Attaining Buddhahood is not so much a “destination” or a special “state,” but a path, or orbit. . . . To firmly establish ourselves in this orbit―to “attain Buddhahood”―means to solidify in our lives a spirit of yearning for the happiness of oneself and others, and to continuously take constructive action with that spirit. Daisaku Ikeda
Introduction
This is the 5th post in the series regarding challenges for the Buddhist Householder, and the focus of this post is on enlightenment. I recommend reading the previous posts, each of them in this sequence, if possible, before reading this, but it is not required:
As a householder, someone who is not a monastic, you may have questions about enlightenment, sometimes called awakening, also called Nirvana, or in Pali Nibbana. Maybe you are concerned that, as a householder, will I ever achieve enlightenment, or even what is the criteria for this realization?
Achieving Enlightenment
It seems like a steep hill to climb if your goal is to become enlightened as a householder. Is it possible for someone who devotes maybe an hour or two a day to their practice to become enlightened? I’m going to give you the optimistic take on this; it is not how long you have been practicing, but the quality of your practice that will determine to what degree you become enlightened.
What is enlightenment?
I think this quote from Lions Roar does a good job of explaining what enlightenment is:
“Enlightenment is the ultimate goal of Buddhist practice. Enlightenment represents the highest state of spiritual awakening and liberation from the cycle of suffering and rebirth known as samsara. It is known as nirvana/nibbana in Theravada Buddhism and bodhi in Mahayana Buddhism and is defined differently by the two schools.
When someone, through spiritual practice, gains profound insight into the nature of existence, grasping the impermanent, unsatisfactory, and selfless nature of phenomena, they’re considered to have achieved nirvana. This is known as the state of the arhat, who has achieved complete liberation from suffering and the ignorance that causes it. In Mahayana Buddhism, the definition of enlightenment is expanded to include a vow to work for the liberation of all beings.”
My own definition may vary a little from the above passage from Lions Roar, but it is similar. I often think about the Four Noble Truths, where suffering is explained. To be enlightened, one must understand suffering, the cause of suffering, have found the path to the end of suffering, and ultimately eliminate it by no longer being ruled by desire, craving, and attachments. I wrote a fairly lengthy post on The Perils Of Attachment that goes into detail regarding the various forms of attachment.
Are there stages of enlightenment?
Regarding stages of enlightenment in the Sutta Pitaka, which is part of the Pali Canon, there are four categories of Buddhists in terms of enlightenment. There are a number of sources for these four types, but Buddhist-Spirituality.com has a fairly succinct description you might find valuable. I am going to paraphrase these four stages as follows:
Stream-enterer
This means a Buddhist who has entered the stream. The stream is the Noble Eightfold Path. A stream-enterer reaches arahantship within seven rebirths upon opening the eye of the Dharma. The stream enterer has a high degree of understanding of the Dharma and is said to have Right View.
Once-returner
In this stage of enlightenment, the once returner will return at most once to the human world. The stream-enterer and once-returner are distinguished by the fact that the once-returner has weakened lust, hate, and delusion to a greater degree.
Non-returner
The non-returner does not return to the human world, or to any world lower than that, after death, thus the name non-returner. Non-returners are reborn in one of the five special worlds in Rūpadhātu called the Śuddhāvāsa worlds, or “Pure Abodes”, and there attain Nirvana (Pali: Nibbana); some of them are reborn a second time in a higher world of the Pure Abodes. The non-returner has abandoned the five lower fetters, including craving for fine corporeal existence, craving for non-material existence, conceit, restlessness, and ignorance.
Arahant
The fourth stage is that of an Arahant, a fully awakened person. They have abandoned all ten fetters and, upon death, will never be reborn in any plane or world, having wholly escaped samsara.
The above stages were developed by the Buddha and his disciples, but don’t think of them as some kind of linear path to nibbana. Through my reading about Zen Buddhism, the Pali Canon, and other Buddhism reference there are many examples of awakening that happened quite suddenly, while others took decades. For myself I have slowly chipped away at the fetters eradicating craving piece by piece, but still struggle with attachments to behavior or emotions that are very unenlightened.
Is enlightenment necessary?
I read a book called Crooked Cucumber, which is the life and Zen teaching of Shunryu Suzuki by David Chadwick. Shunryu Suzuki was a Sōtō Zen monk and teacher who helped popularize Zen Buddhism in the United States. In David Chadwick’s book, it is outlined that Shunryu Suzuki did not consider himself enlightened and even thought it was unnecessary. Suzuki practiced and taught Zazen meditation to hundreds of students in Japan and the United States, yet he did not consider himself enlightened.
