This post explores the challenge of finding time to practice for the Buddhist householder. The origin of this post comes from Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism where I introduced some of the challenges and advantages of studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. If you haven’t read that post I would suggest doing so before proceeding.
Challenge
As a householder you are almost certainly to have many competing priorities for your time. These challenges might include a career, family, spouse or significant other, hobbies, home maintenance, and a litany of other things vying for your time. Contrast this to the monastic that has chosen to devote the vast majority of their time to their Buddhist practice with few obligations outside of their practice, but possibly some work related to maintaining the monastery where they live.
The Buddhist householder by nature has limited time to devote to their practice and is often confronted with a society where a lot of incredibly shitty behavior is the norm. As a householder living in a Western society you are bombarded with messaging that includes advertising that encourages greed, self interest, materialism, violence, and other forms of depravity. Where our counterpart the monastic lives a more isolated less material existence. Who has more time to practice? Who has less external influences that compete with achieving the goals for their practice?
As a householder it is much more likely that you will have lapses in your practice. These are times when all the other things you need to do leave you overwhelmed and your practice suffers. This happens to me and I feel that a lapse of even a couple of days begins to affect my behavior. I start becoming less tolerant of others, more judgmental, and instead of being happy I find I start complaining about everything.
Solution
If you want to call yourself a Buddhist you must prioritize your practice. You will make little progress if you meditate once a week and infrequently study the Dharma. In my own experience you need to devote at least 30 to 60 minutes a day to meditate and study the dharma. As a householder there will be times when that is not possible so you must grant yourself the freedom to deviate from the plan from time to time. However, with that said, long lapses in your practice will have negative effects as I mentioned above. I won’t sugar coat it, as like any good habit discipline is paramount to success as a Buddhist. Like every other worthwhile thing in life from exercise, to diet, painting, writing, relationships, and playing music consistency with your Buddhist practice is required.
My attempt at humor
Also remember you don’t leave your Buddhist practice on the mediation cushion. The whole point is that your behavior begins to reflect your practice and in fact is part of your practice. When you cannot just endure, but be somewhat unfazed by the daily challenges of life, you find that your practice is working. You will find that you are more present, less disturbed by all the bullshit, and you are just happier.
Conclusion
While the Buddhist householder is challenged to find time for their practice, the challenge can be overcome with discipline and the integration of your practice into your daily activities. Can you put a price on happiness?
I’m not sure this is a quote from the Buddha, but it does speak to the benefits of your practice
The opportunity to become or maybe unveil the Buddha nature that exists deep within you is your reward. The widely held belief in Buddhism is that we all have Buddha nature at the core of our being. Often it is obscured or covered up with layers of past conditioning, but it exists. Your practice will help you uncover it. Ultimately you will either make the investment that your Buddhist practice requires or continue on with your life the way it is.
I would be interested in the challenges you have finding time for your practice. Leave a comment and we can have a dialog about your thoughts.
For over 20 years I have been studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. My interest in Buddhism began in my early forties, and now in my sixties I have a great appreciation for how this ancient philosophy has impacted my life for the better. One way to define a householder is to state what they are not. A householder is not a monk that has left their home for the monastic life. Conversely a householder as the name implies may live in a house or apartment, with or without other family members, and have a job at some point in their life. As I refer to the terms householder and layperson please consider them as the same thing for the purposes of this post. The other key difference between the layperson and the monastic is that the monastic has devoted their life to Buddhism, where the layperson has not. You probably know this already, but in pursuit of being complete I included this definition of the householder / layperson.
Challenges for the Householder
In my next few blog posts I will address the challenges of the layperson in greater detail, but for those of you that are already a Buddhist or those considering Buddhism becoming part of your life it is important to consider the challenges. It is important to know that you are not alone and there millions of people that consider themselves Buddhist’s that are not monastics. In fact householders would be the vast majority of Buddhists. I would never want to give the impression that any of these challenges are insurmountable. To me these are some of the challenges not to be confused with impediments. While not an exhaustive list, these are some of the challenges I have encountered:
Time to Practice – Unlike the monastic the householder must divide their time between their role in society, family, and work leaving much less time for their practice than a monastic.
Learning the Dharma – The householder may not have a teacher, where the monastic most certainly will. This brings out a another challenge of how does the layperson learn and interpret the dharma?
Meditation – In some ways this is both a time issue and an issue of not having a teacher. How do you learn to meditate without a teacher? This also is directly related to “Time to Practice”.
Enlightenment – What is your path to enlightenment? Is it reasonable goal for the householder? Do you think a layperson can become enlightened?
Community – The monastic has the Sangha. The Sangha is made up of Buddhist monks and nuns, or bhikkhus and bhikkhunis, who follow a strict code of discipline and teach the Dharma to other Buddhists. Typically as a householder you have no one but yourself to make you accountable for your practice. How does the householder acquire a community of like minded people all studying the dharma, meditating together, and seeking Nibbāna?
Householder Advantages
Being a householder myself, I would be remiss if I omitted the advantages that I see for this lifestyle over that of the monastic. You might think that the householder is at a big disadvantage in advancing their practice verses the monastic, but in some ways the opposite is true.
