Tag: role

Clinging to the Past

How can you experience the possibility of living an extraordinary life if you continue to cling to the past, or maybe more accurately relive the past over and over?

Well, you can’t!

So there must be a reason you repeat the same pattern of existence day after day. Maybe it is a fear you won’t achieve your financial goals without clinging to the life you have now. Do you think that after all these years you couldn’t possibly do any better financially unless you keep your shitty job. How many more hours, days, months, and years will you spend waiting? Your past has become your present and your present has become your future.

Do you have enough faith in yourself to do what you want to do, not what you feel is safe or reasonable?

Deep inside you realize that what you want from this life is just a decision away. The realization that each day is precious and that the future is what you make of it should be enough of a reason to stop living in this self-imposed prison. You spent most of your life living and doing for others, and now it is time to do something for yourself. Take back control of your life. Get off the fucking hamster wheel and put the past in the rearview mirror.

Planning Over Action

You don’t need another fucking plan, for Christ’s sake that’s all you do is create plans. Your new and better life only becomes available by taking action in the present moment. Fuck the plan, act!

Planning is great but only to a certain degree. When it gets to the point that 90% of your time is spent planning your future instead of acting to make it happen, you are in trouble. So you have a great idea for starting a business and you have identified the skills you will need and made a plan to acquire those skills. That’s great, now it is time to learn those new skills and execute your plan. If you wait to make sure you have planned out every little task and you have researched yourself into a coma then that opportunity may just slip away. I am personally guilty of this one. I plan out goals and reset them over and over instead of doing the things to achieve them. Guilty as charged!

You become so mired in the planning and second-guessing yourself that you aren’t accomplishing anything. You need a goal and a plan to achieve that goal, but as you probably have experienced nothing seems to go exactly as planned. There is a quote out there and I’m not sure who to attribute it to, but it makes my point.

If The Plan Doesn’t Work, Change The Plan, Not The Goal

Your plans will change as you learn more about what you are seeking but don’t give up on your goal. Your goal is created in your imagination expressing a desire or a dream. The point here is to not get into an infinite loop of planning without taking action. Revisit your plan periodically, but make sure most of your effort is not spent planning. If you like ratios maybe Action to Planning should be 10:1.

Desiring Certainty

It’s not like you don’t have any interests outside of your job as is the case with some people. You know exactly what you want to do, which is what makes not doing it such a tragedy. No, you my friend won’t take this leap of faith because you need certainty. There is no certainty in this world. You could be fired tomorrow, fall prey to a disease, or be hit by the proverbial bus. If you truly believe there is no certainty other than as the Buddhists would say that life is suffering then you could drop this whole charade.

Here is a certainty for you. If you keep clinging to the past it is certain to repeat itself and your dreams of a better life will go unfulfilled. Truly exceptional people understand that there is no certainty and they accept it. Once you understand that nothing but suffering is certain then the whole world is available to you. Just to clarify even though life is suffering there is a path to the cessation of suffering, so even suffering isn’t 100% certain. My advice is even though we seek certainty, we will never really find it. Seeking certainty is a human trait that we have used for thousands of years to help us survive on this planet. Now your desire for certainty is just an impediment to making progress. Stop It!

Brainwashing / Social Conditioning

Is it the fear of the unknown or have you just become so brainwashed and conditioned that even though the guards have left the building and opened the gate you still remain in your prison cell? Oh, hell it’s probably a little of both. Habits can be a tough thing to break, especially those that don’t serve you anymore. Maybe you have been working in a profession for twenty years or more. You feel safe in the knowledge and skills you acquired over the years. It would be nearly impossible if your whole identity wasn’t associated with this role/profession. You have become a Doctor, Lawyer, Software Developer, Security Architect, Plumber, Teacher, Social Worker, Electrician, or whatever it is you do for a living.