By whatever definition you use for enlightenment, it is my opinion that a full Buddha-like enlightenment may not be possible in this lifetime or even necessary. In my own journey, I look primarily to the level of mindfulness by which I live my life. For me, this means am I conscious of my feelings, do I catch myself when I am about to get angry, resentful, envious, or being judgmental. Am I aware of my cravings? Another aspect might be, can you forgive those you feel have wronged you in some way in the past? Being mindful of your thoughts and feelings and then not allowing them to come to fruition by proactively stopping them in their tracks is a powerful skill to cultivate.
Conclusion
Do you need to be enlightened to benefit from your Buddhist practice? My answer would be no, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t aspire for some level of enlightenment that can bring you peace in this life. As I mentioned above, having an awareness of your thoughts and then being able to curtail them is the first step, but this is still, to some degree, a bandage; it limits the damage, but is not a cure. For me, nibbana would include overcoming suffering (craving) and not having those thoughts in the first place. Not getting angry, not being envious, not judging others, and forgiving all past discretions. So where does that leave us? If I don’t possess those negative feelings, then I can focus my energies on showing love, compassion, kindness, and appreciation for those I come into contact with and those closest to me.
Buddhism is a journey that, for some people, may culminate in enlightenment, but if Shunryu Suzuki did not consider himself enlightened, I wouldn’t be too disappointed if I did not reach the final goal. Think how joyful life could be if you eliminated even 80% of those destructive emotions and feelings from your life. I have left a link to a YouTube video below that explains in greater detail that enlightenment is simply eliminating craving and that includes the craving you have for enlightenment itself. How can you be enlightened if you are craving its existence? Maybe enlightenment is not some seminal event, but something that is achieved as you walk the Eightfold Path one step at a time. Those times that you live in the present moment not mired in the past or looking forward to some future event, you are in fact experiencing enlightenment. The focus should not be on achieving enlightenment, but deliberately eliminating craving and attachment. Don’t live your life thinking my practice is imperfect because I am not enlightened. To do that is to concede the happiness of the present moment to the future as if something is lacking. You are not broken, you are a traveler on this wonderful path we call Buddhism.
Daisaku Ikeda – Daisaku Ikeda (1928-2023) was a Buddhist philosopher, peacebuilder, educator, author and poet. He was president of the Soka Gakkai lay Buddhist organization in Japan from 1960–79 and the founding president of the Soka Gakkai International (SGI), one of the world’s largest and most diverse community-based Buddhist associations, promoting a philosophy of empowerment and social engagement for peace. He also founded the Soka schools system and several international institutions promoting peace, culture and education. Quotes on Englightenment by Daisaku Ideda
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One of the fundamental principles for a Buddhist is acquiring mindfulness from meditation. In this blog post, I will outline some challenges the householder faces in adopting a meditation practice.
Meditation Challenges
In some ways, the challenge of learning to meditate is both a time issue and an issue of not having a teacher. Where will I find the time to meditate? How do you learn to meditate without a teacher?
When I refer to meditating I am talking about sitting meditation. Let me address the time issue first. I advocate that one should meditate for 10 – 20 minutes a day. Of course, you can meditate for much longer, but if you are new to meditation 10 to 20 minutes will be adequate. If you make time to meditate for say 10 minutes a day as you begin your practice, then time shouldn’t be much of an issue. I use the 10 – 20 minute range because I’ve found it takes several minutes to get into a mindful state, and any less than 10 minutes of sitting meditation is probably insufficient to be beneficial. Being a householder you will be responsible for structuring time for your meditation practice, unlike at a temple where you meditate say twice a day at specific times.
It’s not so much do I have a teacher to learn meditation, because a householder could find a meditation teacher preferably a Buddhist if they wanted to. The broader question is how do I learn to meditate? Getting some help from a meditation teacher would be helpful, but meditation is such a personal experience, ultimately it’s about you and your meditation cushion. Few things are as solitary as your daily meditation practice and it is meant to be that way.
Learning to Meditate
I’m not going to go into great detail, but instead provide a few tips about creating the meditation practice that supports your overall Buddhist practice. I’ve written several blog posts about meditation that I will share with you here:
Meditation Experiences (Uno) – This blog post covers some of the basics like place, cushions, sitting position, duration, etc.
Meditation Experiences (Dos) – In this blog post I wrote about some of the benefits that meditation can bring to your practice.
Meditation Experiences (Tres) – Within this blog post I wrote about the expectations you should have for your meditation practice.
Mediation Experiences (Cuatro) – I describe how meditation is a key component of your practice providing you a lifeline to address the suffering of everyday life.
Most of these were written some time ago and as their title implies they cover my meditation journey. My meditation practice has continued on a regular basis to this day and as my practice has progressed I would like to share a few tips to get you started including:
Place – Buy a meditation cushion and put it in a room where you will meditate every day. This will be the place for your practice. It should be warm, but not hot, and choose a room that is as quiet as possible that will hopefully limit distractions.
Expectations – Don’t look at your meditation practice as some kind of transaction. In some forms of Buddhism meditation is the practice. You should not expect that if I sit for 20 minutes something will happen. This is not like lifting weights or running where you expect some results in terms of your physical strength or endurance.
