Tag: habit

Challenges for the Householder – Meditation

Introduction

This is the fourth post in the series regarding challenges for the Buddhist Householder. I recommend reading each of them in this sequence:

Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism

Challenges for the Householder – Time to Practice

and my most recent post Challenges for the Householder – Learning the Dharma

One of the fundamental principles for a Buddhist is acquiring mindfulness from meditation. In this blog post, I will outline some challenges the householder faces in adopting a meditation practice.

Meditation Challenges

In some ways, the challenge of learning to meditate is both a time issue and an issue of not having a teacher. Where will I find the time to meditate? How do you learn to meditate without a teacher?

When I refer to meditating I am talking about sitting meditation. Let me address the time issue first. I advocate that one should meditate for 10 – 20 minutes a day. Of course, you can meditate for much longer, but if you are new to meditation 10 to 20 minutes will be adequate. If you make time to meditate for say 10 minutes a day as you begin your practice, then time shouldn’t be much of an issue. I use the 10 – 20 minute range because I’ve found it takes several minutes to get into a mindful state, and any less than 10 minutes of sitting meditation is probably insufficient to be beneficial. Being a householder you will be responsible for structuring time for your meditation practice, unlike at a temple where you meditate say twice a day at specific times.

It’s not so much do I have a teacher to learn meditation, because a householder could find a meditation teacher preferably a Buddhist if they wanted to. The broader question is how do I learn to meditate? Getting some help from a meditation teacher would be helpful, but meditation is such a personal experience, ultimately it’s about you and your meditation cushion. Few things are as solitary as your daily meditation practice and it is meant to be that way.

Learning to Meditate

I’m not going to go into great detail, but instead provide a few tips about creating the meditation practice that supports your overall Buddhist practice. I’ve written several blog posts about meditation that I will share with you here:

Meditation Experiences (Uno) – This blog post covers some of the basics like place, cushions, sitting position, duration, etc.

Meditation Experiences (Dos) – In this blog post I wrote about some of the benefits that meditation can bring to your practice.

Meditation Experiences (Tres) – Within this blog post I wrote about the expectations you should have for your meditation practice.

Mediation Experiences (Cuatro) – I describe how meditation is a key component of your practice providing you a lifeline to address the suffering of everyday life.

Most of these were written some time ago and as their title implies they cover my meditation journey. My meditation practice has continued on a regular basis to this day and as my practice has progressed I would like to share a few tips to get you started including:

  • Place – Buy a meditation cushion and put it in a room where you will meditate every day. This will be the place for your practice. It should be warm, but not hot, and choose a room that is as quiet as possible that will hopefully limit distractions.
  • Expectations – Don’t look at your meditation practice as some kind of transaction. In some forms of Buddhism meditation is the practice. You should not expect that if I sit for 20 minutes something will happen. This is not like lifting weights or running where you expect some results in terms of your physical strength or endurance.
  • Difficulty – I don’t know how to say it in any other way but meditating can seem difficult at times. You will be challenged by thoughts you can’t seem to get out of your head. There will be times when you don’t reach that mindful state you are seeking; just do it anyway.
  • Focus – As you begin your meditation practice focus on your breath, the inhalation, and the exhalation. If this isn’t working count each breath this will help drown out other thoughts. Breathe in and as you breathe out think 1, then 2, etc. until you have counted to 10, and then do it again and again. Focusing on the breath and counting the breaths will assist you in calming the monkey mind.
  • Doing not Studying – While I have read a few books on meditation my advice is there is a marginal benefit in studying meditation in that way. Meditation is a practice and there is no substitute for sitting on your cushion. I don’t recommend using music to get into some kind of mood. This will just distract you from being with yourself. I would also add that consistency is more important than the duration of your meditation. If you sat for say 60 minutes, but only did this once or twice a week you would have been better off sitting for 10 minutes every day.
  • Alternatives to Breath Meditation – There will be times when you are having problems following your breathing and your monkey mind goes crazy as thoughts rush into your mind and overcome your focus. There are a couple of techniques you might consider in addition to counting breaths:
    • Come up with a mantra that you would repeat to yourself silently such as:
      • “There is no pain, there is no suffering, only peace, mindfulness, and compassion“, repeat that over and over to drown out other thoughts. This is just and example, come up with something that is meaningful to you.
      • Another mantra might be around being grateful, such as:
        • “I am grateful for the Buddha. I am grateful for the Dharma. I am grateful for the Sangha.”
    • As you stray from your focus on the breath, just be mindful that you are doing so. You might think why do I have these thoughts? This is the mind watching the mind. You are aware of your thoughts and looking at them for what they are, just thoughts. Try to bring yourself back to observing your breathing. The most important thing to realize is that this is all perfectly natural and you will experience this over and over during your meditation sessions. Don’t beat yourself up over this as it is just your mind straying from your original intent.