Access to the Dharma – Over the past few decades we have seen the dharma made available to the householder in books, websites, social media, blogs, and audio recordings about Buddhism. In fact you have access to materials that even the monastic is likely to never read or listen to.
Integration – Unlike the monastic you will need to integrate Buddhism into a life that might include a job, family, friends, owning or renting a home. In many ways this is an opportunity to gauge how well your practice is progressing as you deal with the everyday issues and challenges faced by the layperson.
Customizing your Practice – As a householder your exposure to the dharma (teachings) may include different Buddhist sects such as Mahayana, Zen, Vajrayana, Tibetan, or Theravada. It is likely that your discovery of the dharma will come from various sources and in my way of thinking this may be an advantage, allowing you to customize your practice based on different texts. As a householder you might view the tenants of Buddhism in a somewhat broader context than a monastic being taught say Zen Buddhism.
Conclusion
I’m going to keep this intentionally short because I would like to do followup posts for each of the challenges and advantages for the householder listed above. One should also consider that the vast majority of those that consider themselves Buddhist’s are householders. My guess is that if you are reading this post you are a householder that is practicing Buddhism or have an interest in it.
In future posts, I would like to make a case for the Buddhist practice for the householder. The idea of the householder becoming a Buddhist is more relevant today, than it was 2500 years ago when the Buddha walked this earth. The access we have to the Dharma and tools like social media help us overcome some of the impediments we face living the life of a householder vs. a monastic. In this world consumed by greed, lust, destruction, and violence we need a north star to guide us towards a more meaningful existence and some modicum of happiness. I sincerely believe Buddhism can provide this and more…..
Call to Action
I would love to hear what you think about the challenges or advantages you encounter as Buddhist householder or someone that is interested in Buddhism.
References and Notes:
Nibbāna is the goal of many Buddhist paths and leads to release from the cycle of rebirth and suffering. For reference Nibbāna is the Pali word for Nirvana (enlightenment).
In Buddhism, dharma is the doctrine, the universal truth common to all individuals at all times, proclaimed by the Buddha.
Excuse the Minions above, for some reason I associate them with happiness. They make me laugh.
Introduction
If you asked most people what their ultimate goal in life is, probably 90% would say to be happy. Why is being happy such an elusive state of mind for most of us? We struggle to make money, raise a family, buy houses and cars, and with all that or maybe because of all that, we still don’t find a whole lot of happiness in our lives. Let me be clear about this post. These are a list of some of my own personal practices and I never intended this to be a comprehensive list of things that might make you happy. It’s not even close to a comprehensive list for me, thus the title a “A few ways to be happier“.
I always get a little chuckle out of the following quote:
Practices
Over the past 10 years I have tried a lot of things to increase my level of happiness and I wanted to share a few of those things that actually worked for me. So here are few things you might try:
Yoga – If you’ve read posts on my blog, you know I’m a big fan of practicing yoga. It is not only physically challenging, but it also helps you become calmer and more mindful. One of the things I really like about yoga is you can easily transition from a yoga session to meditation. As with meditation Yoga has a focus on the breath and mindfulness, which is why it is intertwined with meditation. A related post that I wrote some time ago that you might find interesting “How Yoga & Meditation saved my life“.
Meditate – Meditation is great for clearing the mind, overcoming negative thoughts, and setting yourself up for a great day. You don’t need to be a Buddhist to meditate. In fact even if you have a somewhat secular view of the world meditation is available to you. Of course meditation is commonly found in most spiritual practices. One of my first posts on meditation “Meditation Experiences Uno” that you might check out if you are new to meditating. Another post having to do with expectations you might have for your meditation practice can be found at “Meditation – Expectations“.
Adopt a positive philosophyor spiritual practice – From a philosophical standpoint you might look into Buddhism or Stoicism. If that is not your thing then look at the spiritual practices such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or Hinduism. Whether it is adopting a positive philosophy or spiritual practice you will need to spend time in your studies and practice to obtain the benefits that are possible. You will approach each interaction from a positive perspective instead of reacting negatively to situations. Choose something that works for you. I personally study Buddhism and Stoicism, both have contributed positively to my piece of mind. A related post you might want to check out “The Stoic Buddhist“.
Quit caring about everything – I mean it, we all get wrapped up in stupid little things that won’t matter a week, a month, or a year from now. Be selective about who or what you care about, and adopt an attitude of I don’t give a shit about the rest. I’ve written a whole post on this subject “You Care too Much“.
Be present – Sounds easy, be present, live in the present moment. With all the things going on in your monkey mind being present is often very difficult. Thoughts of what I need to get done, my problems, anxiety, and out of control emotions are making it darn near impossible to just be present, but that’s where the happiness resides. Now this might just be for me, but I have always struggled with being fully present and it seemed I needed to master a lot of the other things mentioned in this posts before I could live fully in the present moment. Being fully present became the result of my Buddhist practice, yoga, meditation, not caring about everything, and not driving myself crazy doing things I hated. I’ve written about living in the present movement a number of times. This is a post I wrote a long time ago “You live in the future” that you might find amusing.
Gratitude – Develop a gratitude practice. You can do this with a journal of some type, some kind of affirmation, or as part of your meditation practice. A truly grateful person will appreciate what they have and all the good things that are to come. It has been said that he or she that is truly grateful for what they have leaves little room for unhappiness to creep in. If you have time check out “Grateful for the life you have“.