Difficulty – I don’t know how to say it in any other way but meditating can seem difficult at times. You will be challenged by thoughts you can’t seem to get out of your head. There will be times when you don’t reach that mindful state you are seeking; just do it anyway.
Focus – As you begin your meditation practice focus on your breath, the inhalation, and the exhalation. If this isn’t working count each breath this will help drown out other thoughts. Breathe in and as you breathe out think 1, then 2, etc. until you have counted to 10, and then do it again and again. Focusing on the breath and counting the breaths will assist you in calming the monkey mind.
Doing not Studying – While I have read a few books on meditation my advice is there is a marginal benefit in studying meditation in that way. Meditation is a practice and there is no substitute for sitting on your cushion. I don’t recommend using music to get into some kind of mood. This will just distract you from being with yourself. I would also add that consistency is more important than the duration of your meditation. If you sat for say 60 minutes, but only did this once or twice a week you would have been better off sitting for 10 minutes every day.
Alternatives to Breath Meditation – There will be times when you are having problems following your breathing and your monkey mind goes crazy as thoughts rush into your mind and overcome your focus. There are a couple of techniques you might consider in addition to counting breaths:
Come up with a mantra that you would repeat to yourself silently such as:
“There is no pain, there is no suffering, only peace, mindfulness, and compassion“, repeat that over and over to drown out other thoughts. This is just and example, come up with something that is meaningful to you.
Another mantra might be around being grateful, such as:
“I am grateful for the Buddha. I am grateful for the Dharma. I am grateful for the Sangha.”
As you stray from your focus on the breath, just be mindful that you are doing so. You might think why do I have these thoughts? This is the mind watching the mind. You are aware of your thoughts and looking at them for what they are, just thoughts. Try to bring yourself back to observing your breathing. The most important thing to realize is that this is all perfectly natural and you will experience this over and over during your meditation sessions. Don’t beat yourself up over this as it is just your mind straying from your original intent.
Conclusion
Let me be very clear if I haven’t been so far. Meditation is a core practice in Buddhism. You can read all the scriptures in the Pali Canon, but if you don’t meditate you are not a Buddhist. You will learn about Buddhism from reading and videos, but unless you are meditating you are not practicing Buddhism. Meditation will help you learn about yourself, assist you in ceasing to think about the past and the future and immerse yourself in the present moment.
Learning to meditate consistently is a challenge for any Buddhist, especially the householder. All of the discipline is on you and you alone. Learning to sit in one position for 10 minutes sounds easy, but some days it is anything but easy. You will experience days where you do not want to meditate, days where you are consumed with problems and your mind is racing and the last thing you want is to sit on the cushion and meditate. Another day your lower back may hurt and you are in pain in the sitting position. Other days you have a full schedule ahead of you and want to make sure you get it all done, so you skip your meditation. Much of this is just because your meditation practice is not yet fully integrated into your life, into your routine.
In a way, you can liken your meditation practice to any good habit you adopted. Some people say it takes 30 days before something becomes a habit, other people say 90 days. Don’t make excuses that give you a reason to skip your meditation session. I have a routine where I take a shower, do about 20 minutes of yoga, and then begin my meditation practice. It has all become kind of automatic. Do I ever miss a day? Occasionally when on vacation or if I am sick, but these are the rare exceptions. Here is a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh on meditation:
“Meditation is not meant to help us avoid problems or run away from difficulties. It is meant to allow positive healing to take place. To meditate is to learn how to stop—to stop being carried away by our regrets about the past, our anger or despair in the present, or our worries about the future.” Thich Nhat Hanh
In my next post I will cover the challenge for the householder to attain enlightenment. Let me know if you found this post useful by posting a comment and a like.
References
Sangha – A word used in many Indian languages, including Sanskrit which means “association”, “assembly”, “company” or “community”; in these languages, sangha is frequently used as a surname. In Buddhism, sangha refers to the monastic communities of bhikkhu (monks) and bhikkhuni (nuns). These communities are traditionally referred to as the bhikkhu-sangha or the bhikkhuni-sangha. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sangha#
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It is wise to be like Sariputta and use your powers of discernment to determine if you believe something you have read or been taught. The sign of a healthy practice is to question what is being taught and come to your own conclusions.
Introduction
This is part of a series I am writing on Challenges for the Buddhist householder. The series started with Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism and in a previous post I explored the challenge of Time to Practice. In this post, I will elaborate on the challenge for the householder in learning the dharma.
The word dharma has multiple meanings. A simple definition is as follows:
“In Buddhist literature, dharma often refers to Buddhist teaching and practice in general. In this sense, dharma is used by Buddhists to encompass everything that was taught by the Buddha (or more precisely what a given tradition believes was spoken by him).” Source: Dharma by John Powers
In the context that I am using, I refer to the dharma as sources of information for the householder to learn and study Buddhism. This would include sources that are said to be from the Buddha and those of other Buddhist scholars.
