Tag: happiness

The Current Expectation

The Happiness Movement

There is a movement in recent times that sets an expectation that we can live a life filled with happiness. Gretchen Rubin wrote a book a few years back called the “Happiness Project” where she expounds on a number of ways to increase your level of happiness. We are constantly subjected to a barrage of advertising that shows us how happy people are with that new car, drinking beer at the beach, or taking expensive vacations to Caribbean. All of these things advocate living a lifestyle that will make us happy forever more. There is a high expectation that if you just buy this, learn this, or do this activity happiness will follow.

corona beach

Unfortunately a consistent state of happiness is probably an illusion, and thinking that it is achievable may be somewhat dangerous to enjoying life. What I mean by this is that you are setting an expectation that is not achievable and this will actually cause you to think something is wrong with you if you are not in a constant state of bliss.

Each of us face so many challenges in our life such as health issues, family strife, making a living, and the list goes on and on. Do you really expect that you will feel happy during what are often very negative events that occur? You need to give yourself the opportunity to feel angry, sad, frustrated, inpatient, as these events unfold. That doesn’t mean you wallow in your pain and conduct a lifelong pity party, but allow yourself some time to express your feelings.

“Life is not a big long beer commercial, much of living is also filled with struggle and challenging situations”.

While it is true you can emerge from a painful situation, stronger and wiser, you may even learn something from it, but you will not be in some state of continuous euphoria.

Instead of expecting a life filled with happiness whatever that really means, be realistic and expect that your emotions will rise and fall like the tide. I really like listening to speakers like Les Brown, Tony Robbins, Bob Proctor, Esther Hicks, Mel Robbins, and Jim Rohn; these people are very motivating and can give you some great tips for being more successful and effective in life. Things like the Law of Attraction and the 5 second rule are great tools for enhancing your life, but like any tool it will have its limitations. Most of the time I hover somewhere in between happiness and sadness, somewhere in the middle, not overcome by either emotion.

My parting advice would be:

  • Feel Happy
  • Feel Sad
  • Feel Angry
  • Feel Pain
  • Feel Frustrated
  • Feel Love
  • Live in the Moment

Just don’t fall into the trap that your life should be one where you are in some heightened state of happiness all the time.

Root of Our Suffering

A certain amount of our life is dealing with pain, it happens to all of us, and we can avoid the suffering associated with it, but it is a difficult thing to do. I like the quote below because it resonates with me. I make no claims to have eliminated all attachment in my life, but I agree it is often the source of suffering.

Root of suffering

Namaste

 

Law of Attraction #2

law-of-attraction-5

In the last post Law of Attraction #1 I attempted to explain my macro level view of the law of attraction. I promised that I would try to explain how the law of attraction can be used to help you be happy and fulfilled in your own life. The overall goal for the law of attraction is for you to be happy with your life and to obtain what you want out of life.

For myself I have used the law of attraction to greatly reduce negative thoughts and increase positive results. Remember the law of attraction isn’t some feel good approach to life, although you will feel much better about yourself and others. The law of attraction is a state of the way things work and will exist and function whether you believe it or not. Here are a few ways to start using it to your advantage:

  • Take some time and think about what you want. These can be material things, something you would like to do, places you would like to live or visit, or work that you enjoy. Examples might include but not limited to:
    • A new car (Mustang GT)
    • My own business
    • Enjoying a vacation in Cancun
    • A fulfilling relationship with my significant other
  • Think about why you want these things in a positive way.
  • Write these things down somewhere that you can see them daily, focus on them, feel yourself receiving them.
    • Maybe you put them on a whiteboard, on paper, or some electronic form (computer, phone, etc.). It must be somewhere that will be visible to you as a reminder to yourself where you will focus your thoughts.
  • Do not think about what you don’t want. This is the hardest part because what you think about will be what you are attracting. Don’t fall into the trap that thinking about what you don’t want will motivate you to achieve something else, instead keep the focus only on what you want.
  • Every time you find yourself focusing on something you don’t want consciously make a shift and focus instead on what you want. This gets easier as time goes by and you begin to catch yourself thinking a negative thought and you will quickly remove it from your focus.
  • Begin to monitor what you are exposing yourself to. For me it was turning off the television so that I wasn’t wasting time watching cable news, which was only creating negative thought patterns. Use that time to feed your mind positive information and focus on what you want to attract.
  • Go with the flow, provide your input and advice, but when people don’t act upon it just accept it. Stop focusing on things you cannot change, go with the path of least resistance, it will always be easier to manifest.
  • Believe in yourself, in your dreams, and in the talents you possess. You are a unique creation and you have an unlimited potential to share your talent with the universe.
  • Finally practice being grateful. Being grateful reinforces the power of the law of attraction in a positive way. The power of expressing gratitude alone will only lead to a happier existence.

I think that is enough for today. I would love to hear what you are doing to use the law of attraction to improve your life. More to come on this wonderful subject.

Namaste

The Third Noble Truth

If you read my first two posts where I wrote about the 1st Noble Truth that life includes a lot of suffering and in my next post the 2nd Noble Truth that explained the cause of suffering; you might think that Buddhism is a pretty pessimistic philosophy, but not true my friends. The 3rd Noble Truth is that suffering can be overcome and one can be happy in life. To do this we must give up the craving that causes our suffering. Giving up these cravings for more money, things, power, ego, intoxicants, and the praise of fools can lead us to a life of living in the present and true contentment.

Instead of painting a pessimistic view of life Buddhism encourages to understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and we do not need to suffer. In my next post I will discuss what can be done to end the craving that is the root of so much of our suffering.

If we can overcome our propensity for cravings we can trade a state called suffering for a more positive outcome called Nirvana. So Buddhism is in fact is a very optimistic philosophy that offers a path to a better state of mind.

nirvana

Namaste

Casting off attachments

Casting off attachments

One of the primary concepts in Buddhism is that impermanence is an undeniable fact of human existence.  For each of us this means that nothing in our lives is permanent, not our job, not our health, not our relationships, not even our state of mind. If we can accept that nothing lasts forever and that it will inevitably change then we are more capable of understanding attachment.

Many of us are attached to who we think we are because of what we do for a living. We secretly know that whatever it is we do will not last, but we still place great emphasis on this role. We often use this role in society to attach some value to ourselves, and yes whatever we do is often in exchange for money, so it does have value. It strokes our ego to be paid for some form of expertise and we attach ourselves to this title be it a Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher, Judge, Accountant, CEO, CIO, Director, or whatever it might be. We scheme and plan for the next role using our expertise to acquire more money, a higher position, or some other ego enhancing attribute. We have attached our self to this persona and we find comfort in the fact that others find value in utilizing our skills.

Yet this attachment goes beyond the role we have chosen for ourselves that generates income. We start to attach ourselves to political parties, calling ourselves a Republican, Democrat, or Libertarian. Our attachments are strong, as you have often heard people say I’m a lifelong Republican or Democrat. If this were not enough we attach ourselves to things such as cars, homes, boats, jewelry, stocks, bonds, gold or some other material thing. We attach ourselves to other people like a family member, a spouse, co-worker, or a friend. We also attach ourselves to a self image of the way we look and our health good or bad.

With all these attachments we become very reliant on our role, organizations, health, things, and people for defining our identity. All of this is a house of cards, we will not escape the reality of impermanence, for every one of these things that we think defines our life are constantly changing. These attachments ultimately lead to one disappointment after another, as they unravel before our eyes and I assure you they will.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying what you do for a living, but remember at some point it will change. Even the most successful Doctor finds a time when he or she can no longer practice medicine, or no longer wants to. Strong attachments will create pain as they are broken and this is what this post is about. I’m not advocating that you live a life where you don’t care about anything or anyone, but you must let loose of the attachment to these things. Accept the fact that your life will change and that you will change physically, mentally, and spiritually. Do you really want your self worth tied to some profession? When you were born were you predestined to be a doctor, lawyer, executive, or factory worker? You made choices to pursue various lines of work and became what you pursued. Drop that attachment, you are not what you do for a living, and it does not define you, and as sure as it started it will end or change.