Conclusion

Let me be very clear if I haven’t been so far. Meditation is a core practice in Buddhism. You can read all the scriptures in the Pali Canon, but if you don’t meditate you are not a Buddhist. You will learn about Buddhism from reading and videos, but unless you are meditating you are not practicing Buddhism. Meditation will help you learn about yourself, assist you in ceasing to think about the past and the future and immerse yourself in the present moment.

Learning to meditate consistently is a challenge for any Buddhist, especially the householder. All of the discipline is on you and you alone. Learning to sit in one position for 10 minutes sounds easy, but some days it is anything but easy. You will experience days where you do not want to meditate, days where you are consumed with problems and your mind is racing and the last thing you want is to sit on the cushion and meditate. Another day your lower back may hurt and you are in pain in the sitting position. Other days you have a full schedule ahead of you and want to make sure you get it all done, so you skip your meditation. Much of this is just because your meditation practice is not yet fully integrated into your life, into your routine.

In a way, you can liken your meditation practice to any good habit you adopted. Some people say it takes 30 days before something becomes a habit, other people say 90 days. Don’t make excuses that give you a reason to skip your meditation session. I have a routine where I take a shower, do about 20 minutes of yoga, and then begin my meditation practice. It has all become kind of automatic. Do I ever miss a day? Occasionally when on vacation or if I am sick, but these are the rare exceptions. Here is a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh on meditation:

“Meditation is not meant to help us avoid problems or run away from difficulties. It is meant to allow positive healing to take place. To meditate is to learn how to stop—to stop being carried away by our regrets about the past, our anger or despair in the present, or our worries about the future.” Thich Nhat Hanh

In my next post I will cover the challenge for the householder to attain enlightenment. Let me know if you found this post useful by posting a comment and a like.

References

Sangha – A word used in many Indian languages, including Sanskrit which means “association”, “assembly”, “company” or “community”; in these languages, sangha is frequently used as a surname. In Buddhism, sangha refers to the monastic communities of bhikkhu (monks) and bhikkhuni (nuns). These communities are traditionally referred to as the bhikkhu-sangha or the bhikkhuni-sangha. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sangha#

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Namaste

Meditation Experiences – Dos

In my prior post Meditation Experiences – Uno I wrote about how I started meditating and to some degree why I decided to try meditation. In this post, I would like to make a case for meditation, the benefits if you will at least from my own perspective. Some of you may have tried meditating in the past and found it difficult if not almost impossible to just sit and count breaths. You may have been so busy thinking about what you need to do, that the whole process was just painful and seemed very unproductive. Here is the problem, it takes time to create a habit of meditating and the first 5 or 10 sessions may seem difficult at first, but like any good habit, you will need to make the investment before seeing any returns. You may feel like nothing is happening here and I am still letting my monkey mind dominate my meditation session and then something begins to change and you start to both enjoy and benefit from the experience. Mind you it might have taken a month or longer to get to this point, but it does happen.