Consider this blog post as a starting point to begin learning about Buddhism. The truth be told I could write a whole book on the challenge of learning the dharma for the householder.
Learning the Dharma
Challenge for the Householder
The householder will probably not have a teacher, whereas the monastic most certainly will. This requires the householder to often learn about the dharma on their own. Unlike some 2500 years ago when the Buddha taught the dharma, we now have multiple ways to accomplish this. In the Buddha’s time, the dharma was passed along as lectures as this was prior to any of the dharma being written down.
Now we have many books on Buddhism available to us, both in written and audio formats, podcasts, websites, videos, and local temples. In this way, we have a huge advantage, especially for the householder who can learn about Buddhism in the comfort of their own homes. This is exactly how I started my journey, reading and listening to books written by Jack Kornfield, The Dali Lama, and Thich Nhat Hanh.
Sources for the Householder
There are countless sources of information that have been published on Buddhism in many different forms. It would be somewhat counterproductive to go into too much detail here. Here are some sources of information for learning the Dharma that I am aware of:
Literature – Thousands of books have been written on Buddhism and it is not the intent of this article to cover that mountain of literature. Instead, I’ll give you a short list of those books that are most meaningful to me:
Bringing Home the Dharma by Jack Kornfield is a great book for those beginning their Buddhist studies. “Jack Kornfield brings to life a way to understand and cultivate mindfulness, compassion, loving kindness, and true wisdom that penetrates to the core of what liberation is all about.”—Jon Kabat-Zinn
Food for the Heart by Ajahn Chah – I’ve listened and have read this countless times. This is a compilation of Ajahn Chah’s lectures on Buddhism. I would say the audience is those with an intermediate or advanced knowledge of Buddhism, but even the beginner would benefit from Ajahn Chah’s teaching.
Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki. An excellent book on the Buddhist mindset and practice. “Though covering Zen basics like zazen posture, bowing, intention, and so on, Suzuki Roshi’s masterwork is hardly just for Zen people—or just for beginners, for that matter. It skillfully introduces important Buddhist concepts like non-attachment, emptiness, and enlightenment.”—Lion’s Roar
Buddhism for Beginners by Jack Kornfield. Created specifically to address the questions and needs of first-time students, here is Buddhism’s vast spiritual legacy, presented by one of America’s leading meditation teachers.
The Essential Dogen by Kazuaki Tanahashi. Eihei Dogen (1200–1253), founder of the Soto School of Zen Buddhism, is one of the greatest religious, philosophical, and literary geniuses of Japan. His writings have been studied by Zen students for centuries, particularly his masterwork, Shobo Genzo or Treasury of the True Dharma Eye. This is the first book to offer the great master’s incisive wisdom in short selections taken from the whole range of his voluminous works.
In the Buddha’s Words by Bhikkhu Bodhi (editor and translator). This might be considered for intermediate or advanced students. The American scholar-monk Bhikkhu Bodhi, whose voluminous translations have won widespread acclaim, here presents selected discourses of the Buddha from the Pali Canon, the earliest record of what the Buddha taught. Divided into ten thematic chapters, In the Buddha’s Words reveals the full scope of the Buddha’s discourses, from family life and marriage to renunciation and the path of insight. A concise, informative introduction precedes each chapter, guiding the reader toward a deeper understanding of the texts that follow. This is one of my personal favorites and if you follow my blog you will see me referencing versus from the Pali Canon with most of them coming from this book.
Great Disciples of the Buddha by Nyanaponika Thera (Author), Hellmuth Hecker (Author), and Bhikkhu Bodhi (Editor). Twenty-four of the Buddha’s most distinguished disciples are brought to life in ten chapters of rich narration. Drawn from a wide range of authentic Pali sources, the material in these stories has never before been assembled in a single volume. Conveniently annotated with the same system of sutta references used in each of the other series volumes, Great Disciples of the Buddha allows the reader to easily place each student in the larger picture of Buddha’s life. It is a volume that no serious student of Buddhism should miss.
Audio books – All books I mentioned above are also available on Audible.