Stop doing things you hate – I can’t tell you how many people I know go through their day as a zombie, no smiling, no laughing, and it is all drudgery. You were not meant to live that way. Find a way to do something you can get excited about. Look for a way to transition to something better, and in the mean time do the things above and at least you will view the world in a positive way and get some enjoyment out of your current situation.
Conclusion
Obviously you don’t need or probably even want to do all of the things above, but even if you choose just one that you are not doing consistently today it could make a big difference in the level of happiness you experience. Interestingly, each of these practices mentioned above take a fair amount of commitment and discipline. You won’t start meditating tomorrow and magically reach enlightenment in a couple of days. Starting a grateful practice will not create instant happiness and a new philosophical or spiritual practice will probably not change your life in a week.
Just like going to the Gym for a few days doesn’t create a lot of new muscle or endurance, but over time adopting these practices can be life changing. While there are many other ways to increase your happiness, those I have listed above are available to most of us should we choose to pursue them.
This is a bit longer than my normal posts as the topic of this post is focused on the 2nd Noble Truth “the origin of dukkha” and also touches on the 3rd and 4th Noble truths. For the purposes of this blog post, you can think of craving and attachment as the same thing and will be used interchangeably. Most of my references are from books in the Pali Canon. The Pāli Canon is the standard collection of scriptures in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, as preserved in the Pāli language. When I mention Dhamma or Dharma I am using it as it refers to the Buddha’s teaching. I know this seems a bit obvious, but when I refer to your practice, I mean the study of Buddhism and the implementation of your studies via meditation and mindfulness.
When I think about attachment from the perspective of Buddhism. I think about craving, passion, obsession, worship, yearning, desire, lust, and appetite. The Buddha states in the Four Noble Truths:
“Bhikkhus, it is through not realizing, through not penetrating the Four Noble Truths that this long course of birth and death has been passed through and undergone by me as well as by you. What are these four? They are the noble truth of dukkha; the noble truth of the origin of dukkha; the noble truth of the cessation of dukkha; and the noble truth of the way to the cessation of dukkha. But now, bhikkhus, that these have been realized and penetrated, cut off is the craving for existence, destroyed is that which leads to renewed becoming, and there is no fresh becoming.” DN 16
So the second Noble Truth defined:
“And this, monks is the noble truth of the origination of dukkha: the craving that makes for further becoming — accompanied by passion & delight, relishing now here & now there — i.e., craving for sensual pleasure, craving for becoming, craving for non-becoming.” SN 56.11
Not one to second guess the Buddha Siddhartha Gautama this post will make the case that your pain and suffering, are indeed caused by your attachments. It is believed that the Buddha was born about 2500 years ago, but many of the fundamental attachments (cravings) found then are much the same today. We of course have added through technology some additional forms of attachment such as social media, porn, gaming, and a variety of drugs. Even a seemingly good habit can still be a form of attachment, especially when it becomes an obsession. In the remainder of this writing we will focus on the different forms of attachment, the price of attachment, how to destroy attachment, and what our life becomes after attachment.
As with almost everything I write there is always a personal motive, usually my own life experience that compels me to challenge the way I live and to scrutinize my own attachments. This is one of those moments where I question why I am attached to so many things and how I could eliminate or lessen these attachments.
We all live in a highly materialistic world, bombarded by advertisements that seek to create a craving for some new thing or experience. Unlike 20 years ago, your online presence creates streams of data for our friends at Google, Facebook, Instagram, Apple, and Amazon. If you’re reading this you are already aware of this and through your practice, you are seeking ways to combat this bombardment of what is simply advertising. My hope is that by the time you have finished reading this post, you will at a minimum have a better awareness of your own attachments, but beyond awareness, you will be formulating a plan to dismantle them. Ultimately the escape from the attachments leads you closer to your authentic Buddha nature.
Forms of Attachment
Attachments can take many different forms and all attachments come with a consequence. To hold on to these attachments is in direct conflict with what we seek to achieve with our practice. Attachments can be categorized in several ways:
Addictions
Often the most destructive type of attachment is being addicted to some substance or behavior. These are some of the common addictions that can be considered an attachment:
Drugs – such as cocaine, heroin, meth, and cannabis are just a few examples.
Alcohol – recent studies have shown that alcohol changes the brain and destroys cells in numerous parts of the body. While alcohol is still widely acceptable in our society it is a poison.
Nicotine in the form of cigarettes, vape, cigars, and pipes. One of the most difficult habits to break and use over the long term that comes from smoking or vaping destroys the lungs and heart.
Porn – While it probably won’t kill you it is an unhealthy distraction that wastes time and sets an unrealistic expectation of what sex should be for most people.
Sex – The attachment to sex has destroyed many a relationship, often manifesting itself in seeking out different partners to satisfy this craving.
Materialism / Things / Money
In the eternal quest for more, we become attached to things. We feel like we never have enough, regardless of how much we have accumulated. In fact, the people with the most wealth make their lives work to seek even more. We are never satisfied, never truly grateful for what we have, even though we innately know that all this stuff and money will not make us happy. Here are just a few examples of materialistic attachment:
Real estate – This is usually first your home, but once this is achieved you want a second or a third home. The extremely rich not only purchase multiple homes but also acquire vast amounts of land buying up farms to add to their portfolio of investments.
