve your financial goals without clinging to the life you have now. Do you think that after all these years you couldn’t possibly do any better financially unless you keep your shitty job. How many more hours, days, months, and years will you spend waiting? Your past has become your present and your present has become your future.
Do you have enough faith in yourself to do what you want to do, not what you feel is safe or reasonable?
Deep inside you realize that what you want from this life is just a decision away. The realization that each day is precious and that the future is what you make of it should be enough of a reason to stop living in this self-imposed prison. You spent most of your life living and doing for others, and now it is time to do something for yourself. Take back control of your life. Get off the fucking hamster wheel and put the past in the rearview mirror.
Planning Over Action
You don’t need another fucking plan, for Christ’s sake that’s all you do is create plans. Your new and better life only becomes available by taking action in the present moment. Fuck the plan, act!
Planning is great but only to a certain degree. When it gets to the point that 90% of your time is spent planning your future instead of acting to make it happen, you are in trouble. So you have a great idea for starting a business and you have identified the skills you will need and made a plan to acquire those skills. That’s great, now it is time to learn those new skills and execute your plan. If you wait to make sure you have planned out every little task and you have researched yourself into a coma then that opportunity may just slip away. I am personally guilty of this one. I plan out goals and reset them over and over instead of doing the things to achieve them. Guilty as charged!
You become so mired in the planning and second-guessing yourself that you aren’t accomplishing anything. You need a goal and a plan to achieve that goal, but as you probably have experienced nothing seems to go exactly as planned. There is a quote out there and I’m not sure who to attribute it to, but it makes my point.
If The Plan Doesnโt Work, Change The Plan, Not The Goal
Your plans will change as you learn more about what you are seeking but don’t give up on your goal. Your goal is created in your imagination expressing a desire or a dream. The point here is to not get into an infinite loop of planning without taking action. Revisit your plan periodically, but make sure most of your effort is not spent planning. If you like ratios maybe Action to Planning should be 10:1.
Desiring Certainty
It’s not like you don’t have any interests outside of your job as is the case with some people. You know exactly what you want to do, which is what makes not doing it such a tragedy. No, you my friend won’t take this leap of faith because you need certainty. There is no certainty in this world. You could be fired tomorrow, fall prey to a disease, or be hit by the proverbial bus. If you truly believe there is no certainty other than as the Buddhists would say that life is suffering then you could drop this whole charade.
Here is a certainty for you. If you keep clinging to the past it is certain to repeat itself and your dreams of a better life will go unfulfilled. Truly exceptional people understand that there is no certainty and they accept it. Once you understand that nothing but suffering is certain then the whole world is available to you. Just to clarify even though life is suffering there is a path to the cessation of suffering, so even suffering isn’t 100% certain. My advice is even though we seek certainty, we will never really find it. Seeking certainty is a human trait that we have used for thousands of years to help us survive on this planet. Now your desire for certainty is just an impediment to making progress. Stop It!
Brainwashing / Social Conditioning
Is it the fear of the unknown or have you just become so brainwashed and conditioned that even though the guards have left the building and opened the gate you still remain in your prison cell? Oh, hell it’s probably a little of both. Habits can be a tough thing to break, especially those that don’t serve you anymore. Maybe you have been working in a profession for twenty years or more. You feel safe in the knowledge and skills you acquired over the years. It would be nearly impossible if your whole identity wasn’t associated with this role/profession. You have become a Doctor, Lawyer, Software Developer, Security Architect, Plumber, Teacher, Social Worker, Electrician, or whatever it is you do for a living.
In fact, this profession has become your past and it has an effect on all the other factors that are holding you back from pursuing your goals, passion, or dreams. It might be that you didn’t start out wanting to be an Accountant your whole life, but over the years that is exactly what happened. It’s not only you who see yourself in a particular role, but so do the people close to you. You will hear people say that human beings are creatures of habit. That may be where it starts, but ultimately you have been brainwashed or conditioned and this role becomes your identity. You might think you are a role that you play, but you are just assuming that role for some period of time. You are a multi-dimensional being and as such you are capable of learning new things and assuming different roles, so if you spent twenty-plus years as say an Accountant it doesn’t mean you need to spend the next 20 years in that role. That’s why I like Jim Rohn’s short but profound quote:
If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.