Websites – Here are my favorite Buddhist websites:
https://tricycle.org/about/ – an excellent website, they publish a magazine in addition to their online presence. They require a membership fee to have full access to their website and magazine. The mission of the Tricycle Foundation is to make Buddhist teachings and practices available and to explore their traditional and contemporary expressions. Our work is inspired by the freedom of mind and heart that the Buddha taught is possible.
https://www.buddhistdoor.net/ – I found this one recently and am really impressed by the content and all it has to offer. Founded in 1995, Buddhistdoor Global (BDG) is an online Buddhist journal providing a diverse range of English-language Buddhist content to the world, centered on the Dharma and dedicated to serving Buddhist communities and helping practitioners navigate their spiritual path.
https://secularbuddhistnetwork.org/ – I find this a good place to learn about secular Buddhism and Buddhist practices in general. Contributes to the lessening of human suffering and to human flourishing – both to individual transformation and a fundamental realignment of our planetary priorities. We also seek to decrease the suffering of other sentient beings as well as to promote the flourishing of conditions that sustain life on this planet.
https://www.buddhanet.net/ – This is a wonderful website with lots of great information on Buddhism and Buddhist studies. BuddhaNet™ is the result of a vision to link up with the growing world-wide culture of people committed to the Buddha’s teachings and lifestyle, as an on-line cyber sangha. In this way, an ancient tradition and the information superhighway will come together to create an electronic meeting place of shared concern and interests.
Podcasts – I don’t use podcasts very much, but I know for some this is a great way to learn more about the dharma. Here are a few I’ve found:
YouTube – There are a couple of Buddhist YouTube channels that I watch on a frequent basis, including:
Ego Podcast (Buddhism) – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn71Yt1eMDo8Dhf7Zqy6NaA/join This is my favorite YouTube channel focused on Buddhism. The narrator is great and most of the teaching is from the Pali Canon and the quality of the videos is very good.
Doug’s Dharma – https://www.youtube.com/@DougsDharma Doug’s Dharma is a very good website for understanding a lot of the concepts in Buddhism. Doug is a very accomplished Buddhist and Philosopher. He has published at the time of this writing over 700 videos.
Local Buddhist temples/organizations – If you live in a medium to large-sized metropolitan area almost anywhere in the world you may find Buddhist temples and organizations that have a physical presence in your community. I live in the Dallas Fort Worth area of Texas USA and we have several temples and meditation centers. These temples and meditation centers offer dharma talks and opportunities for group meditation.
Do you need to choose a type of Buddhist practice?
There are several types of Buddhism that you may consider studying. In my own experience, I have studied a number of them and chose to combine their teachings into my own practice. To simplify things you should start by looking at the three primary types of Buddhism, which also encompasses other forms. The three types of Buddhism are as follows:
Theravada – This is a type of Buddhism focused on preserving the teachings of the Buddha from the Pali Canon. It is considered the oldest school of Buddhism. Other forms under the Theravada umbrella include:
Thai Forest tradition
Sri Lankan Forest Tradition
Southern Esoteric Buddhism
Modern Vipassana, or Insight movement
Mahayana – Known as the Great Vehicle or Great Path. It is the second most popular form of Buddhism. Other forms under the Mahayana umbrella include:
The Madhyamika or “Middle Way” school
The Yogacara or “yoga practice” school
The Chan / Zen / Seon schools
Pure Land Buddhism
The Jodo Shinshu school
Shingon, also known as the “mantra” school
Nichiren Buddhism
Vajrayana – Vajrayana (the “vajra” or “diamond vehicle,” signifying the indestructibility of its wisdom)
Tibetan Buddhism
Shingon Buddhism
Newar Buddhism
Secular Buddhism – This fourth type is very popular in the Western world. You can find a nice overview here called An introduction to secular Buddhism. Secular Buddhism is a ‘this-worldly’ practical and ethical philosophy, focused on the value of the dharma for and in this life.
Do you need a Teacher?
Is it necessary for the householder to have a teacher? Most of the books you will read by Buddhist teachers will advise that you have a teacher at least in the early stages of your practice to guide you along the right path. Traditionally, this has been the advice, but it may not be practical for the householder as they may not have access to a teacher. I think the answer to this question depends a lot on your personal learning style.
In my case, I prefer reading as a method for learning versus lectures. This allowed me to reread passages in the book and use things like Google search to learn more about terms like dharma, nirvana, and karma. I also found a number of really good Buddhist YouTube channels that supplemented my reading. In some ways, the YouTube channels were a substitute for lectures. My advice is to use the resources that fit your learning style in the beginning and then add resources as you progress.
Conclusion
There is no wrong way for the householder to learn about Buddhism. Like anything else it is important to expose yourself to as many sources of knowledge as possible; all will lead to a better understanding of Buddhism. My advice would include being patient with yourself and your practice. You are in the process of understanding Buddhism and creating a practice for yourself. Ultimately if you are a householder or a monastic your practice must become your own, based on your own insights, and realizations.
Personally, I have spent 25+ years learning about Buddhism and I continue to learn more every day. It is a never-ending source of joy and has benefited me in countless ways. I wish you great joy as you embark upon this journey as a Buddhist householder.