In fact, this profession has become your past and it has an effect on all the other factors that are holding you back from pursuing your goals, passion, or dreams. It might be that you didn’t start out wanting to be an Accountant your whole life, but over the years that is exactly what happened. It’s not only you who see yourself in a particular role, but so do the people close to you. You will hear people say that human beings are creatures of habit. That may be where it starts, but ultimately you have been brainwashed or conditioned and this role becomes your identity. You might think you are a role that you play, but you are just assuming that role for some period of time. You are a multi-dimensional being and as such you are capable of learning new things and assuming different roles, so if you spent twenty-plus years as say an Accountant it doesn’t mean you need to spend the next 20 years in that role. That’s why I like Jim Rohn’s short but profound quote:

If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.

Jim Rohn

Lack Of Confidence

Maybe it’s not just the brainwashing or desire for certainty that is holding you back. Maybe it is a lack of confidence in yourself, a feeling that changing the direction in your life and doing something completely new scares you to death. Every time you thought about doing something else in the past you talked yourself out of it. You would say to yourself that you can’t learn the skills you would need for this new type of work or even take up a new hobby. Deep inside you know that’s just bullshit! I mean how much did you know about your current role ten or twenty years ago, or back when you were in High School?

Did you ever wonder why some of the stupidest people in the world become so successful? Well, one of the things they are not lacking is confidence. In fact, I would hazard to guess that they sometimes border on being egomaniacs. I’m not advocating that you become an egomaniac, but instead, realize you have infinite potential if you just begin believing in yourself. Look at your track record and all the things you have achieved and succeded at. You need to understand that you will develop the skills you need to achieve your goals. You may not possess them now, but put in the effort and you will succeed and this will help you overcome any lack of confidence you currently have.

Advice From Those Close To You

If you love what you do for a living then keep doing it, but if you’re working at a job that bores you to death or worse yet, you hate it, move on. One of the other things that could be holding you back from taking the leap besides desiring certainty, brainwashing, or a lack of confidence may be other people. Is a family member, a spouse, or a friend advising you to keep doing what you are doing? Many of us have been raised to take care of others as our priority. Does any of this sound familiar? You don’t want to disappoint people close to you and switching careers could directly affect them. It isn’t really your uncertainty that is stopping you, but instead, it is theirs. The thing is that when it is all said and done, this life you have is actually yours, but you don’t really view it that way. Hey, you and most of humanity are either totally self-absorbed or people-pleasers.

Remember as we reviewed your own uncertainty and conditioning well those close to you also see you as a role(s), and your desire to do something different with your life is unsettling to them. Don’t be surprised when you discuss your goals with them if they aren’t ready to get on board with this new plan. So should you continue to live your life for everyone else? Hell No!

If they cannot support the new life you want to lead then here is where you have to get a little selfish. You only get one shot at this rodeo we call life and you can either claim your life or live it for others, it’s ultimately your choice.

Conclusion

We have talked about planning over action, desire for certainty, brainwashing and conditioning, lack of confidence, and advice from those close to you, as factors contributing to clinging to the past. I personally have experienced all of these and it has caused a lot of grief and procrastination. While these factors are powerful forces that keep you reliving the past, they pale in comparison to the pain that will haunt you from not pursuing a better future. These factors are dream crushers and for you and me they become convenient excuses for not pursuing our dreams.

I hope that this post has shed some light on what might be holding you back from pursuing the goals that could lead to a better life. I would love to hear what you think.

Namaste

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Balance Restored

One of my recent blog posts was aptly named Unbalanced. In this post I wrote about how over time your work life can go terribly wrong in the sense that it becomes your whole life. While for some people this may be fine, but for me it was a form of hell on earth. Much like addictions this working all the time lifestyle creeps up on you over time. In Unbalanced I mentioned there were three options:

  1. Accept and Adapt
  2. Do Nothing
  3. Extricate yourself from the situation

I chose number one, allowing a little acceptance and making some adaptations. First off let me say I am a huge fan of Buddhism, Stoicism, Yoga, and meditation; practicing each of these on a daily basis. The problem is no matter how much you read or spend time meditating you cannot escape the chaos that often ensues on a daily basis during your work day. I’m not saying that it doesn’t help, but it cannot by itself save you. You might be saying well your the Stoic Buddhist, so what the hell! My response is don’t stop your practice, in the end it will improve all aspects of your life, but it only marginally helps you deal with some shit show at work.