Automobiles – I’m not personally attached to automobiles, but I see that many people are. In the United States, you can get a decent new car for $20,000 – $30,000. It won’t be a BMW, but it will be reliable transportation. Instead, the average price for a new car is around $48,000. What this tells you is that a lot of people are buying cars in the $60,000 – $100,00 range. Not only doesn’t this expensive car get you from place to place any more efficiently it costs more to insure and often gets poor gas mileage.
Electronics – You have a 60” television, but why not get an 80” one? Your phone is two years old so you trade it in for the latest and greatest $1,000 phone.
Toys – Here I’m talking about acquiring boats, motorcycles, all-terrain vehicles, and any other unnecessary vehicle.
Money – You work the majority of your life, spending and accumulating money. There is an underlying fear that it is never enough, so you continue your wage slavery or run your own business so that you can acquire more money. You invest this money into stocks, bonds, mutual funds, precious metals, bitcoin, real estate, etc. so that your money can make more money increasing your wealth. Of course, you can’t take it with you so you die and leave it to your heirs or some charity of your choice.
People and Yourself
The attachment to others in its various forms is contrary to the goals of your practice. You are judging other people to find those worthy of your worship and adulation. In a way you are giving up your own ability to think and reason and giving the power to someone else. You are a follower, even when it is someone in your own family like a mother, father, spouse, or sibling. As a Buddhist even being too attached to the Buddha is perilous. The Buddha always wanted us to question what he taught to make sure we came to our own conclusions. Then there is this little thing called impermanence. That celebrity, politician, athlete, friend, or family member will someday cease to exist. As much as you may love someone being so attached to them that you can’t see yourself living without them only sets you up for what is inevitable.
Celebrities – You may admire someone who’s considered a celebrity, but attaching yourself to them and feeling that you know them is unhealthy. All you really see is a public persona, which might be quite different from who the person really is.
Politicians – How much harm has come to a particular country when the people begin looking at a politician as some deity and believe everything they say without question? Adolph Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong are great 20th-century examples of when people blindly follow someone on the road to complete destruction.
Athletes – I don’t think this is anything new. I can imagine the Romans were attached to certain Gladiators. In more recent times it might be soccer, American football, basketball, tennis, cricket, rugby, or some other sport athlete. For some people, these individuals are like gods to them. It’s not the athlete’s fault for they are only human, but when you make judgments of them beyond their athletic prowess you may be disappointed.
Spouses / Partners – One of the greatest forms of attachment may be to a spouse or partner. This all seems quite natural and good you might think. To a certain degree, it might seem that some level of attachment makes you a better partner, but what happens when it all blows up in your face? Even your relationship is impermanent; they may leave you, fall out of love with you, they may get sick, or might die. Now what are you going to do?
Family – You might be thinking that being attached to a celebrity, politician, or athlete could be an unhealthy obsession, but surely not a family member. Maybe, but being attached even to your family could become a source of pain. You have been told by society that sacrificing for your family is noble and good. In fact, it is normally something that is admired, but no one talks about the cost to you as an individual.
Self – I like to think about this as an attachment formed by this individualistic world, where we view ourselves as separate from the rest of humanity. I have a view of myself, maybe as a professional at work, or parent, child, or friend. It is true we are individuals, but we are part of a network of living beings that inhabit this world. We tend to have more in common with others than real differences. However, over the years we built a somewhat rigid definition of self and this weakens our view of us as members of the the human race. Not only do we view ourselves as unique among our homo sapiens species, but we tend to consider ourselves superior to other living beings.
Impermanence
The transient nature of life, impermanence, becomes our great realization regarding craving and desires. We realize that nothing including our money, physical form, possessions, addictions, and relationships will stand the test of time as they are all transient. We all inherently know this, but it doesn’t seem to stop us from pursuing our desires. Probably the most impermanent of things is ourselves and as a living being we have an unknown shelf life. You often hear things like well you are only alive once so go get everything you can and experience every pleasure known to humanity. Of course, for some people, impermanence provides a realization that life is precious and acquiring more stuff, working harder, and superficial pleasures are a waste of time.
While Dukkha (suffering) is caused by craving and attachment impermanence only increases our suffering as a root cause. From the Pali Canon before his enlightenment, the Buddha says:
“Before my enlightenment, O monks, while I was still a bodhisattva, it occurred to me: ‘What is the gratification in the world, what is the danger in the world, what is the escape from the world?’ Then it occurred to me: ‘Whatever pleasure and joy there is in the world, this is the gratification in the world; that the world is impermanent, bound up with suffering, and subject to change, this is the danger in the world; the removal and abandoning of desire and lust for the world, this is the escape from the world.” AN 3:101
Price of Attachment
I hope by now I have made at least a bit of a case for suffering being caused by an attachment or craving for something. Most of the things we crave end up having a dark side and can be outright destructive. In the past, I would lean pretty heavily on alcohol as a means of coping with my work and relationships. You can only guess how well that went. I wouldn’t have considered myself an alcoholic, but I did drink one or two nights a week, typically on a Friday night. I was a binge drinker and would drink until I was really drunk and passed out. About six months ago I decided to quit and while there were some initial cravings they went away over time. Just looking at this example the price of attachment was pretty significant in terms of my health and the psychological crutch it had become to help me deal with my problems. Of course, it didn’t help me deal with my problems it only made things worse. I was fortunate and hadn’t done any considerable damage to myself, but I had strained some very important relationships and had used alcohol as an escape that prevented me from dealing with my problems.
