Tag: joy

Ditch the Plan

Introduction

This is a personal story originating from my daily journaling, so bear with me. I retired about a year and a half ago with aspirations of getting back into playing guitar again, doing my yoga and meditation practices, fixing up my house, volunteering at a charity, working on my diet, and writing a book, just to name a few things I hoped to accomplish. I eventually got to the point where I literally scheduled every hour of the day from 5:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. to fit all these things and more into each day. Inevitably, things would come up, and I would be late getting to the scheduled task for something, or I would skip it completely. The whole thing turned out to be nothing but a disappointment due to not achieving the things on my calendar, and on top of that, it made my life pretty boring.

This whole planning process for every minute of my life had been going on for a long time. When I was working, my primary role was being an IT Project Manager for various companies. I guess being a project manager for so long actually became who I was to a large degree, thus the planning affliction.

Revelation

I woke up one morning very early and told myself to let it all go. You know those pep talks you give yourself in an attempt to deal with this week’s self-imposed suffering, maybe even writing them down in a journal. I thought it would be best to try from time to time to drop the expectations. I wasn’t thinking that I didn’t need to do anything. I still realized I needed to deal with the important things, such as emergencies, appointments, cooking, cleaning, and fixing things, etc., but also to make time for things I enjoyed, which always seemed to come after everything else. I was just attempting a reset to alleviate the pressure of always needing to be productive, always achieving something.

So, with a decision not to be ruled by a calendar, I looked at my numerous goals and did a radical thing, which was to remove the dates. I deleted the start and end dates while keeping the goals, which I felt were still worthwhile. Now, understand the goals still had a priority column, so it wasn’t complete chaos, but it also took the pressure off looking at those dates and thinking Oh, you missed that one or You haven’t achieved this or that. I guess you come to a realization that you only have so much time and so much energy, and some of the things you are looking to do take significant amounts of time to make progress, and some, like playing guitar again, end up permanently on your agenda. So my desire to write a book, learn Spanish, and take up playing guitar again, along with everything else, got to be too much, so I shelved learning Spanish so I could focus on music and writing.

This all boils down to a few overarching guidelines when it comes to goal setting and how it affects what you do each day:

  1. Deal with the basics, those things you must do for your health, family, residence, etc. These are the basics that pretty much everyone needs to deal with. You know, go to the dentist, doctor, do your grocery shopping, pay the bills, do car maintenance, and make sure your family is taken care of. The cautionary tale here is that not all of these things need to be done now, so don’t let this list of the basics monopolize all your time. Here is a stupid example: I had some new decking put in a few years ago, replacing what was there, and it took me 5 years to stain it. Seems kind of negligent, but I was working then, and I could have outsourced it, but chose to just do it later.
  2. This is the most important thing that I decided needed to be the primary influence on how I spend my time, and that is to do the things you enjoy. If you let dealing with the basics consume all your time, or you’re working on goals that really don’t excite you, then you need to ask yourself if you are enjoying what you are doing or just trying to check off something on a task list that supports a goal that doesn’t really enrich your life.
  3. Simplify your life. To make time for doing the things you enjoy, you need to stop doing things that you think should be done, but are not really that important. We have all heard of minimalism, and there is some value in removing things and obligations from your life so you can focus on the things you really enjoy. This is really about the ruthless pursuit of removing material things and obligations that you feel compelled to do from your life. Everything you buy needs a place to occupy in your home, and must be maintained to some degree, then possibly replaced when it is no longer functional. You think you might like a vacation home on a lake so you can go fishing, but when you buy the home, you spend your time fixing up the house, maintaining boats and docks, landscaping, furnishing the home, paying utilities and property taxes, and pretty soon you realize you don’t have any time to go fishing. Instead, renting a cottage for a week, renting a boat, or even buying a boat is a lot less costly and requires less maintenance than owning a piece of property.
  4. Don’t spend your time trying to impress anyone. If you are doing something to impress someone instead of because you enjoy it, then drop it. To have the time to do the things you really enjoy that bring meaning to your life, there needs to be a ruthless culling of the things that, in the scheme of things, don’t enhance your life. Ask yourself, why am I doing things to impress other people? Maybe it’s all about your ego and seeking validation from others. Most of the time, you find that they really don’t care because they have their own problems and their own need for validation.

Conclusion

The Buddha taught us that life is impermanent and that things are impermanent. We will get old and die, regardless of what the tech oligarchs think. Those things that we have will no longer be ours when we are gone. Most of the societies in this world want their people to be productive, to earn, and consume more, for what is more important than economic growth and prosperity? Don’t buy into this myth that has been created, or you will never be free to pursue the things you enjoy. These things will become goals for the future, instead of what you could be doing in the present.