Well as I mentioned I choose door number one to practice some acceptance for the situation and then make a few adaptations so that I might make things more bearable.

I like this Anthony Hopkins quote as he lets you know that other peoples opinions of you are of no concern, and that expecting nothing and accepting everything may serve you well. While this is a great mantra to live by, it does not preclude you from taking action. This is where the adaptation comes in. This is the Merriam Webster definition of Adaptaption.

adaptation

Essential Meaning of adaptation

1: something that is adapted especially: a movie, book, play, etc., that is changed so that it can be presented in another form. His stage adaptation of the novel was a success.The film is an adaptation of a book of the same title.

2: a change in a plant or animal that makes it better able to live in a particular place or situation. The insect’s evolutionary adaptations enable it to be almost invisible even when sitting in the middle of a leaf.

3: the process of changing to fit some purpose or situation : the process of adapting a tool designed for easy adaptation

I would suggest that number two and three apply in this case. With acceptance you begin to achieve number two, allowing you to better live in a particular place or situation. While acceptance is awesome you also need to actively manage the situation. So making some changes to the way you approach your work allows you to adapt to the situation much easier.

Well all this leads us to adapting the way you approach this situation, in this case your workaholic tendencies and ways to alleviate the negative narrative you have about it.

  • If you start with I expect nothing and accept everything you relieve yourself of trying to control it all and stop judging it as a negative experience. Lets face it there are a lot of things that are out of our control and when we worry, resent, become angry, or provide any kind of emotional response to these situation we are opening the door for more suffering.
  • Another method that helps you adapt to all the annoying shit at work is to stop giving a fuck about everything. If someone says something demeaning or criticizes your work you can get upset and at the time if might deeply offend you, but you really don’t know their motives and in many ways you should not give a fuck. Save your energy for the things you really care about and stop letting all the other crap make you crazy.
  • The last little tip that helped me was to set some limits around your free time. This might include not attending every meeting you are invited to, or getting the administrative stuff done on Friday so you don’t have to work on the weekend. Look for ways to begin balancing work with your personal time. You might even take a day off now and then. We all think what we do is so important and without us the world will come to the end and your project will fail without your 24 hour a day monitoring. Once you realize that none of this is true, you begin to give yourself some freedom and the job that was killing you no longer seems so daunting.

When it is all said and done your job is really not all that important and you are not that important to your employer. Maybe what is important to you is doing quality work that you enjoy or realizing your efforts at work are contributing to your family. Find those 2 or 3 things you really value and let those provide some level of satisfaction. As I’ve mentioned before when you start caring about everything you are on the road to becoming a workaholic and ultimately experiencing burnout.

If you just can’t adapt and the situation at work is not improving you can always find a way to exit. This might mean taking another position in your own company, or asking for a different assignment, and if all else fails finding a new job. In this job market anyone with the right skills is now calling the shots and there are a lot of opportunities to be found. Remember self torture by trying to endure a situation beyond a reasonable amount of time is not your best choice.

Namaste

Meditation Experiences – Dos

In my prior post Meditation Experiences – Uno I wrote about how I started meditating and to some degree why I decided to try meditation. In this post, I would like to make a case for meditation, the benefits if you will at least from my own perspective. Some of you may have tried meditating in the past and found it difficult if not almost impossible to just sit and count breaths. You may have been so busy thinking about what you need to do, that the whole process was just painful and seemed very unproductive. Here is the problem, it takes time to create a habit of meditating and the first 5 or 10 sessions may seem difficult at first, but like any good habit, you will need to make the investment before seeing any returns. You may feel like nothing is happening here and I am still letting my monkey mind dominate my meditation session and then something begins to change and you start to both enjoy and benefit from the experience. Mind you it might have taken a month or longer to get to this point, but it does happen.