I’ll leave you with a quote from Ajahn Chah that speaks to becoming a Buddhist and the role of the dharma:
In the same way, walking the path to reach the Buddhadhamma is something each one of us must do individually, for no one can do it for us. And we must travel along the proper path of morality, concentrations, and wisdom until we attain the blessings of purity, radiance, and peacefulness of mind that are the fruits of traveling the Path. But if one has knowledge of books and scriptures, sermons, and suttas and only that–that is, only the map or plans for the journey one will never know purity, radiance, and peacefulness of mind, even if one lives hundreds of lives. Instead one will just waste time and never get to the real benefits of practice. Teachers can only point out the direction of the Path, the fruits of practice, is strictly up to each one of us. Ajahn Chah – Food for the Heart
The key takeaway from Ajahn Chah is to not be too enamored with studying texts and even hearing sermons, but instead to focus on the practice. I myself include the reading of texts as part of my practice, but really it is but a small part. Use these texts in their various forms to get a basic understanding of the dharma, but don’t make this the core activity of your practice. The real work will be in changing your thinking, removing cravings and attachments, and meditating. If your goal is to end suffering and acquire peacefulness of mind you need to put in the effort to actually implement what you have studied into your life. This is the practice.
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This post explores the challenge of finding time to practice for the Buddhist householder. The origin of this post comes from Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism where I introduced some of the challenges and advantages of studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. If you haven’t read that post I would suggest doing so before proceeding.
Challenge
As a householder you are almost certainly to have many competing priorities for your time. These challenges might include a career, family, spouse or significant other, hobbies, home maintenance, and a litany of other things vying for your time. Contrast this to the monastic that has chosen to devote the vast majority of their time to their Buddhist practice with few obligations outside of their practice, but possibly some work related to maintaining the monastery where they live.
The Buddhist householder by nature has limited time to devote to their practice and is often confronted with a society where a lot of incredibly shitty behavior is the norm. As a householder living in a Western society you are bombarded with messaging that includes advertising that encourages greed, self interest, materialism, violence, and other forms of depravity. Where our counterpart the monastic lives a more isolated less material existence. Who has more time to practice? Who has less external influences that compete with achieving the goals for their practice?
As a householder it is much more likely that you will have lapses in your practice. These are times when all the other things you need to do leave you overwhelmed and your practice suffers. This happens to me and I feel that a lapse of even a couple of days begins to affect my behavior. I start becoming less tolerant of others, more judgmental, and instead of being happy I find I start complaining about everything.
Solution
If you want to call yourself a Buddhist you must prioritize your practice. You will make little progress if you meditate once a week and infrequently study the Dharma. In my own experience you need to devote at least 30 to 60 minutes a day to meditate and study the dharma. As a householder there will be times when that is not possible so you must grant yourself the freedom to deviate from the plan from time to time. However, with that said, long lapses in your practice will have negative effects as I mentioned above. I won’t sugar coat it, as like any good habit discipline is paramount to success as a Buddhist. Like every other worthwhile thing in life from exercise, to diet, painting, writing, relationships, and playing music consistency with your Buddhist practice is required.
My attempt at humor
Also remember you don’t leave your Buddhist practice on the mediation cushion. The whole point is that your behavior begins to reflect your practice and in fact is part of your practice. When you cannot just endure, but be somewhat unfazed by the daily challenges of life, you find that your practice is working. You will find that you are more present, less disturbed by all the bullshit, and you are just happier.
Conclusion
While the Buddhist householder is challenged to find time for their practice, the challenge can be overcome with discipline and the integration of your practice into your daily activities. Can you put a price on happiness?
I’m not sure this is a quote from the Buddha, but it does speak to the benefits of your practice
The opportunity to become or maybe unveil the Buddha nature that exists deep within you is your reward. The widely held belief in Buddhism is that we all have Buddha nature at the core of our being. Often it is obscured or covered up with layers of past conditioning, but it exists. Your practice will help you uncover it. Ultimately you will either make the investment that your Buddhist practice requires or continue on with your life the way it is.
I would be interested in the challenges you have finding time for your practice. Leave a comment and we can have a dialog about your thoughts.
I’ve recently written about various ways to foster more happiness in your life including yoga, meditation, expressing gratitude, and caring for your physical health. All of these things are wonderful ways to be happier, but still we are not as happy as we could be. Most of us are trapped in thinking that happiness is something we defer until we retire, buy that new house, find a better job, create our own business, have a more fulfilling relationship with our significant other, or any other number of things we feel will make us happy in the future.
Deferring Happiness into the Future
Unfortunately this deferring of happiness based on some future event is robbing us of it in the present. I’m not advocating that you abandon your dreams or stop pursuing your goals, but thinking that these things will make you happier is a fallacy. Don’t let the things you want in the future delay the opportunity to be happy today. Each moment that you impose these walls around yourself that are blocking you from being happy in the now is time wasted. That expensive new car, home, or pile of money will only provide temporary happiness; find a way to enjoy today for that is all you are guaranteed. No one is assured of tomorrow, no matter what your age or health. How many years will you have wasted waiting for happiness? If I only had more money, a better job, a more attractive spouse, or a bigger house, I could be truly happy. This self deception is stealing away the days, leaving you less available to those around you. Pursue your goals, but make it your purpose to be happy during the journey, not the manifestation of these things you think you want in the future.