Our pursuit of these attachments whether they be an addiction, some kind of unrealistic expectation of others and ourselves, or the fact that we chose materialism over other more important things all came at a price. These attachments often eroded away our integrity, truthfulness, and spirituality. Unless one is very diligent and mindful most cravings have a tendency to increase over time driving the price you pay even higher. The ultimate price you pay for the attachment to craving is dukkha (suffering). The primary purpose of Buddhism is to free you from these cravings and ultimately eliminate suffering. We will next look at ways that can help you eliminate suffering by the cessation of suffering.
Eliminating Attachment
In the Discourse On Right View in the book of Majjhima Nikaya (MN), the venerable Sariputta addressed the monks on the meaning of Right View. In this case specifically on Craving:
“When friends, a noble disciple understands craving, the origin of craving, the cessation of craving, and the way leading to the cessation of craving, in that way, he is one of right view and has arrived at this true Dhamma.”
“And what is craving, what is the origin of craving, what is the cessation of craving, what is the way leading to the cessation of craving? There are these six classes of craving: craving for forms, craving for sounds, craving for odors, craving for flavors, craving for tactile objects, and craving for mental phenomena. With the arising of feeling there is the arising of craving. With the cessation of feeling there is the cessation of craving. The way leading to the cessation of craving is just this Noble Eightfold Path; that is right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.”
“When a noble disciple has thus understood craving, the origin of craving, the cessation of craving, and the way leading to the cessation of craving he here and now makes an end of suffering. In that way, too a noble disciple is one of right view and has arrived at this true Dhamma.” MN 9:46-55
In Buddhism, as stated in the Four Nobel Truths the cessation of craving requires that the believer follows the Eightfold Path. I won’t go into each of the steps in the Eightfold Path as that would be a book all by itself, but if eliminating suffering by ceasing all these attachments you have acquired then that is the cure. As Sariputta puts that is the “true Dhamma”.
As a householder myself, I don’t limit my aspirations to just dealing with my cravings (attachments), but I like any follower of Buddhism seek to eliminate them whenever possible. The question for the layperson or even a monastic might be is it even possible to eliminate all attachments?
My view is that it is possible to eliminate all your attachments and if it is not complete elimination to at least lessen their influence on you.
I recently read this quote by Eckhart Tolle that speaks to attachments:
“How do you let go of attachments to things? Don’t even try. It’s impossible. Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them.”
This is a profound quote because as you begin to follow the path many of the things you crave will drop away and be replaced by the Dhamma. You no longer crave more material possessions and many of your attachments will as Eckhart Tolle said just drop away.
Not All Attachments Are Equal
There are those attachments that are simply destructive such as an addiction or a propensity to commit violence versus being overly attached to other people. The first may lead to death while the former may just be mentally unhealthy. I think it might also be useful to consider what a craving or unhealthy attachment is and what a healthy aspiration is. You could make a case for materialism the acquisition of more and more things as an unhealthy attachment, but is the attachment to your family or to your practice a form of craving you need to eliminate?
I think the answer to determining if something is a craving you need to eliminate lies in the aspiration behind it. If this craving creates suffering it is an unhealthy attachment on the other hand if your attachment is born from a healthy aspiration such as helping other people then it leans more towards being a worthwhile behavior versus a destructive craving.
To a large degree, the success you have in eliminating attachments will be commensurate with your devotion to your practice. For you or anyone else to free themselves from suffering caused by craving requires change. To be clear Buddhism is not the only vehicle invented to end suffering. Many of the popular religions of the world such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Hinduism have a similar goal. The key difference is Buddhism offers a road map to end suffering in this lifetime. No deity or heaven awaits the end of suffering is available now. It would help if you believed that most of your attachments are causing the suffering you experience and you need to be willing to devote time to your practice, otherwise, the cyclical nature of craving resulting in suffering is inevitable.
Life After Attachment
There are some questions that naturally come up when one seeks to eliminate attachments. What is your life like after the destruction of attachment? Do you just fade away? Are you now just wandering through life with no goals or purpose?
I feel there are a lot of misconceptions about Buddhists. My posts are geared towards the householder or layperson, someone leading an active life, but practices Buddhism. I can’t speak to those Buddhists who live in a monastery and devote their lives solely to their practice, other than say they have devoted their life to their practice, which provides them more time to focus on it.
I can only answer the question about life after attachments have been eliminated from a personal perspective. To begin with, this whole idea of eliminating attachments is a process and I have not come to the point of eliminating all of my own cravings. I do have a realization as to what I am attached to and some understanding of the price I pay for these attachments. If nothing else I am mindful of my shortcomings and work to address them. I’m not sure that I will ever fully be free of attachments, especially to my family. This would also indicate that I have not attained Nibbana (pali) word for being enlightened. Looking at the lives of Buddhists such as the late Thich Nhat Hanh or the Dali Lama one doesn’t get the impression of some unfeeling person, instead, they appear to have been people full of life and joyous.