So realizing that what I was doing was at least partially aligned with a need to be productive over pursuing what really mattered to me, became the revelation. I also realized that I would need to keep prioritizing my happiness in the present moment and not worrying about how much was accomplished. Do that thing that you enjoy, and you will find that you will accomplish more in the long run, and as you achieve what you set out to, you will allow a little joy into this life.

I’ll wrap this up with a quote from Lao Tzu:

A serene forest scene with lush green trees and a tranquil pathway, featuring a quote by Lao Tzu that reads, 'Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.'

Namaste

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Escaping the Matrix

Previously, I wrote about what the Matrix is and our participation in it. So please read The Matrix before reading this post as it will provide some context that should make this post more understandable. In The Matrix I explained the contrast between the cold and ruthless corporation and the humans that work there. Given the reality of the matrix this conflict is irreconcilable. So you are challenged to make the decision to stay or escape the matrix. Servitude or freedom, that is the question.

Contemplating the Escape

On the surface it seems like an easy decision, where you choose freedom of course and make your escape. However you have been serving your master the corporation for many years, and you are accustomed to this thing called money. Like many other addictions you tell yourself that I’ll quit in a few months or maybe work another year and then I’ll be free. This is referred to as the one more year syndrome. Here is the thing, not only are you addicted to the money but you are also battling a unwillingness to change your life. You have become comfortable doing this thing you have done for so many years, and you fear the unknown. It is even possible that your fear of the unknown is greater than the gains you perceive of being free. It’s kind of like someone who has been a prisoner for decades, the front gate is unlocked, and you don’t even consider just walking out. Holy Shit!

Most people that are considering escaping the matrix have questions that they need to contemplate. I put together a short list that I’ve personally struggled with in the past. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but something to think about. I would caution you not get too hung up on answering these questions. Notice I have not asked the question, which is Why should I escape the matrix? You already know the answer to that one.

Questions to contemplate:

How will I make money and pay for all this shit?
  • That dream you have had in your mind for years, undoubtedly you have been thinking what if I could monetize what I really want to do.
  • Maybe you have been saving up for your escape and that is the answer to having income to fund your free life.
  • Maybe like most us you spend too much, have to much shit, and could cut down on your level of consumerism.
  • Sometimes it is a matter of faith in your ability to figure it out. Sounds week, huh? Do you really think that the thing you have been doing while employed in the matrix is the only way you can generate some income? Fuck No!
What will I do with all this found time on my hands?
  • Pursue your passion.
  • Enjoy it! Yes, you have escaped and to begin with you should get some kind of enjoyment just from this fact.
  • All those hobbies you haven’t have time for are now yours to pursue.
  • Looking for some meaning in your life? Join a non-profit, a charity, a church, or do your civic duty and get involved in a cause (climate change or renewable energy), or political party.
What will other people think?
  • If your talking about those still grinding away in the matrix, they will be envious of your escape.
  • Who cares! What your really wrestling with is what you will think about your freedom.
  • Listen you are embarking on a new life, one that is so different from what you are accustomed to that you will feel a bit alienated from those still plugging away in the matrix. You are freeing yourself from this consumer driven, wealth obsessed society, and embracing a life where you now own your time, which is the most precious thing of all.
  • If you lived your life worrying about what your co-workers, your spouse, friends, or family thought about you, then stop it!

Breaking Free

There is nothing wrong with taking a somewhat methodical approach to making the decision to escape the matrix or to keep on doing what you have been doing, living in the status quo.

Most of us start with the empirical method which is to use a spreadsheet to calculate the financial gain of working longer. Usually this is expressed as if I worked one, two, or three more years. Don’t get too enamored by this approach as it is inherently one sided, and only considers the financial gain of working longer, but fails to consider the non financial costs of working longer. In fact if you choose to make your decision based on the financial impact, well then you might as well keep your shitty job and work until you die. You might guess that I’ve done this myself and was amazed at the amount of money I would have if I continued working in the matrix for two or three more years. Fortunately I knew the cost of doing this and over time became less enthusiastic about my forecasted financial gains.

Given the limitations of the purely financial approach, you might consider a more holistic approach to making the decision to break free or stay in the matrix.