Start thinking about what you are attached to and how you can be open to things beyond your attachments. Can you find it in yourself to be less dependent on what you do for a living, organizations, people, and things. If you can, I assure you that you will become more care free; you will still care but you will not let these attachments dictate your happiness. To free yourself from attachments is a key step to following the way. I will see you on the path.

Namaste

 

It’s a choice – Part 3

It’s a choice – Part 3

I know that in “It’s a choice – Part 2” I mentioned that this post would be about how nutrition contributes to making positive choices, but on further reflection I decided that it is not only obvious, but it is something you can research on your own. I don’t want to insult your intelligence with some rant regarding the virtues of veganism or admonishing simple sugars from you diet. You know what you should be doing, so just do it; remember the saying garbage in, garbage out. It’s not that I won’t write about nutrition, it is is just that there are other things that need to be said regarding choosing a positive path that are maybe less obvious than nutrition.

In “It’s a choice – Part 2” I mentioned that to set the stage for positive outcomes you must prepare yourself with supporting practices such as yoga, walking, or running in the morning, followed by meditation and affirmations. While I am resolute in my support of these practices, I can tell you that they only provide the environment where positive thoughts can grow. Yoga, walking, running, meditation and affirmations are analogous to tilling and watering the soil so crops can grow, but without an adequate amount of sunshine there will be no harvest. This post is about the other factors, that must come into play so that you can reap the harvest of a positive attitude and approach towards your life.

Let’s look at three things you can and must do to make that positive choice in your life on a daily basis.

  1. Cultivating Self Awareness
  2. Living in the present
  3. Being Grateful

Cultivating self awareness should be near the top of your list because without it you will find making daily corrections nearly impossible. If you can have enough awareness to know that a negative stimuli is about to create a negative response you are in a pretty good position to choose a different response. Self awareness allows you to realize when you are starting to go of course and make a correction, otherwise you are likely to continue down whatever negative path you started to go down. These paths might be anger, resentment, a feeling of superiority, or some other negative behavior. Just don’t let self awareness result in some form of self incrimination or guilt. Know that being self aware is a big step in changing or at least minimizing negative behavior, for without it you are just a member of the large group of reacting beings and you know what that often results in.

I’ve written about living in the present in the past, but the importance of it can never be stressed enough. True focus is always in the present and the present is also where happiness exists, certainly not in looking back, and not in the future. There is a quote I really like by Esther Hicks:

“Your life is right now! It’s not later! It’s not in the time of retirement. It’s not when the lover gets here. It’s not when you’ve moved into the new house. It’s not when you get the better job. Your life is right now. It will always be right now. You might at as well decide to start enjoying your life right now, because it’s not ever going to get better than right now-until it gets better right now!”

I think this quote says it better than I could ever say it. Live in the present if you can and you will have become one of the few that understands the absolute power in doing so.

If you struggle with finding ways to appreciate your life, you are probably missing the feeling of being grateful. You will note I didn’t say trying to be grateful, but really feeling grateful or blessed for what you have. If you cannot find a way to feel grateful for what you have you will always be in a state of wanting. People who live their life appreciating what they have will be much happier than  those that are always unsatisfied and wanting more. There are a number of ways you might do this, like daily journals, or going over a list of things you are grateful for, but whatever method you choose it must be a daily occurrence or the mind will wander into the future and your ego will get the best of you. I like to review the 10 or 15 things I am grateful for both big and small things after I am done meditating; this seems to ground me for the day. Another way to feel grateful is to simply look around you, and observe those in the world that have so little; you don’t need to look far.

