Tag: discipline

Challenges for the Householder – Meditation

Introduction

This is the fourth post in the series regarding challenges for the Buddhist Householder. I recommend reading each of them in this sequence:

Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism

Challenges for the Householder – Time to Practice

and my most recent post Challenges for the Householder – Learning the Dharma

One of the fundamental principles for a Buddhist is acquiring mindfulness from meditation. In this blog post, I will outline some challenges the householder faces in adopting a meditation practice.

Meditation Challenges

In some ways, the challenge of learning to meditate is both a time issue and an issue of not having a teacher. Where will I find the time to meditate? How do you learn to meditate without a teacher?

When I refer to meditating I am talking about sitting meditation. Let me address the time issue first. I advocate that one should meditate for 10 – 20 minutes a day. Of course, you can meditate for much longer, but if you are new to meditation 10 to 20 minutes will be adequate. If you make time to meditate for say 10 minutes a day as you begin your practice, then time shouldn’t be much of an issue. I use the 10 – 20 minute range because I’ve found it takes several minutes to get into a mindful state, and any less than 10 minutes of sitting meditation is probably insufficient to be beneficial. Being a householder you will be responsible for structuring time for your meditation practice, unlike at a temple where you meditate say twice a day at specific times.

It’s not so much do I have a teacher to learn meditation, because a householder could find a meditation teacher preferably a Buddhist if they wanted to. The broader question is how do I learn to meditate? Getting some help from a meditation teacher would be helpful, but meditation is such a personal experience, ultimately it’s about you and your meditation cushion. Few things are as solitary as your daily meditation practice and it is meant to be that way.

Learning to Meditate

I’m not going to go into great detail, but instead provide a few tips about creating the meditation practice that supports your overall Buddhist practice. I’ve written several blog posts about meditation that I will share with you here:

Meditation Experiences (Uno) – This blog post covers some of the basics like place, cushions, sitting position, duration, etc.

Meditation Experiences (Dos) – In this blog post I wrote about some of the benefits that meditation can bring to your practice.

Meditation Experiences (Tres) – Within this blog post I wrote about the expectations you should have for your meditation practice.

Mediation Experiences (Cuatro) – I describe how meditation is a key component of your practice providing you a lifeline to address the suffering of everyday life.

Most of these were written some time ago and as their title implies they cover my meditation journey. My meditation practice has continued on a regular basis to this day and as my practice has progressed I would like to share a few tips to get you started including:

  • Place – Buy a meditation cushion and put it in a room where you will meditate every day. This will be the place for your practice. It should be warm, but not hot, and choose a room that is as quiet as possible that will hopefully limit distractions.
  • Expectations – Don’t look at your meditation practice as some kind of transaction. In some forms of Buddhism meditation is the practice. You should not expect that if I sit for 20 minutes something will happen. This is not like lifting weights or running where you expect some results in terms of your physical strength or endurance.
  • Difficulty – I don’t know how to say it in any other way but meditating can seem difficult at times. You will be challenged by thoughts you can’t seem to get out of your head. There will be times when you don’t reach that mindful state you are seeking; just do it anyway.
  • Focus – As you begin your meditation practice focus on your breath, the inhalation, and the exhalation. If this isn’t working count each breath this will help drown out other thoughts. Breathe in and as you breathe out think 1, then 2, etc. until you have counted to 10, and then do it again and again. Focusing on the breath and counting the breaths will assist you in calming the monkey mind.
  • Doing not Studying – While I have read a few books on meditation my advice is there is a marginal benefit in studying meditation in that way. Meditation is a practice and there is no substitute for sitting on your cushion. I don’t recommend using music to get into some kind of mood. This will just distract you from being with yourself. I would also add that consistency is more important than the duration of your meditation. If you sat for say 60 minutes, but only did this once or twice a week you would have been better off sitting for 10 minutes every day.
  • Alternatives to Breath Meditation – There will be times when you are having problems following your breathing and your monkey mind goes crazy as thoughts rush into your mind and overcome your focus. There are a couple of techniques you might consider in addition to counting breaths:
    • Come up with a mantra that you would repeat to yourself silently such as:
      • “There is no pain, there is no suffering, only peace, mindfulness, and compassion“, repeat that over and over to drown out other thoughts. This is just and example, come up with something that is meaningful to you.
      • Another mantra might be around being grateful, such as:
        • “I am grateful for the Buddha. I am grateful for the Dharma. I am grateful for the Sangha.”
    • As you stray from your focus on the breath, just be mindful that you are doing so. You might think why do I have these thoughts? This is the mind watching the mind. You are aware of your thoughts and looking at them for what they are, just thoughts. Try to bring yourself back to observing your breathing. The most important thing to realize is that this is all perfectly natural and you will experience this over and over during your meditation sessions. Don’t beat yourself up over this as it is just your mind straying from your original intent.