Now there are many factors to consider, but here are a few that come to mind:

  • Physical Health – What toll does your current job take on your physical health? Your 9 to 5 is likely taking a toll on your physical health or at the very least compromising your opportunity to improve your health by having the time to exercise more, eat better, etc.
  • Mental Health – All the stress you endure is messing with your mind and likely making your life a whole lot less enjoyable than would otherwise be possible. Not only is this stress making you miserable, but it is shortening your life.
  • Regret – Will you regret working longer especially if you are getting older? Of course you will. Very few people have ever regretted escaping the matrix, wishing they had worked longer.
  • Joy and Happiness – To what extent is your happiness important to you? Silly question, but this is a huge factor for most of us.
  • Pursuing your Dreams – That thing you always wanted to do, or do more of. Call it a dream or your passion. What price are you paying now by not pursuing your dreams?
  • Relationships – Anyone that spends the majority of their days in the matrix have compromised their relationships. Aside from the joy it could bring to you and others, by cultivating more meaningful relationships, not doing so may end up being one of your biggest regrets.
  • Controlling Time – How much does it matter to you that you have some control over how you spend the time allotted to you each day? Those that escape the matrix have infinitely more control over how they spend the limited time we all have. Just for an example, say you work 45 hours per week on average. If you sleep 8 hours a day you have 16 waking hours available to do stuff. Excluding weekends, this is 5 x 16 = 80 waking hours per work week. If you exist in the matrix you have 80 – 45 = 35 hours to do what you want or needs to be done. Any way you look at it during the work week you have less than 50% of the waking hours that are yours.
  • Financial – The reality is the vast majority of us needs money to pay for necessities and wants. In our society this can be of paramount importance for many people. Your servitude in the matrix, pays your bills, and may provide a little left over for savings, but your likely not to become super wealthy. Realize that making finances a priority isn’t necessarily advocating for staying in the matrix, as it is very possible that your lack of financial success may be attributed to you being stuck in the matrix in the first place.

Let’s say for fun I decided to rank these items using the following ranking scale:

  • 1 – not important
  • 2 – important
  • 3 – very important

My guess that if you are considering escaping the matrix just about every one of these factors would be ranked at a 2 or 3. Is your decision getting any easier?

Maybe you love your job, have a good work life balance, and no other aspirations outside of your career. But be honest with yourself, you would be a very small minority of those that exist in the matrix. Most of us dream about a greater purpose for out life. We seek some degree of freedom to make choices on how we spend our time and with who we spend our time with.

By now you have probably made your choice, and like all restless prisoners you are contemplating an escape. Depending on your finances and the amount of planning you have already done you might just jump and sever your relationship with your employer. Just do it and escape approach, which is highly recommended if you ready.

The second approach is required if money is an issue, and you haven’t planned what you will do when you break free from the matrix. This approach means you need to plan your exit before jumping. If you decide you need a little more time before making your escape from the matrix, be wary setting that date too far into the future. It is better to take a leap of faith too early than to allow the matrix to destroy your decision to escape. This then becomes the I’ll work one more year syndrome that I mentioned earlier. This one more year can turn into multiple years of bondage.

I won’t try and kid you, there is an element of risk in making your escape, but there is a wonderful new life that awaits you when you walk out that door. Envision what that new life will be like as you finally have time to pursue your interests, give back to the community, restore your health, become more mindful, and have the time to create better relationships. Unlike a real prison, in the matrix the door is wide open. No one will shoot you as you walk out. In fact after a few months they won’t even remember who you were.

In my next post I will discuss how sometimes remaining in the matrix may make sense at least for a while. This can give you time to plan your escape and make the preparations needed.

Go ahead and comment if you have escaped the matrix or are contemplating it.

Namaste

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The end of suffering

Random Thoughts / Poetry

The End Of Suffering

You know everything is impermanent

Yet you choose to suffer

Only change is certain

Yet you choose to suffer

You are aging day by day

Yet you choose to suffer

Life and death is ever-present

Yet you choose to suffer

Love and joy surround you

Yet you choose to suffer

You have no direction

You can find no end to suffering

The end to your suffering is a walk down the Eightfold Path

 

Namaste

 

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Satisfied with a little

The Greek Philosopher Epicurus sums it up so simply and yet eloquently with this quote. If you can’t appreciate the little things in life you will not appreciate anything. Did you enjoy that cup of coffee or tea this morning, walking the dog, cleaning your kitchen, or taking a shower? These are simple examples of little things you might do in the morning and if you gained some sense of satisfaction or joy from them, then you are living in the present moment and you have some sense of what it is like to be grateful for even small things.

What if instead, you can’t find any pleasure in the simple things that are most typical in our lives? You would then be someone that is consumed by thoughts of the future, seeking something better, and likely never satisfied with anything or anyone. We can all shift into this mindset from time to time, and then we become ungrateful, egotistical, and greedy. Your life will now consist of periods of suffering and discontent, followed by spending your precious time criticizing everything. Nothing is ever good enough, everyone is a jerk, and life sucks.