If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present. ― Roy T. Bennett
Conclusion
Whatever you might achieve is achieved in the present moment. It is perfectly natural for human beings to want to improve their life, but thinking that some version of the future you or your future life will result in some increased level of happiness is at best speculation. However, experiencing the journey of becoming a better person in the present moment can bring happiness. Some people refer to this as being in the zone, but I would say that this is being fully present in everything you do. When you cook a meal, eat the food, take a walk, read, or talk to someone make sure you grant yourself permission to do just that thing and without thoughts of what I need to do in the future. I leave you with this Thich Nhat Hanh quote:
The heart of Buddhist practice is to generate our own presence in such a way that we can touch deeply the life that is here and available in every moment. We have to be here for ourselves; we have to be here for the people we love; we have to be here for life with all its wonders. The message of our Buddhist practice is simple and clear: “I am here for you”. Thich Nhat Hanh
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For over 20 years I have been studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. My interest in Buddhism began in my early forties, and now in my sixties I have a great appreciation for how this ancient philosophy has impacted my life for the better. One way to define a householder is to state what they are not. A householder is not a monk that has left their home for the monastic life. Conversely a householder as the name implies may live in a house or apartment, with or without other family members, and have a job at some point in their life. As I refer to the terms householder and layperson please consider them as the same thing for the purposes of this post. The other key difference between the layperson and the monastic is that the monastic has devoted their life to Buddhism, where the layperson has not. You probably know this already, but in pursuit of being complete I included this definition of the householder / layperson.
Challenges for the Householder
In my next few blog posts I will address the challenges of the layperson in greater detail, but for those of you that are already a Buddhist or those considering Buddhism becoming part of your life it is important to consider the challenges. It is important to know that you are not alone and there millions of people that consider themselves Buddhist’s that are not monastics. In fact householders would be the vast majority of Buddhists. I would never want to give the impression that any of these challenges are insurmountable. To me these are some of the challenges not to be confused with impediments. While not an exhaustive list, these are some of the challenges I have encountered:
Time to Practice – Unlike the monastic the householder must divide their time between their role in society, family, and work leaving much less time for their practice than a monastic.
Learning the Dharma – The householder may not have a teacher, where the monastic most certainly will. This brings out a another challenge of how does the layperson learn and interpret the dharma?
Meditation – In some ways this is both a time issue and an issue of not having a teacher. How do you learn to meditate without a teacher? This also is directly related to “Time to Practice”.
Enlightenment – What is your path to enlightenment? Is it reasonable goal for the householder? Do you think a layperson can become enlightened?
Community – The monastic has the Sangha. The Sangha is made up of Buddhist monks and nuns, or bhikkhus and bhikkhunis, who follow a strict code of discipline and teach the Dharma to other Buddhists. Typically as a householder you have no one but yourself to make you accountable for your practice. How does the householder acquire a community of like minded people all studying the dharma, meditating together, and seeking Nibbāna?
Householder Advantages
Being a householder myself, I would be remiss if I omitted the advantages that I see for this lifestyle over that of the monastic. You might think that the householder is at a big disadvantage in advancing their practice verses the monastic, but in some ways the opposite is true.
Access to the Dharma – Over the past few decades we have seen the dharma made available to the householder in books, websites, social media, blogs, and audio recordings about Buddhism. In fact you have access to materials that even the monastic is likely to never read or listen to.
Integration – Unlike the monastic you will need to integrate Buddhism into a life that might include a job, family, friends, owning or renting a home. In many ways this is an opportunity to gauge how well your practice is progressing as you deal with the everyday issues and challenges faced by the layperson.
Customizing your Practice – As a householder your exposure to the dharma (teachings) may include different Buddhist sects such as Mahayana, Zen, Vajrayana, Tibetan, or Theravada. It is likely that your discovery of the dharma will come from various sources and in my way of thinking this may be an advantage, allowing you to customize your practice based on different texts. As a householder you might view the tenants of Buddhism in a somewhat broader context than a monastic being taught say Zen Buddhism.
Conclusion
I’m going to keep this intentionally short because I would like to do followup posts for each of the challenges and advantages for the householder listed above. One should also consider that the vast majority of those that consider themselves Buddhist’s are householders. My guess is that if you are reading this post you are a householder that is practicing Buddhism or have an interest in it.
In future posts, I would like to make a case for the Buddhist practice for the householder. The idea of the householder becoming a Buddhist is more relevant today, than it was 2500 years ago when the Buddha walked this earth. The access we have to the Dharma and tools like social media help us overcome some of the impediments we face living the life of a householder vs. a monastic. In this world consumed by greed, lust, destruction, and violence we need a north star to guide us towards a more meaningful existence and some modicum of happiness. I sincerely believe Buddhism can provide this and more…..