Finally it is the person that performs these things everyday that reaps the true benefit. I find myself that when I miss my meditation session, which then causes me to miss saying my affirmations and thinking about what I am grateful for, the rest of my day is almost always less satisfying, more stressful, and not a lot of fun. This preparation of your body and mind each days is essential to obtaining the right frame of mind to make positive behavioral choices. I get up at 4:30 a.m. each day and by 5:30 a.m. I am out the door for a run/walk or on my yoga mat, back by 6:00 a.m. to meditate and wrap it up with some affirmations and making sure I am grateful. This might seem extreme, but it is this kind of preparation that gives me the energy and a positive attitude to deal with all the work day challenges.

Try this for a couple of weeks and you will begin to reap the rewards.

Namaste

 

 

 

It’s a choice – Part 2

In “It’s a choice” I discussed the need to make a conscious choice each day. The choice you must make is to choose a positive outlook over potentially negative behavior that is in response to the stimuli around you. Seems pretty simple, but as mentioned in the previous post it isn’t. You need to set the stage for choosing a positive response to life and the challenges you will face on a daily basis. I mentioned that you will need to nourish your mind and your body to prepare yourself for this transformation; failing to do so will leave you susceptible to reacting instead of controlling your behavior. I’m going to make a few suggestions on how you can prepare yourself to begin making those positive choices:

Yoga – practicing yoga can calm your body and your mind. It is more than a form of exercise, and can lead you to discover many things about yourself that few activities can offer. Yoga is also a great prelude to meditation, which I will discuss next.

exercise yoga class

Meditation –  I would recommend that you meditate for at least 10 minutes in the morning, preferably after you have done some form of exercise and before you start your work day. Meditation can help you control your mind by actually quieting it. Over time you will have the ability to center your mind on the present and turn off some of the noise that goes on in your head.

Old zen saying

Affirmations – I was not a big fan on using affirmations until recently. I think they are most effective when they follow your meditation session. You need to come up with a list of 3 to 6 statements that reinforce what you are trying to accomplish. Don’t just read them, say them out loud. Here are the ones I say each day when I’m finished meditating:

  • I am grateful for the opportunity to make today a great day.
  • I am confident in my abilities, and will work with purpose and joy.
  • I will lead by example, being positive, showing appreciation and compassion.
  • I will stay focused on the present, and enjoy each moment.

Affirmations1

This is what I have found effective, but you might find that running is a good substitute for yoga, or taking the dog for a walk, riding a bike, or doing Pilates. The key isn’t so much what you do as long as it is a physical activity that can be a precursor to meditation.

I know you are busy, and don’t have time for a yoga practice and 10 – 20 minutes of meditation, but what if you could make a 30 – 40 minute investment every morning. Maybe you would have to get up a little earlier to fit these things into your day. Remember you are investing in yourself, in your piece of mind.

I’m guessing that in your heart, you know you are worth it.

In “It’s a choice Part 3” I will write about why it is important to understand how your diet influences your ability to make positive choices in your life.

Namaste

 

 

Keep doing the good things

Keep doing the good things

I really tire of the endless dribble regarding New Year’s resolutions, and everyone making such a big deal over the year changing from 2014 to 2015. Sure it is a great excuse to drink yourself into a coma, or do some other mindless activity, but give me a break. Many people feel compelled to decide to make radical changes, and more power to you, but beware these things often go unfulfilled. Let’s take someone who doesn’t exercise regularly and then decides I am going to workout everyday and become physically fit. This will probably last about a week or two and then the person falls back into their old habits, and is now donating to the gym where they bought their membership. If it takes a new year to get you motivated then so be it, but the fact that it will be 2015 doesn’t really instill any resolve in you or will it make much of a difference.

I contend that you must keep doing the good things you have started and if possible do more of them. So if you already exercise regularly then increase the intensity or variety. If you have been working on quitting a bad habit or two, then keep it up. If you are meditating every couple of days, then build on that and do it every morning. If you are generally positive and encouraging to others, then try to be that way all the time. Think of the impact you will have when every day you stay positive during good and bad times, and you complement and encourage those around you instead of criticize. How will you feel about yourself? What will the people you live with and work with think?