Contrary to what you see in the media or on Instagram, life is not some highlight reel where every day is a party, and people are throwing money at you. Instead most of what we call life is made up of little things. If you allow your mind to drift into future mode, then you miss all the little things, and you basically are missing out on life. The quote below by Jon Kabat-Zinn is one of my favorite quotes for helping us to appreciate all the little things in our life.

Sometimes you just need to reboot your brain and one of the best ways I found is to go for a walk. This allows you to breathe the fresh air, look at the sky, feel the sun on your skin, and soon you begin to calm down and start living in the present. Walking is a healthy alternative to sitting around and watching television or messing around with your phone. When I go for a walk I’m not doing it to burn calories or increase my heart rate, in fact, I am really doing quite the opposite, and sometimes walk fairly slowly just enjoying the sights around me.

Walking is a little thing, but be grateful as it is also a wonderful thing. Your life is made up of hundreds of little things and they all have the potential to be a great source of joy if you stay present and mindful.

Namaste

 

If you would like to support this blog, check out the awesome selection of eBooks at:

Mind, Body, Spirit books at eBooks.com

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A bit about Epicurus

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epicurus

Epicurus (Ancient Greek: Ἐπίκουρος, romanized: Epíkouros;[a] 341–270 BC) was an ancient Greek philosopher and sage who founded Epicureanism, a highly influential school of philosophy. He was born on the Greek island of Samos to Athenian parents. Influenced by Democritus, Aristippus, Pyrrho,[3] and possibly the Cynics, he turned against the Platonism of his day and established his own school, known as “the Garden”, in Athens. Epicurus and his followers were known for eating simple meals and discussing a wide range of philosophical subjects. He openly allowed women to join the school as a matter of policy. Epicurus is said to have originally written over 300 works on various subjects, but the vast majority of these writings have been lost. Only three letters written by him—the letters to Menoeceus, Pythocles, and Herodotus—and two collections of quotes—the Principle Doctrines and the Vatican Sayings—have survived intact, along with a few fragments of his other writings. Most knowledge of his teachings comes from later authors, particularly the biographer Diogenes Laërtius, the Epicurean Roman poet Lucretius and the Epicurean philosopher Philodemus, and with hostile but largely accurate accounts by the Pyrrhonist philosopher Sextus Empiricus, and the statesman and Academic Skeptic Cicero.

For Epicurus, the purpose of philosophy was to help people attain a happy, tranquil life characterized by ataraxia (peace and freedom from fear) and aponia (the absence of pain). He advocated that people were best able to pursue philosophy by living a self-sufficient life surrounded by friends. He taught that the root of all human neurosis is death denial and the tendency for human beings to assume that death will be horrific and painful, which he claimed causes unnecessary anxiety, selfish self-protective behaviors, and hypocrisy. According to Epicurus, death is the end of both the body and the soul and therefore should not be feared. Epicurus taught that although the gods exist, they have no involvement in human affairs. He taught that people should behave ethically not because the gods punish or reward people for their actions, but because amoral behavior will burden them with guilt and prevent them from attaining ataraxia.

Like Aristotle, Epicurus was an empiricist, meaning he believed that the senses are the only reliable source of knowledge about the world. He derived much of his physics and cosmology from the earlier philosopher Democritus (c. 460–c. 370 BC). Like Democritus, Epicurus taught that the universe is infinite and eternal and that all matter is made up of extremely tiny, invisible particles known as atoms. All occurrences in the natural world are ultimately the result of atoms moving and interacting in empty space. Epicurus deviated from Democritus in his teaching of atomic “swerve”, which holds that atoms may deviate from their expected course, thus permitting humans to possess free will in an otherwise deterministic universe.

Though popular, Epicurean teachings were controversial from the beginning. Epicureanism reached the height of its popularity during the late years of the Roman Republic. It died out in late antiquity, subject to hostility from early Christianity. Throughout the Middle Ages Epicurus was popularly, though inaccurately, remembered as a patron of drunkards, whoremongers, and gluttons. His teachings gradually became more widely known in the fifteenth century with the rediscovery of important texts, but his ideas did not become acceptable until the seventeenth century, when the French Catholic priest Pierre Gassendi revived a modified version of them, which was promoted by other writers, including Walter Charleton and Robert Boyle. His influence grew considerably during and after the Enlightenment, profoundly impacting the ideas of major thinkers, including John Locke, Thomas Jefferson, Jeremy Bentham, and Karl Marx.