Call to Action
I would love to hear what you think about the challenges or advantages you encounter as Buddhist householder or someone that is interested in Buddhism.
References and Notes:
Nibbāna is the goal of many Buddhist paths and leads to release from the cycle of rebirth and suffering. For reference Nibbāna is the Pali word for Nirvana (enlightenment).
In Buddhism, dharma is the doctrine, the universal truth common to all individuals at all times, proclaimed by the Buddha.
Excuse the Minions above, for some reason I associate them with happiness. They make me laugh.
Introduction
If you asked most people what their ultimate goal in life is, probably 90% would say to be happy. Why is being happy such an elusive state of mind for most of us? We struggle to make money, raise a family, buy houses and cars, and with all that or maybe because of all that, we still don’t find a whole lot of happiness in our lives. Let me be clear about this post. These are a list of some of my own personal practices and I never intended this to be a comprehensive list of things that might make you happy. It’s not even close to a comprehensive list for me, thus the title a “A few ways to be happier“.
I always get a little chuckle out of the following quote:
Practices
Over the past 10 years I have tried a lot of things to increase my level of happiness and I wanted to share a few of those things that actually worked for me. So here are few things you might try:
Yoga – If you’ve read posts on my blog, you know I’m a big fan of practicing yoga. It is not only physically challenging, but it also helps you become calmer and more mindful. One of the things I really like about yoga is you can easily transition from a yoga session to meditation. As with meditation Yoga has a focus on the breath and mindfulness, which is why it is intertwined with meditation. A related post that I wrote some time ago that you might find interesting “How Yoga & Meditation saved my life“.
Meditate – Meditation is great for clearing the mind, overcoming negative thoughts, and setting yourself up for a great day. You don’t need to be a Buddhist to meditate. In fact even if you have a somewhat secular view of the world meditation is available to you. Of course meditation is commonly found in most spiritual practices. One of my first posts on meditation “Meditation Experiences Uno” that you might check out if you are new to meditating. Another post having to do with expectations you might have for your meditation practice can be found at “Meditation – Expectations“.
Adopt a positive philosophyor spiritual practice – From a philosophical standpoint you might look into Buddhism or Stoicism. If that is not your thing then look at the spiritual practices such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or Hinduism. Whether it is adopting a positive philosophy or spiritual practice you will need to spend time in your studies and practice to obtain the benefits that are possible. You will approach each interaction from a positive perspective instead of reacting negatively to situations. Choose something that works for you. I personally study Buddhism and Stoicism, both have contributed positively to my piece of mind. A related post you might want to check out “The Stoic Buddhist“.
Quit caring about everything – I mean it, we all get wrapped up in stupid little things that won’t matter a week, a month, or a year from now. Be selective about who or what you care about, and adopt an attitude of I don’t give a shit about the rest. I’ve written a whole post on this subject “You Care too Much“.
Be present – Sounds easy, be present, live in the present moment. With all the things going on in your monkey mind being present is often very difficult. Thoughts of what I need to get done, my problems, anxiety, and out of control emotions are making it darn near impossible to just be present, but that’s where the happiness resides. Now this might just be for me, but I have always struggled with being fully present and it seemed I needed to master a lot of the other things mentioned in this posts before I could live fully in the present moment. Being fully present became the result of my Buddhist practice, yoga, meditation, not caring about everything, and not driving myself crazy doing things I hated. I’ve written about living in the present movement a number of times. This is a post I wrote a long time ago “You live in the future” that you might find amusing.
Gratitude – Develop a gratitude practice. You can do this with a journal of some type, some kind of affirmation, or as part of your meditation practice. A truly grateful person will appreciate what they have and all the good things that are to come. It has been said that he or she that is truly grateful for what they have leaves little room for unhappiness to creep in. If you have time check out “Grateful for the life you have“.
Stop doing things you hate – I can’t tell you how many people I know go through their day as a zombie, no smiling, no laughing, and it is all drudgery. You were not meant to live that way. Find a way to do something you can get excited about. Look for a way to transition to something better, and in the mean time do the things above and at least you will view the world in a positive way and get some enjoyment out of your current situation.
Conclusion
Obviously you don’t need or probably even want to do all of the things above, but even if you choose just one that you are not doing consistently today it could make a big difference in the level of happiness you experience. Interestingly, each of these practices mentioned above take a fair amount of commitment and discipline. You won’t start meditating tomorrow and magically reach enlightenment in a couple of days. Starting a grateful practice will not create instant happiness and a new philosophical or spiritual practice will probably not change your life in a week.
Just like going to the Gym for a few days doesn’t create a lot of new muscle or endurance, but over time adopting these practices can be life changing. While there are many other ways to increase your happiness, those I have listed above are available to most of us should we choose to pursue them.