Jim Rohn
Lack Of Confidence
Maybe it’s not just the brainwashing or desire for certainty that is holding you back. Maybe it is a lack of confidence in yourself, a feeling that changing the direction in your life and doing something completely new scares you to death. Every time you thought about doing something else in the past you talked yourself out of it. You would say to yourself that you can’t learn the skills you would need for this new type of work or even take up a new hobby. Deep inside you know that’s just bullshit! I mean how much did you know about your current role ten or twenty years ago, or back when you were in High School?
Did you ever wonder why some of the stupidest people in the world become so successful? Well, one of the things they are not lacking is confidence. In fact, I would hazard to guess that they sometimes border on being egomaniacs. I’m not advocating that you become an egomaniac, but instead, realize you have infinite potential if you just begin believing in yourself. Look at your track record and all the things you have achieved and succeded at. You need to understand that you will develop the skills you need to achieve your goals. You may not possess them now, but put in the effort and you will succeed and this will help you overcome any lack of confidence you currently have.
Advice From Those Close To You
If you love what you do for a living then keep doing it, but if you’re working at a job that bores you to death or worse yet, you hate it, move on. One of the other things that could be holding you back from taking the leap besides desiring certainty, brainwashing, or a lack of confidence may be other people. Is a family member, a spouse, or a friend advising you to keep doing what you are doing? Many of us have been raised to take care of others as our priority. Does any of this sound familiar? You don’t want to disappoint people close to you and switching careers could directly affect them. It isn’t really your uncertainty that is stopping you, but instead, it is theirs. The thing is that when it is all said and done, this life you have is actually yours, but you don’t really view it that way. Hey, you and most of humanity are either totally self-absorbed or people-pleasers.
Remember as we reviewed your own uncertainty and conditioning well those close to you also see you as a role(s), and your desire to do something different with your life is unsettling to them. Don’t be surprised when you discuss your goals with them if they aren’t ready to get on board with this new plan. So should you continue to live your life for everyone else? Hell No!
If they cannot support the new life you want to lead then here is where you have to get a little selfish. You only get one shot at this rodeo we call life and you can either claim your life or live it for others, it’s ultimately your choice.
Conclusion
We have talked about planning over action, desire for certainty, brainwashing and conditioning, lack of confidence, and advice from those close to you, as factors contributing to clinging to the past. I personally have experienced all of these and it has caused a lot of grief and procrastination. While these factors are powerful forces that keep you reliving the past, they pale in comparison to the pain that will haunt you from not pursuing a better future. These factors are dream crushers and for you and me they become convenient excuses for not pursuing our dreams.
I hope that this post has shed some light on what might be holding you back from pursuing the goals that could lead to a better life. I would love to hear what you think.
Our world is always imploring us to improve. You need to have a better physique, create some new skills so that you don’t get left behind, improve your relationships, your spirituality, learn a new language, or manage your money better. Here is the thing; the list is endless and 90% of the investment you make reading or taking classes in self improvement is pretty much worthless. Why do we get on the self improvement treadmill and never get off? Sometimes we are told we aren’t good enough, or if not that directly maybe it is something you could improve in a particular area. I fucking hate feedback! Often it’s not what other people are telling you, but what you are telling yourself. Now you know perfectly well what you might want to work on to get a little better, or maybe a lot better, but before I take any actual action, I think it would be nice to read another self improvement book to find the secret to life and then everything gets better.
My advice to you and to myself: Stop all this fucking self improvement bullshit, including planning out every little detail of your future, hoping that someday all this shit will lead to some version of your life where you will be happy, thus the Lao Tzu quote above.