The question of will you still have goals? My answer is you most definitely have goals, but they may be less self-serving. Those goals that are for the betterment of the world will contribute to your peace of mind versus causing the suffering you have been experiencing chasing your cravings. As the attachments fade away your life will become fuller, you become more present, and even the way you perceive time changes. If you think that by eliminating attachments you become some non-feeling person who no longer can experience joy, love, and compassion you are mistaken. Instead, you may be eliminating anger, resentment, and greed.
Conclusion
Is there a middle way between the complete destruction of all attachments as might be a goal for a bhikkhu or nun vs. a layperson.? Even the realization and control over your attachments and desires is a positive step in the right direction. The answer to this question is directly related to the goal of your practice. If the goal of your practice is complete renunciation of all cravings and attachments then you are headed towards trying to realize Nibbana. I personally don’t believe all Buddhists must make this the goal of their practice, for the layperson or householder it may be sufficient to remove as many attachments as possible so that you are not in some state of continuous suffering (dhukka).
I think it is important that you realize that an aspiration to end suffering is not craving in itself. Think of this aspiration to end suffering as a desire. After all, you need this aspiration to be diligent in your practice. Even the fading away of a few attachments in your life will make a massive difference in the quality of your life. If it is any level of peace and mindfulness that you seek then your practice should be leading you to eliminate craving. Living in continuous suffering is the opposite of what the Buddha wanted for us.
Please comment or like. I would be very interested in your opinions on this topic.
In my last post Root of suffering according to the Buddha, it was declared by the Blessed One that desire was the root of suffering. However, there is one exception and that is when desire is used to understand the dhamma. In one of the discourses from the Pali Canon, where the Buddha speaks about the steps towards the realization of truth he states:
“Desire is most helpful for application of the will, Bharadvaja. If one does not arouse desire, one will not apply one’s will; but because one arouses desire, one applies one’s will. That is why desire is most helpful for application of the will.”
(from MN 95; Canki sutta, II 168-77)
One might infer that desire is a double-edged sword; maybe one edge is the desire that causes suffering and the other edge a desire that can be applied for good. Is this possible? You may have a desire to help others, be of service, learn the dhamma, or a desire to end suffering for sentient beings. I actually prefer the word craving, as to extinguish all desires especially those that are focused on positive outcomes would seem nearly impossible. Craving while a synonym for desire seems to have a more sinister connotation at least in my mind. Think about it in these terms:
A heroin addict craves a fix
An alcoholic craves a drink
I am craving ice cream
Craving seems a bit stronger when associated with some form of addiction. Maybe we can just accept that all desires will not result in suffering, but there is always the danger that what we thought of as a healthy desire may someday result in suffering. I just wanted to clarify that the Buddha did have different interpretations of the word desire. Sometimes it is just better to consider that the suffering we experience has its roots in desire and craving, but is often caused or manifested in attachment.
As we know from the Buddha’s teaching the cessation of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path. In this series of blog posts, I would like to explore each of the factors of the Eightfold Path as they apply to ending suffering and how they address attachment. In this blog post, we will start with Right Understanding sometimes referred to as Right View.
I’m going to use a definition from the Tricyle.org website (reference at the end of this post), which I feel is a good description of what Right Understanding (Samma ditthi) is:
“Right understanding is the understanding of things as they are, and it is the four noble truths that explain things as they really are. Right understanding therefore is ultimately reduced to the understanding of the four noble truths. This understanding is the highest wisdom which sees the Ultimate Reality. According to Buddhism there are two sorts of understanding. What we generally call “understanding” is knowledge, an accumulated memory, an intellectual grasping of a subject according to certain given data. This is called “knowing accordingly” (anubodha). It is not very deep. Real deep understanding or “penetration” (pativedha) is seeing a thing in its true nature, without name and label. This penetration is possible only when the mind is free from all impurities and is fully developed through meditation.”
Right understanding helps us see the cause of suffering allowing us to understand how our craving and clinging are actually harming us. Without “right understanding” we would be just tossed about in life, blindly reacting to everything, and being completely oblivious to what is causing our suffering. If you are doing this yourself then “right understanding” is the prescription, but I suspect you are not or you probably would not be reading this blog post.
Once you start to really understand what is causing your suffering you can begin to either avoid the attachment or at least lessen the impact of it. As sad as the loss of a loved one that might include a child, spouse, or parent can be “right understanding” will at least arm you with an understanding of impermanence, which might lessen the attachment you feel. This is always difficult to comprehend as you might think the dhamma is turning you into some cold nonfeeling person who is completely free of attachment. This will not happen to you and when you are faced with the mortality of your loved ones, you will be compassionate and loving to those that are suffering from the loss.
True “right understanding” helps you to see things as they really are, which will take some of the tragedy out of life. I will give you a brief example of where a lack of right understanding led to a lifelong scaring of a person. My father in law worked for a well-known drug company starting with them very early in life. He was very loyal to the company, but when he was about 50 years old the company terminated him and a number of other employees. Fortunately for him, he received a generous pension something that is almost unheard of today. Instead of seeing this as just another bump in the road or something that happens when you work for a corporation he took it as a personal attack. He is in this ’80s now, and he has never forgiven the company, and in fact, he never went back to work. Those of us that do not possess “right understanding” will encounter one round of suffering after another, blaming themselves, or someone else for the pain they feel during their lives.