Conclusion

Let me be very clear if I haven’t been so far. Meditation is a core practice in Buddhism. You can read all the scriptures in the Pali Canon, but if you don’t meditate you are not a Buddhist. You will learn about Buddhism from reading and videos, but unless you are meditating you are not practicing Buddhism. Meditation will help you learn about yourself, assist you in ceasing to think about the past and the future and immerse yourself in the present moment.

Learning to meditate consistently is a challenge for any Buddhist, especially the householder. All of the discipline is on you and you alone. Learning to sit in one position for 10 minutes sounds easy, but some days it is anything but easy. You will experience days where you do not want to meditate, days where you are consumed with problems and your mind is racing and the last thing you want is to sit on the cushion and meditate. Another day your lower back may hurt and you are in pain in the sitting position. Other days you have a full schedule ahead of you and want to make sure you get it all done, so you skip your meditation. Much of this is just because your meditation practice is not yet fully integrated into your life, into your routine.

In a way, you can liken your meditation practice to any good habit you adopted. Some people say it takes 30 days before something becomes a habit, other people say 90 days. Don’t make excuses that give you a reason to skip your meditation session. I have a routine where I take a shower, do about 20 minutes of yoga, and then begin my meditation practice. It has all become kind of automatic. Do I ever miss a day? Occasionally when on vacation or if I am sick, but these are the rare exceptions. Here is a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh on meditation:

“Meditation is not meant to help us avoid problems or run away from difficulties. It is meant to allow positive healing to take place. To meditate is to learn how to stop—to stop being carried away by our regrets about the past, our anger or despair in the present, or our worries about the future.” Thich Nhat Hanh

In my next post I will cover the challenge for the householder to attain enlightenment. Let me know if you found this post useful by posting a comment and a like.

References

Sangha – A word used in many Indian languages, including Sanskrit which means “association”, “assembly”, “company” or “community”; in these languages, sangha is frequently used as a surname. In Buddhism, sangha refers to the monastic communities of bhikkhu (monks) and bhikkhuni (nuns). These communities are traditionally referred to as the bhikkhu-sangha or the bhikkhuni-sangha. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sangha#

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Namaste

Challenges for the Householder – Time to Practice

Introduction

This post explores the challenge of finding time to practice for the Buddhist householder. The origin of this post comes from Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism where I introduced some of the challenges and advantages of studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. If you haven’t read that post I would suggest doing so before proceeding.

Challenge

As a householder you are almost certainly to have many competing priorities for your time. These challenges might include a career, family, spouse or significant other, hobbies, home maintenance, and a litany of other things vying for your time. Contrast this to the monastic that has chosen to devote the vast majority of their time to their Buddhist practice with few obligations outside of their practice, but possibly some work related to maintaining the monastery where they live.

The Buddhist householder by nature has limited time to devote to their practice and is often confronted with a society where a lot of incredibly shitty behavior is the norm. As a householder living in a Western society you are bombarded with messaging that includes advertising that encourages greed, self interest, materialism, violence, and other forms of depravity. Where our counterpart the monastic lives a more isolated less material existence. Who has more time to practice? Who has less external influences that compete with achieving the goals for their practice?