You already have everything you need to be happy. Do you ever wonder why those monetary goals for a bigger house and more stuff doesn’t inspire you? In fact the things you think you need to acquire to be happy you probably already have. Stop selling yourself short because you haven’t spent 10 years mastering a skill before you can call yourself a teacher, a writer, an investor, a painter (pictures or rooms), or whatever you want to be. You already are the person you want to be, but you think I need more skills, more experience, always trying to get better. You would be better off just diving into whatever it is you want to do and learn through experience. It might not be pretty, but reading 50 books on the subject and taking countless classes won’t really get you closer to your goal.
The key difference in someone that accomplishes a lot and feels happy is that they don’t waste their time creating endless plans, reading self improvement books like The Secret, Think and Grow Rich, and on an on, which I myself am guilty of. The folks that get things done for the most part are those that spend their time doing or being. As an example they don’t dream about being a writer, instead they work from the premise that they are a writer and start writing.
While introspection can be a good thing, there is a fine line between being introspective and being totally self absorbed. When you are self absorbed you make yourself, your career, the way you feel, what’s wrong with you, and everything else a walking talking reflection of yourself. So instead of just living and enjoying each day you analyze the living hell out of yourself and others with some desire to make things better. Better for what? Well so that you can do it over and over again. You run as fast as you can chasing the shiny object which might be an idea or some material thing, just to get it and then start chasing the next thing.
The whole self improvement rabbit hole is perpetuated by a feeling that you are not good enough and need to improve. You spend a lot of your time trying to change who you are, to become smarter, more valuable, richer, and whatever else your trying to improve. Not only do you feel compelled to improve yourself, but you want other people to perceive you in a certain way, and for what?
Ultimately all this self improvement shit just leaves you exhausted and bored to death, living the same day over and over. Often we work our whole lives doing something we really don’t want to do so that you don’t have to do it in the future.
It would be better to have some belief in yourself and stop looking at yourself as some kind of self improvement project. Listen, I’m not against improving your skills, relationships, or spirituality, but these broad stroke approaches advocated by the self improvement books and courses will not get it done. Have you ever noticed that even authors you like will write one book on self improvement using a particular philosophy and when the royalties slow down, they create a new or enhanced philosophy to life that you should adopt. Aside from the obvious monetary reasons, they realize you are just a self improvement junkie, looking for another quick fix to your problems.
I like this quote by Alan Watts.
This is the real secret of life – Be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.
Alan Watts
It would be too simple to advocate for living in the present and viewing work as play as Alan Watts said. A simple truth that may be difficult to actually do, probably doesn’t resonate with most people. I mean when you could look to Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins, Mark Manson, James Clear, Dale Carnegie, Mel Robbins, Robert Kiyosaki, Stephen Covey, or Jim Kwik for wisdom instead of Buddha, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Jesus, or Muhammad then by all means do so. We as humans seek the more complex answers to our questions instead of the time tested philosophy from Buddhism, Stoicism, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.
Take it from one of the all time self improvement junkies, don’t waste your life looking to self professed gurus for wisdom. I’ve spent thousands of hours reading some of the folks I mentioned above and many more not mentioned, and for what I really learned from it all, I would have been better off sticking to the classics or spent more time meditating.
Now with that said I do include the Bible, Quran, Pali Canon, Meditations, and Letters from a Stoic as a form of self improvement. I just think this multi-billion dollar self improvement industry preys upon our feeling of not being enough or having enough. Realize you are unique in your own right and perfectly equipped to follow your own path on this thing we call life.
Be grateful for this day for many will not have this opportunity, and did not wake up. I recently lost a loved one, and as I’ve got older I began to realize how precious each day is.
To be alive is your reward, nothing more and nothing is more precious.
Wasting your time resisting what is will bring no peace of mind.
This world is imperfect, accept things the way they are and contentment will follow.
โBe content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.โ Lao Tzu
Now go about your business with a giving heart. Seek to be a blessing to others for that is your reward.