The Cure for Expectations

house_sitting_expectations

I recently wrote a review on the book UnFu*k Yourself where one of the authors rules for life was “I expect nothing; I accept everything”. As you think about this for a while it begins to make sense. Expecting things to turn out a certain way or for people to act a certain way is the road to disappointment. To start out with it takes you away from the present and instead you are living with expectations of the future. Let’s take a few examples:

  • While I’m driving I expect people to follow traffic laws. Little things like stop signs, traffic lights, speed limits, etc. Now this is one hell of a stupid expectation. When humans get behind the wheel of a car they turn into complete morons.
  • I expect that I will be recognized for my work at my place of business. Occasionally this happens, but never enough to live up to our expectations.
  • I expect that my significant other will appreciate the things I do for them. So what is it that they must do to live up to these expectations?
  • I expect that my children will be as motivated and driven as I am. That’s a real crock of shit.
  • I expect that my government will spend my tax money smartly and not build up trillions of dollars in debt. How silly is that?
  • I have expectations for myself surrounding being constantly happy or healthy. Set the bar high my friend and disappointment will find you.

These are just a few examples of how we all live with expectations that are literally sucking the fun out of life. There is no better way to mess up living in the present than by having all these stupid expectations. I’m not advocating that you don’t have dreams or goals, but be aware that if these are laden down with heaps of expectations you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Things rarely turn out the way you expect, often things turn out much better or much worse. You have so little control about how things will turn out, or what someone thinks of you, and planning on how things will turn out is a risky proposition. Do the best you can but don’t be so definitive about the outcome.

So what is the cure for this never ending life of expectations? I’m guessing if you read Gary Bishop’s book you know the answer. One little, but powerful word Acceptance is all you need to understand. By accepting things as they are, you are taking a big step towards living in the present. Give yourself a fucking break; you can often be accepting of others, but you can’t cut yourself some slack. If you can start living with a mindset of accepting life as it is, you will begin to really enjoy what you have and maybe even the things you do. Here are a couple of different ways to look at acceptance:

Acceptance-1Acceptance 2

You don’t need to throw away all your dreams or vision for the future, but don’t get so specific that you put yourself in a corner when things don’t turn out exactly as you expected. Throwing out those silly expectations leaves you open to a whole new perspective and to enjoy how things unfold. All of this can provide amazing levels of joy instead of comparing what happens to your expectations.

I will leave you with one other quote from Gary Bishop that really resonated with me.

“Plan for victory and learn from your defeats.”

Here are a few quotes on acceptance to ponder.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance. George Orwell

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. Brian Tracy

The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. Nathaniel Branden

My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations. Michael J. Fox

Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness. Eckhart Tolle

Namaste

Lighten Up

I’ll use the term or phrase “lighten up” to mean stop taking life so serious. There is a common affliction in our society that everything we do is serious business. We are constantly measured by metrics and KPI’s to attain more each year, to work harder, to be driven, and my question is what does it get us? We sacrifice our health and well being for goals that someone else set for us and make ourselves miserable in the process. I’m going to be a bit blunt here and call out a lot of this serious obsession as bullshit. We are not on this earth to work ourselves into an early grave for the sake of corporate profits or any other obligation imposed by someone else for that matter.

Cheryl Crow gonna-tell-everyone-to-lighten-up

Aside from all the destructive effects of the ultra serious demeanor that we have adopted; the real travesty is that we are sucking the joy right out of our life moment by precious moment. I used to attend a church where one of the parishioners worked for Pepsi corporation and had been working his way up the corporate ladder over the past decade moving his family with each promotion. Anyway I can recall how upset he was when someone brought a Coke product to the church picnic, and of course I thought this was pretty funny. I mean making sugar drinks that make people fat is pretty serious business after all. Now I’m not here to bash soft drink companies because I’m sure in their own weird way they contribute something to society other than obesity and diabetes. It is the serious nature of it all that drives me crazy. So much of what we do is just not serious by nature and we need to be able to distinguish from those things that are really serious in life and those things that we can give ourselves a pass on and relax a bit.

why-so-serious-little baby

Taking yourself or your role in an organization so seriously either emanates from ego or an anxiety you have about delivering something for other people. Let’s get real with ourselves; isn’t it much more fun and productive when we lighten up a bit? Being serious doesn’t equate to great results. I would argue that great results come from a calm state of mind and even more so from a joyful and happy state of mind. Be goal oriented, care about results, but in doing so lighten up and have fun.

Have fun at work pug.jpg

It is your right to have fun and you don’t need anyone’s permission except your own. I’m not saying give up on your goals and screw around all day, quite the opposite. I am saying that you need to stop being so serious and look for enjoyment, fulfillment, satisfaction, camaraderie, challenge, calmness, and fun in everything you do. There are times to be serious, but 95% of the time focus on making life fun.

Namaste