As a householder it is much more likely that you will have lapses in your practice. These are times when all the other things you need to do leave you overwhelmed and your practice suffers. This happens to me and I feel that a lapse of even a couple of days begins to affect my behavior. I start becoming less tolerant of others, more judgmental, and instead of being happy I find I start complaining about everything.

Solution

If you want to call yourself a Buddhist you must prioritize your practice. You will make little progress if you meditate once a week and infrequently study the Dharma. In my own experience you need to devote at least 30 to 60 minutes a day to meditate and study the dharma. As a householder there will be times when that is not possible so you must grant yourself the freedom to deviate from the plan from time to time. However, with that said, long lapses in your practice will have negative effects as I mentioned above. I won’t sugar coat it, as like any good habit discipline is paramount to success as a Buddhist. Like every other worthwhile thing in life from exercise, to diet, painting, writing, relationships, and playing music consistency with your Buddhist practice is required.

My attempt at humor

Also remember you don’t leave your Buddhist practice on the mediation cushion. The whole point is that your behavior begins to reflect your practice and in fact is part of your practice. When you cannot just endure, but be somewhat unfazed by the daily challenges of life, you find that your practice is working. You will find that you are more present, less disturbed by all the bullshit, and you are just happier.

Conclusion

While the Buddhist householder is challenged to find time for their practice, the challenge can be overcome with discipline and the integration of your practice into your daily activities. Can you put a price on happiness?

I’m not sure this is a quote from the Buddha, but it does speak to the benefits of your practice

The opportunity to become or maybe unveil the Buddha nature that exists deep within you is your reward. The widely held belief in Buddhism is that we all have Buddha nature at the core of our being. Often it is obscured or covered up with layers of past conditioning, but it exists. Your practice will help you uncover it. Ultimately you will either make the investment that your Buddhist practice requires or continue on with your life the way it is.

I would be interested in the challenges you have finding time for your practice. Leave a comment and we can have a dialog about your thoughts.

Namaste

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Desire

Random Thoughts / Poetry

Desire

Desire stands alone

Desire determines your success

Desire can create discipline or destroy it

leaHealthy desire begets achievement

Un-healthy desire results in destruction

Desire fuels persistence

Lack of desire results in boredom and the mundane

A leader without desire is just a manager

What do you desire?

 

Namaste

 

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Your Grateful Practice

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything for this blog. I’m not sure why, but it is what it is as they say. I have written about being grateful and actually writing it down in the past, although my own adherence to this advice was somewhat intermittent at best, until about 6 months ago. I broke down and bought a journal partly because I had always read that hand writing things down has more of an impact than typing them. For me that seemed to ring true. So everyday or almost everyday I get up early and at about 5:00 a.m. I start writing in my journal what I am grateful for and then I add a little thing called Decree to the Universe.

The Decree to the Universe is to a large degree a realization that your grateful practice is providing you. It may take the form of an affirmation or at least a way of being, even if it only lasts for the day ahead of you.

Sometimes I write very conventional statements of being grateful for things like my family or my home, and sometimes very simple things like this cup of coffee is pretty damn good. At other times I write what I think I am becoming. All of this journaling takes about 10 minutes of your time. Write down what you are grateful for and then some Decree to the Universe; read it back to yourself slowly so that you really feel it.

One of the things I noticed is that all the benefits I list below, did not happen for me overnight. It seems like it took months to attain the full effect that a grateful practice can provide. Maybe I’m a bit slow, but in any case it appears that perseverance matters.

So why go to all this bother? Well there are a few good reasons:

  1. It’s hard to start your day as an asshole if you just listed a number of things you are grateful for.
  2. It begins to distance you from the woe is me and isn’t this world unfair way of thinking.
  3. You start appreciating even the little things more intensely and you really start appreciating the people around you.
  4. It makes you more focused on who you really are or who you should be than the pain ass that you can be even to people very close to you.
  5. You eventually become more mindful, which ultimately results in you becoming a happier person.

Just a note here, there is really no need to buy some special grateful journal any decent journal with lines on it will do the trick.

Here is an example from my journal this morning. I may post more in the future.