Why did this seemingly simple thing, just sitting and breathing suddenly become enjoyable? Here are a few benefits I have received from meditating:

  • Being Present – I began to understand that my monkey mind and drive to be always doing something that supported my goals was preventing me from just enjoying the process of meditating. I was so anxious that I was spending all of my time recalling the past and then at the same time thinking about what I needed to do in the future. So instead of looking at meditation as just another thing to check off my to-do list, I began looking forward to it because it helped me be in the present. In fact, I often tell myself while meditating “You are present” or “You are here”, this often helped to drown out the thinking about the future, which often dominates my thoughts. What I’m really saying here is you are fucking yourself over by thinking you need to be productive all the time. This was part of my problem, I was looking at meditation as a kind of goal or thing I had to do, instead of just appreciating how it was helping me live in the present moment.
  • Discover Your True Self – As I continue to meditate I have begun to realize that there are things more important than my job or who I thought I was. Meditation helps you get in touch with who you really are. This doesn’t happen immediately, but over time you begin to realize there is the actual you, not some role you play. Maybe it is your true self, you know the compassionate, introspective, and loving person you actually are. For me, meditation is helping to peel back the layers of responsibility and anxiety that dominates much of our lives as we spend our time trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations.
  • Calms the Mind – Meditation is one of the few things I have found that breaks the monkey mind pattern of thinking and calms the mind. When I finish a session I feel renewed and free if even only for a while. You might get a similar feeling from walking on a nice day when you are not bothered by cars or loud noises. While I love a good long walk and find it very relaxing it feels different than meditating. The aftereffect of meditation is more like a reset or rebooting of the mind to a state of calm and clarity.

I know that there are many other benefits that could be attributed to meditation, but for me, these are the ones I have noticed a couple months into the practice.

 

So is it worth it? 

My answer is a resounding Yes! 

 

Final Parting Shot

The mistake I made in the last year or so is that I would start out very consistent and then my practice would fizzle out. I simply did not put a high enough priority on it, missing many days, stopping and starting. Those benefits of being present, discovering yourself, and calming your mind come from daily practice. I’m not saying I never miss a day, but it has become pretty rare now, and if something prevents me from doing it at my regular time, I fit it in later in the day.

I would love to hear about the benefits you attribute to your own meditation practice, leave me a comment.

I hope to write another post soon as this wonderful journey continues.

Do good and stay safe.

Namaste

 

Note: I wrote this post using Grammarly, which really helps. Give it a try, it works with WordPress and Google Docs.

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This post was proofread by Grammarly.

If you would like to support this blog, check out the awesome selection of eBooks at:

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Visit my other blog Inspirational Book Reviews where I review some incredible literature.

 

 

Only one imperative

Why is it so difficult to just be yourself? I think there are two impediments to being you:

  1. We don’t know ourselves. We have spent so much time playing a role whether that be in your family or at work, we have completely lost touch who we really are.
  2. The second impediment is that society, in general, wants to categorize us by race, gender, ethnicity, profession, political party, and wealth just to name a few.

Impediment #1

We don’t know ourselves – If you are like me, you spend countless hours agonizing over what you do for a living, which means you become a role that you play for the majority of your waking hours. You become so focused on excelling at this role that your whole identity becomes wrapped up in it. Now if this role is aligned or a by-product of who you really are then you have hit the jackpot, but sadly for most of us, this just isn’t true. Instead of figuring out who we really are we just assume the role and spend the rest of our life living our life in that paradigm. Instead of pursuing our dreams we just assume the role of Doctor, Nurse, Data Scientist, Software Developer, Uber Driver, Mother, Father, Son, Daughter, or whatever. Most of our life is then spent living up to the expectations needed to fulfill that role.  It’s fucking madness and we do it day after day until we die. At some point, we realize this and become unhappy with these roles and begin looking inside ourselves for an answer.