Why did this seemingly simple thing, just sitting and breathing suddenly become enjoyable? Here are a few benefits I have received from meditating:

  • Being Present – I began to understand that my monkey mind and drive to be always doing something that supported my goals was preventing me from just enjoying the process of meditating. I was so anxious that I was spending all of my time recalling the past and then at the same time thinking about what I needed to do in the future. So instead of looking at meditation as just another thing to check off my to-do list, I began looking forward to it because it helped me be in the present. In fact, I often tell myself while meditating “You are present” or “You are here”, this often helped to drown out the thinking about the future, which often dominates my thoughts. What I’m really saying here is you are fucking yourself over by thinking you need to be productive all the time. This was part of my problem, I was looking at meditation as a kind of goal or thing I had to do, instead of just appreciating how it was helping me live in the present moment.
  • Discover Your True Self – As I continue to meditate I have begun to realize that there are things more important than my job or who I thought I was. Meditation helps you get in touch with who you really are. This doesn’t happen immediately, but over time you begin to realize there is the actual you, not some role you play. Maybe it is your true self, you know the compassionate, introspective, and loving person you actually are. For me, meditation is helping to peel back the layers of responsibility and anxiety that dominates much of our lives as we spend our time trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations.
  • Calms the Mind – Meditation is one of the few things I have found that breaks the monkey mind pattern of thinking and calms the mind. When I finish a session I feel renewed and free if even only for a while. You might get a similar feeling from walking on a nice day when you are not bothered by cars or loud noises. While I love a good long walk and find it very relaxing it feels different than meditating. The aftereffect of meditation is more like a reset or rebooting of the mind to a state of calm and clarity.

I know that there are many other benefits that could be attributed to meditation, but for me, these are the ones I have noticed a couple months into the practice.

 

So is it worth it? 

My answer is a resounding Yes! 

 

Final Parting Shot

The mistake I made in the last year or so is that I would start out very consistent and then my practice would fizzle out. I simply did not put a high enough priority on it, missing many days, stopping and starting. Those benefits of being present, discovering yourself, and calming your mind come from daily practice. I’m not saying I never miss a day, but it has become pretty rare now, and if something prevents me from doing it at my regular time, I fit it in later in the day.

I would love to hear about the benefits you attribute to your own meditation practice, leave me a comment.

I hope to write another post soon as this wonderful journey continues.

Do good and stay safe.

Namaste

 

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All the little things matter

Take some time today to analyze all the things you do today. What is your routine comprised of? We tend to think I need to make a massive change, quit my job, and move to Bali where I will be a writer and contemplate the various sunrises or sunsets. I contend you don’t need to make a massive change in your life for you to fulfill your dreams, but instead you need to start making sure those daily habits become a contributor and not a detractor to the life you envision.

You have all of these little habits each day that you perform that dictate your results, so this is a good place to start. Let’s say you want to be a writer, artist, or entrepreneur. What activities are you doing that contribute to this goal? If your habit is to get up late, dive in the shower, and drink three cups of coffee so you can make it to work at the last minute you are missing an opportunity to do something to contribute to the life you want to live. What if you just got up a couple hours early and worked on that thing you are passionate about? Well you would then spend 2 hours working towards your goal, or in aggregate 14 hours per week, or 728 hours a year. Could you accomplish something with 728 hours of effort, hell yes!

What if you wanted to become healthier, and instead of watching 3 hours of Netflix, Amazon Prime, or YouTube you spent an hour working out doing something good for your body. None of this shit a revolutionary change in your life or maybe for you it is, but the daily application of these new found habits accumulate over time and lead to massive results. Listen Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the success and satisfaction you seek won’t magically happen. You don’t need to destroy everything you have or do to improve, but you do need to make sure you have these supportive habits that occur on a frequent basis for you to start living the life you want for yourself.

Someone will always be selling you some new way to turn your life around, but all these ideas of reprogramming who you are usually don’t work. You have become what you were in the past, all these habits and ways of looking at life have been engrained over many years of just being you. Stop thinking you need to remake yourself, your not fucked up, but you are also not so locked into your past that you can’t start making changes. Don’t buy into this shit that you are broken and need to be re-built, you and I know there are a lot really great things that you are doing, and yes maybe somethings from your past that are holding you back from being an even better version of yourself.

Say it with me:

“Today I will make one small change that will contribute to the life I want to live”

Namaste


If you would like to support this blog, check out the awesome selection of eBooks at:

Mind, Body, Spirit books at eBooks.com

If eBooks aren’t your thing, check out my Resources page for additional ways to support this blog.

Visit my other blog Inspirational Book Reviews where I review some incredible literature.

This post was proofread by Grammarly.