Namaste

Discipline

discipline-for-Random Thoughts post

It has been a while since I’ve written anything philosophical as I’ve been writing mostly book reviews of late. If you read my last blog post on InspirationalBookReviews.com called Cant’ Hurt Me you might wonder what affect a book like this might have on your life. There are a lot of takeaways from that book but for me the primary ones include:

  • Toughen up – Both mentally and physically. If you read the book David Goggins uses a lot of physical challenges to toughen not just his body, but also his mind.
    • Are you seeking some kind of easy life where people throw money or accolades at you because you think you deserve it?
    • Are you expecting certain outcomes, that all work out due to your magnificent plans?
    • Neither of these scenarios are likely to happen and most likely you will be challenged on a daily basis and you will need more than a little toughness, perseverance, relentlessness, or whatever you want to call it to make shit happen.
  • Discipline – Get your lazy ass off the couch or chair and do something everyday that you can be proud of. This might be going for a run, practicing yoga, martial arts, Pilates, strength training, studying, writing, playing music or whatever floats your boat. Don’t say it’s too cold or it’s raining outside, just lace up the shoes and go do it. You can’t just hope you will gain some form of mastery or health sitting around thinking about it. You need to do it and do it over and over again, because that’s what discipline is all about.
  • Complaining – We have a litany of excuses such as my legs are sore, I’m just too tired, or I am just not feeling it today. Maybe something happened at work and we feel it necessary to complain about some perceived injustice committed against us. The list of things to complain about goes on and on and on. Stop this shit! Complaining about anything serves no useful purpose and will only drag you down and increase your level of despair.

The next little bit of advice comes from the book Unfu*k Yourself by Gary Bishop that I wrote a review for in July of 2018. Let me preface this with saying this is my list of stuff that pertains to my life and you can just insert your own list. Gary Bishop essentially said:

If it doesn’t serve your goals, then quit doing it.

The context that he was using that statement was around free will and he was saying if you want to know how much free will you have just try and stop doing all the shit you know you shouldn’t be doing. However for me I looked at it as more of a challenge to identify all the crap I was doing that didn’t serve me.

Now we all have a list of shit we need to stop doing because these behaviors don’t even remotely serve us in any capacity. My list of shit I need to stop doing, which is on my whiteboard as I write this includes:

  • Living in the future
  • Resenting people and situations
  • Letting my ego control my thoughts
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Caring about what other people think
  • Unhealthy habits such as drinking alcohol, smoking, and eating crappy food

This is by no means an exhaustive list for me as I continue to find ways to mess stuff up in my life, but it’s a nice start.

If any of this resonates with you I would love to know what your list of things you are going to give up that don’t serve you anymore.

I am a strong believer in incremental improvement, so you might start with just one of the items on your list. Maybe you are not exercising or can’t seem to get your work done on time, so the thing you want to stop doing is “procrastinating”. The incremental approach to un-fucking your life dictates that you start slow and go for a walk in the morning or go to work earlier than usual and work on your assignments. Now you are starting to build some self discipline that begins to replace your tendency to procrastinate. Guess what your life is getting better and it wasn’t all that painful or was it?

Giving up something also implies you will need to replace it with something else. This helps you fill the void left by abandoning that thing that didn’t serve with something that is either the opposite or a healthy substitute. So in my case some endless fascination with “Living in the Future” would imply I need to start “Living in the Present”. I’m not going to go into details about how I am doing that in this blog post; that is a topic for another day.

I wish you all the best!

Namaste

 

The Happiness Illusion (updated)

 

happiness is not good enough

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
― Ernest Hemingway, The Garden of Eden

You are constantly bombarded by self help gurus that preach the mantra that happiness is the primary goal for you life. Take some time to observe your own life and calculate the amount of time each day or week where you feel truly happy. I’m not talking about the times you feel content, challenged, or at peace, but instead the emotion of feeling very happy or elated. If you are forever chasing some state of happiness where the majority of the hours of the day are filled with happiness, then you are setting yourself up to experience yet another emotion, which will be a feeling of disappointment. You immediately jump to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me. I must be doing something wrong or I would be happy all the time, instead of the brief forays into happiness I am currently experiencing.