Impediment #2

Society – In the United States, we like to think we are all born equal, with inalienable rights, to life, liberty, and happiness. Nice sentiment, but it’s mostly bullshit. Our society like the societies in most countries tries to categorize us by political affiliations like left or right, black or white, male or female, rich or poor, and so on. As people, we begin associating our identity to these groupings. I can say I am a Democrat or a Republican and as such, I believe this or that. You don’t even have to think about it just assume some group identity and you are set for life, and most people don’t think about it. Once you have been categorized you are more easily controlled and can be marketed to. Yes, you become a target audience for whatever propaganda the government or a corporation wishes to sell you. You might think I sound like some paranoid anarchist at this point, but hear me out. Look at your Instagram feed for a moment, notice how the advertisements are targeted at you based on your browsing history or Google searches. You, my friend, are a target market and Facebook or Google have already categorized you as someone who needs to see these particular ads.

The Door

What if there was a door that you could open that would help you find your true self and start living a life free from assumed roles and identities. The door is your own rational mind, your freedom of choice if you will. To begin exercising this freedom of choice you need to stop doing a few things:

  • Stop thinking of yourself as only a role – Yes, you may play roles, but don’t let those roles overtake a huge amount of your conscious mind. You are not a role, but you may perform a function related to a role, just remember you are not a fucking role.
  • Stop being categorized – People will try to categorize you as liberal or conservative, but don’t fall for that trap. Use rational judgment when it comes to any issue versus groupthink. I know it’s easier to just follow the herd and adopt their ideology, but if you make that choice you are abandoning yourself for the group. I don’t label myself as liberal or conservative and can still exist in this world. The more you affiliate yourself with these groups the less independent you become.

For me, you can’t just stop living as a role or allowing yourself to be affiliated with society’s categorization of you. If you don’t take action you will be pulled back into the Vortex or at the very least spend the rest of your life rebelling against it, and neither of those fates will help you know yourself. Finding yourself then requires you to start doing some things:

  • Spend time by yourself – Finding yourself often means that you need to be alone. This might mean you take long walks, practice yoga, read books, or try meditating. This time you spend with yourself allows you to think and also isolates you from outside influences. I started both meditating and doing yoga in the morning before work and it has had a profound influence on how I see the world, for you it might be just taking a nice long walk, listening to music, running, or whatever you can do by yourself.
  • Value your time – You can’t really become introspective and think for yourself if you spend countless hours watching YouTube, Netflix, or Hulu. The same thing applies to scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Let’s say you work 8 hours a day or more, then you spend the next 8 hours watching cable news, or one of the other forms of media I just mentioned. Each of these forms of media seeks to influence the way you think, and you know dam will that it does. You won’t learn anything about yourself watching all this shit, it will only detract from your goal of being yourself.

You are not a role, you are not some category, you are a unique individual that deserves to pursue things that interest you. Think for yourself, make decisions in your best interest. Do something today that will help you understand who you really are.

Namaste


This post was proofread by Grammarly.

If you would like to support this blog, check out the awesome selection of eBooks at:

Mind, Body, Spirit books at eBooks.com

If eBooks aren’t your thing, check out my Resources page for additional ways to support this blog.

Visit my other blog Inspirational Book Reviews where I review some incredible literature.

 

Casting off attachments

Casting off attachments

One of the primary concepts in Buddhism is that impermanence is an undeniable fact of human existence.  For each of us this means that nothing in our lives is permanent, not our job, not our health, not our relationships, not even our state of mind. If we can accept that nothing lasts forever and that it will inevitably change then we are more capable of understanding attachment.

Many of us are attached to who we think we are because of what we do for a living. We secretly know that whatever it is we do will not last, but we still place great emphasis on this role. We often use this role in society to attach some value to ourselves, and yes whatever we do is often in exchange for money, so it does have value. It strokes our ego to be paid for some form of expertise and we attach ourselves to this title be it a Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher, Judge, Accountant, CEO, CIO, Director, or whatever it might be. We scheme and plan for the next role using our expertise to acquire more money, a higher position, or some other ego enhancing attribute. We have attached our self to this persona and we find comfort in the fact that others find value in utilizing our skills.

Yet this attachment goes beyond the role we have chosen for ourselves that generates income. We start to attach ourselves to political parties, calling ourselves a Republican, Democrat, or Libertarian. Our attachments are strong, as you have often heard people say I’m a lifelong Republican or Democrat. If this were not enough we attach ourselves to things such as cars, homes, boats, jewelry, stocks, bonds, gold or some other material thing. We attach ourselves to other people like a family member, a spouse, co-worker, or a friend. We also attach ourselves to a self image of the way we look and our health good or bad.