Cultivate some measure of “right understanding” and your sense of attachment will diminish over time and then you will suffer less. In my next blog post, I will delve into how “right thought” can be an asset in your quest to end suffering for yourself and others.
Ok enough about the past, but if you haven’t read these posts I recommend you do so, as this has been a journey for me, and you get a better context for what I have experienced if you start at the beginning. During the time that I have written this, I have been meditating on a daily basis for about 3 months. I don’t know if I mentioned this, but my practice has also included studying Buddhism, which I have been doing for maybe around the last 10 years or so. So when I talk about my practice it is comprised of meditation and Buddhist studies.
All of human history has been turbulent, but we are living in a strange era with this pandemic and technological advances that have brought so much prosperity to the world and at the same time caused so many people to be displaced. If there was ever a time that we needed something to provide a lifeline or an anchor in our world the time is now.
As I went beyond just studying and dedicated myself to daily meditation, I feel that this might be an answer to living a meaningful life amidst all this craziness. In fact, it may be the only true way out of this situation. The Buddha spent years coming to the realization that suffering exists as a natural state for human beings and that there is an end to suffering. His prescription was developing a practice of meditation and following the Eightfold Path. You might be thinking this is bullshit, how can I benefit from studying an applied philosophy created 2,500 years ago. I would argue that Buddhism has survived so long because it was relevant in the past and is relevant today and will be relevant in the future. The basic premise of Buddhism that life is Dukkha (suffering), is as true today as it was yesterday.
As I have become consistent with my practice and specifically the meditation component of it I have found it to be the lifeline that I so badly needed. I won’t kid you there are times when I sit down on my cushion and have trouble tuning out the world around me, thoughts about my work, or other things become so prominent that I have trouble staying present. While some sessions seem better than others, all of the time spent meditating is a respite from the insane world we live in. This daily practice starts out as somewhat of a challenge, but as you persist it becomes a habit, and you will start to look forward to it. You become your practice, you become compassionate, and ultimately you become Buddha. Your practice will soon become the most important thing in your life because all good things result from it. You might just become a better spouse, parent, or friend. You might even start seeing the world as it really is and you will start seeing the good in people.
I will leave you with this somewhat funny quote from the Dalai Lama:
Namaste
Note: I wrote this post using Grammarly, which really helps. Give it a try, it works with WordPress and Google Docs.
In my prior post Meditation Experiences – Uno I wrote about how I started meditating and to some degree why I decided to try meditation. In this post, I would like to make a case for meditation, the benefits if you will at least from my own perspective. Some of you may have tried meditating in the past and found it difficult if not almost impossible to just sit and count breaths. You may have been so busy thinking about what you need to do, that the whole process was just painful and seemed very unproductive. Here is the problem, it takes time to create a habit of meditating and the first 5 or 10 sessions may seem difficult at first, but like any good habit, you will need to make the investment before seeing any returns. You may feel like nothing is happening here and I am still letting my monkey mind dominate my meditation session and then something begins to change and you start to both enjoy and benefit from the experience. Mind you it might have taken a month or longer to get to this point, but it does happen.
Why did this seemingly simple thing, just sitting and breathing suddenly become enjoyable? Here are a few benefits I have received from meditating:
Being Present – I began to understand that my monkey mind and drive to be always doing something that supported my goals was preventing me from just enjoying the process of meditating. I was so anxious that I was spending all of my time recalling the past and then at the same time thinking about what I needed to do in the future. So instead of looking at meditation as just another thing to check off my to-do list, I began looking forward to it because it helped me be in the present. In fact, I often tell myself while meditating “You are present” or “You are here”, this often helped to drown out the thinking about the future, which often dominates my thoughts. What I’m really saying here is you are fucking yourself over by thinking you need to be productive all the time. This was part of my problem, I was looking at meditation as a kind of goal or thing I had to do, instead of just appreciating how it was helping me live in the present moment.
Discover Your True Self – As I continue to meditate I have begun to realize that there are things more important than my job or who I thought I was. Meditation helps you get in touch with who you really are. This doesn’t happen immediately, but over time you begin to realize there is the actual you, not some role you play. Maybe it is your true self, you know the compassionate, introspective, and loving person you actually are. For me, meditation is helping to peel back the layers of responsibility and anxiety that dominates much of our lives as we spend our time trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations.
Calms the Mind – Meditation is one of the few things I have found that breaks the monkey mind pattern of thinking and calms the mind. When I finish a session I feel renewed and free if even only for a while. You might get a similar feeling from walking on a nice day when you are not bothered by cars or loud noises. While I love a good long walk and find it very relaxing it feels different than meditating. The aftereffect of meditation is more like a reset or rebooting of the mind to a state of calm and clarity.
I know that there are many other benefits that could be attributed to meditation, but for me, these are the ones I have noticed a couple months into the practice.
So is it worth it?
My answer is a resounding Yes!