I’m guessing your day is filled with time spent in some or all of the following emotions:

  • Feeling anxious.
  • Frustration with yourself, others, or some man made process or rule.
  • Feeling challenged by your work and/or people you work with.
  • Loving others or feeling loved.
  • Feeling the fear of the unknown or known.
  • Anger or being pissed off about something or someone.
  • Self loathing for not living up to your own expectations or the expectations of others.
  • Envy for things or envious of what others have.
  • Fleeting moments of bliss or happiness.
  • Satisfaction with accomplishing something or learning something new.
  • Feeling uninspired or tired.
  • Feeling appreciated or unappreciated.
  • Desiring stuff, money, sex, or some mind altering drugs or alcohol.

I could go on and on with this list of emotions we experience often on a daily basis. We are filled with all these thoughts that affect our well being and all the yoga and mediation in the world will not eradicate them from your mind, believe me I’ve tried. Give yourself a fucking break, you are an emotional bundle of somewhat uncontrollable thoughts and you know it. Don’t and I mean do not let some dumb ass on YouTube tell you that if you buy this, or practice this, all of this will go away, and your life will become one big vacation. You can’t exist in some state of continuous bliss; you are not the Dali Lama. Sure you can seek enlightenment and end all this suffering and discontent, and I hope you achieve it someday, but on the off chance you don’t then you are going to have to learn to live in the world you currently inhabit.

I think happiness is overrated, there are many other emotional states that should occupy your mind; those that are more valuable to you and to others. I’m not saying you should live in some state or misery, but chasing a state of happiness is an illusion. Replace that quest with these feelings or life goals:

  • Taking responsibility for you life, your work, and your decisions.
  • Feeling challenged by your work and the fulfillment you feel when you step up to take on the challenge, win or lose.
  • Feeling good about yourself because you are working at being more disciplined.
  • Being grateful for all the shit you have; just look around you and notice the type of life that many are merely existing in, and you will see you have a lot to be grateful for.
  • Developing an appreciation for the people in your life, family, friends, co-workers, and customers.
  • The quiet satisfaction you feel from learning that came from reading, studying, experimenting, watching, and listening.
  • Desiring more from yourself or desiring more from life than you are currently getting. Desiring more for your life is not a bad thing. A lot of great things have been done by people with a burning desire to accomplish something.

Suffering builds character

In fact I would challenge you to consider that happiness as your constant state of mind would put you at a big disadvantage in life when it comes to achieving what you want. You need to experience difficult times, challenges, and a certain amount of pain to grow as a person. Maybe you can be satisfied by all the obstacles you have overcome to be where you are today, instead of wishing for a life of ease and self gratification. If the totality of life consisted of sitting on a beach in the Caribbean and drinking one Margarita after another how happy would you be then?

Think back on all the things you have accomplished, the events in your life that bring back good memories. What about the time you landed that job you wanted, or met that special person, or obtained that degree or certification you worked so hard for. I’ll bet you weren’t sitting around bullshitting yourself in some blissful state of euphoria; instead you got off your ass and took action. Quit wishing for happiness and start doing something constructive; in the long run you will feel a whole lot better about yourself.

I used to watch all this motivational shit on YouTube from Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Eric Thomas, Les Brown, and Bob Proctor, but instead of motivating me it made me feel dissatisfied with my work and my life in general. To tell you the truth these people have some good ideas, but ultimately they are trying to sell you one of their books or have you come to their seminar. Meanwhile they make you feel unfulfilled about your life so they can generate more sales and then you just feel like shit when you could have been enjoying the life you have.

You already know what you need to change in your life to progress. You certainly don’t need someone else to tell you the areas of your life that are pretty fucked up.

Let me leave you with this quote from Gary John Bishop that comes from his book UNFU*K Yourself:

I expect nothing and accept everything!

Try living your life for a while expecting nothing and accepting everything that happens to you. If you expect to be happy all the time and can’t accept it when life sucker punches you then you are doomed my friend. Drop the stupid expectations and take life as it is served up to you, then you can at least control the suffering and enjoy the good stuff.

Namaste