With all these attachments we become very reliant on our role, organizations, health, things, and people for defining our identity. All of this is a house of cards, we will not escape the reality of impermanence, for every one of these things that we think defines our life are constantly changing. These attachments ultimately lead to one disappointment after another, as they unravel before our eyes and I assure you they will.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying what you do for a living, but remember at some point it will change. Even the most successful Doctor finds a time when he or she can no longer practice medicine, or no longer wants to. Strong attachments will create pain as they are broken and this is what this post is about. I’m not advocating that you live a life where you don’t care about anything or anyone, but you must let loose of the attachment to these things. Accept the fact that your life will change and that you will change physically, mentally, and spiritually. Do you really want your self worth tied to some profession? When you were born were you predestined to be a doctor, lawyer, executive, or factory worker? You made choices to pursue various lines of work and became what you pursued. Drop that attachment, you are not what you do for a living, and it does not define you, and as sure as it started it will end or change.

Start thinking about what you are attached to and how you can be open to things beyond your attachments. Can you find it in yourself to be less dependent on what you do for a living, organizations, people, and things. If you can, I assure you that you will become more care free; you will still care but you will not let these attachments dictate your happiness. To free yourself from attachments is a key step to following the way. I will see you on the path.

Namaste

 

Random thoughts

Random thought number one.

April again and the flowers are beginning to bloom here in Dallas. The cycle begins again, cleaning up the leaves, and planting flowers and assorted replacements for the vegetation that didn’t make it. This time of year is probably the best of the seasons with temperatures in the high 60’s to mid 80’s Fahrenheit. Once we get into June everything will start cooking as the heat is turned up, and we are looking at 3 to 4 months with little to no rain. In the north east part of Texas it looks a lot like north west Ohio, pretty flat and non impressive to the eye. Still it is nice to live in a climate where winter really only lasts a couple of months, and even those two months are pretty mild. You can count on two hands how many times the temperature dipped below freezing.

house in north texas
house in north texas

Random thought number two.

I find little solace in the repetitive nature of life, and this is probably a sign that I am getting bored with the routine of it all. Lately I have become more and more aware of my place in my family as the one that must work to support everyone else, not just financially, but in so many other ways. It has always been my role, maybe not consciously, and probably driven by other more selfish motivations, but then again everyone has a role in every organization be it a family, business, non-profit, or religious institution. There is no complaint here, but only a long overdue awareness, of my place in the structure of the family. Awareness kind of sucks!

Daily routine is killing me
Daily routine is killing me

Random thought number three.

I have always wondered if they needed project managers in Jamaica? Just thinking that might be kind of a nice place to live for a while. There is something different about the people that live there, along with the incredible climate and ocean. Lots of things to like about Jamaica and few to dislike.

Cliffs Negril Jamaica
Cliffs Negril Jamaica

Random thought number four.

Why in the hell is it that every-time I drive into the office I feel like I am in a NASCAR race? Is it really necessary to change lanes five times in a quarter mile, go 20 miles over the speed limit so that you can hit the brakes at the red light? It’s not that I am adverse to driving fast, but I also don’t view the whole process as some sort of stock car race. After all what is your hurry, are you afraid you might be late for your all important job, or are you as I might suspect just a selfish jerk who thinks they own the road?

My drive in to the office
My drive in to the office

Random thought number five.

Know your role and shut up! Don’t consider these random thoughts as complaints, they are merely a form of rambling discourse. In most cases your role in life evolved for good reasons and you were the chief architect that created it. If you can’t handle your role then go find another one, otherwise know your role and shut your mouth. There is nothing more useless than people complaining about there job, family, church, friends, or the government. In fact this kind of bitching was so offensive that I opted out of Facebook, just so I didn’t have to be exposed to everyone’s bitching and whining.

Know your role
Know your role

I’m done for now, stay tuned for the next installment.