Final Parting Shot
The mistake I made in the last year or so is that I would start out very consistent and then my practice would fizzle out. I simply did not put a high enough priority on it, missing many days, stopping and starting. Those benefits of being present, discovering yourself, and calming your mind come from daily practice. I’m not saying I never miss a day, but it has become pretty rare now, and if something prevents me from doing it at my regular time, I fit it in later in the day.
I would love to hear about the benefits you attribute to your own meditation practice, leave me a comment.
I hope to write another post soon as this wonderful journey continues.
Do good and stay safe.
Namaste
Note: I wrote this post using Grammarly, which really helps. Give it a try, it works with WordPress and Google Docs.
I’m paraphrasing here, but from the book UNFU*K Yourself by Gary Bishop, he says something like “Only You Can Save Yourself”. So when I say let your practice be your salvation, it means your practice, not someone else, but you must become your own salvation. Your practice and I mean meditation and studies are the means that will lead you to find yourself.
The only way to reveal the true you, the you that is buried deep inside is through your practice. Without daily practice you continually let yourself become some manifestation of your environment and you move further away from who you really are. Either you direct your mind or the world around you will do it for you. I think this quote from the Buddha illustrates my point about why your practice is so important.
For a Buddhist, there is only the way, and the way is to practice.
Namaste
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Should you engage in your yoga practice first thing in the morning or later in the day? Many of the experts out there would say first thing in the morning is the best time, and if that’s not possible then later in the day is also acceptable. I used to go on that premise and once I was fully awake I would be on the mat starting with sun salutations. I also tried performing my yoga practice after work and found there are pros and cons to both approaches:
Morning Practice
Pros
You get it done first thing in the day, and don’t have to worry about something else coming up.
Yoga done first thing in the morning sets the stage for morning meditation by breathing and stretching before sitting.
Both the yoga and meditation enhance your frame of mind as you start your day.
Early in the morning is usually quieter for both yoga and meditation.
Cons
You are the least flexible first thing in the morning.
You must make time for it and you may have lots of things to take care of first thing in the morning.
Evening Practice
Pros
You are the most flexible later in the day. I found this particularly true for me as I was much more flexible at night versus first thing in the morning.
After working all day you may really need some physical activity and yoga is a great way to re-awaken your body, especially if you have a job where you sit all day.
It sets the stage for an evening meditation session.
Cons
It is more likely that something else may come up and you end up skipping your practice.
If you are also performing some other form of exercise you will need to determine how to fit this in. I personally had to move my strength training to the weekend so I could concentrate on yoga during the week nights.
I am currently performing my yoga practice in the evenings as soon as I get home from work, and when I’m done I spend about 20 minutes meditating. I would also note that while I don’t practice yoga in the mornings I do other forms of exercise and about 10 minutes of meditation. My strength training routine had to change as I went from a 6 day split to a 3 day split, with the majority of this being done on Saturday and Sunday. This leaves me 5 days a week to devote to yoga in the evening. I guess you have to ask yourself, what works best for you and your lifestyle? Can I get up early enough and have the uninterrupted time needed to perform a morning practice or is it more convenient to do it after work? Neither of the approaches is optimal for people with demanding careers, but choose the least objectionable one and make sure you make it a priority.
As I may have mentioned in a previous post I have hopped, jumped, thrown myself on the yoga bandwagon, and thought I would give you a few reasons why. I started reading “The Power of Ashtanga Yoga: Developing a Practice That Will Bring You Strength, Flexibility, and Inner Peace” by Kino MacGregor someone who studied under Jois the person who devoted his life to teaching Ashtanga yoga. One thing Kino talks about in the book is the importance of regular practice, meaning 6 days a week. The reason being is that if you attend a yoga class, and maybe practice yourself another day in the week you will not progress. I’m not saying you will not benefit from practicing two days a week, but you probably will not increase your flexibility or really gain the peace of mind that comes with daily practice.
Last week I performed my yoga practice of about 30 asana’s six days in a row, and it was amazing how my hamstrings and back are beginning to show signs of increased flexibility. This is actually becoming very addictive as I am practicing at night after work, and look forward to it all day. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t practice yoga one, two, or three days a week; if nothing else it is a wonderful form of exercise. I think the reason Kino advocates 6 days a week is that the body needs more frequent exposure to the poses before it begins to transform the muscles and tendons to allow you a greater range of motion. As for myself I am still working on some pretty basic poses in preparation for embarking on the Ashtanga primary series expounded upon in the “The Power of Ashtanga Yoga: Developing a Practice That Will Bring You Strength, Flexibility, and Inner Peace”, but we all have to start somewhere.
Well my journey continues, and in a couple of weeks I will embark on the Ashtanga primary series, and give you and update. I would recommend if you want to learn more about Ashtanga yoga that you read Kino MacGregor’s book, it is extremely well written and easy to understand. The book is only $14.95 at Amazon and is 240 pages with great photography of Kino performing the poses.
Yoga Journal – probably the most popular yoga magazine
Namaste
Definition of Namaste: In Sanskrit the word is namah + te = namaste which means “I bow to you” – my greetings, salutations or prostration to you. The word ‘namaha’ can also be literally interpreted as “na ma” (not mine). It has a spiritual significance of negating or reducing one’s ego in the presence of another.