It is much easier to exploit some of your good behaviors than to create brand new patterns. I’m not saying you shouldn’t choose to set a new course in your life, but don’t let the start of a new year be the incentive, do it because it makes sense and you have the resolve to stick with it. Take advantage of the good things you do, and do more of them, after all they are already behaviors that can be enhanced and with much less effort. Before you know it, all those good things you are doing are crowding out the not so positive behaviors and the world will seem like a better place. I will end this post with the following quote by Aristotle:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”  Aristotle

Happy New Year and keep doing the good things.

The world belongs to you

I was thinking about a quote that I posted to Twitter and my blog yesterday. The quote is as follows:

“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu Lao Tzu was a philosopher and poet of ancient China. He is best known as the reputed author of the Tao Te Ching and the founder of philosophical Taoism, but he is also revered as a deity in religious Taoism and traditional Chinese religions. Wikipedia

I hesitate to over analyze this quote as it is so well written, and I would never attempt to modify it, but we can at least use this time to appreciate what it is telling us. To be content with what you have may be best understood as to be content with the material possessions, vocation, and relationships. The next statement says to rejoice in the way things are, not be satisfied with the way things are but to rejoice in them. If one can find contentment in what they have and rejoice in the way things are it leads to a realization that nothing is lacking. If a person can then have an attitude that nothing is lacking then the world belongs to you. Breaking it down to something we could begin our mediation sessions with we might form an affirmation like:

  • I am content with all I have
  • I am overjoyed by the way things are
  • I lack for nothing
  • My mind is clear of distractions
  • I can accomplish anything

If my mindset consists of continuously wanting something, feeling depressed about not having it, comparing myself to others I will surely compromise any chance for contentment. All the shiny objects you desire fade away once they are under your possession, the new car feeling quickly fades, and you become a junkie to materialism looking for another fix. The endless cycle of desire, acquisition, and never enough, only begets unhappiness. Try to start each day with the affirmation above to begin reversing the years of your addiction to things and comparison to others.

Thanks Lao Tzu.

Namaste

Too busy to meditate?

Too busy to meditate?

There is an old Zen saying that goes something like this:

“You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. Unless you’re too busy; then you should sit for an hour”

I have been guilty of going not just days, but weeks without meditating because I claim to be just too busy. Going back to the Zen saying it becomes obvious that the busier you are the more you need to meditate. The world will not stop if you sit for 20 minutes, in reality there is nothing you can do to make it all go away. Your only respite in a busy world may just be the thing that you don’t have time for. The question is can you afford not to meditate? An existence that is so busy that you cannot find 20 minutes out of the 16 waking hours, is an issue unto itself. If you are feeling like a puppet on a string, then you have yet another reason to meditate so that you can be less overwhelmed by it all. It all comes down to how much you value your piece of mind. I like to refer to a quote from Buddha:

What have I gained from meditation

So it appears it is not what you have gained but what you will lose by meditating. As I mentioned before I have fallen prey to the I’m just too busy syndrome, and vow that this must be reversed.

Now I need to go sit for a while, come join me if you can.

Namaste

Stop wasting time on Friday

As the week winds down you finally get to Friday, which for many employees turns out to be the most unproductive day of the week. Most of us are looking forward to the week being over and may be even a bit burned out, and by noon productivity begins to dip. I’ve experienced this many times myself as we use what is left of our precious energy to get through the remaining hours of the day so we can get out of there. I’m going to suggest an alternative for the Friday malaise, and it has to do with using what you have left in the tank mentally and physically to do something that produces value for you and your employer.

Friday1

The suggestion is to devote as much of the day as possible to planning and cleanup activities. So instead of watching the clock and generally wasting time waiting to get the hell out of there you have something to do that occupies your time and can help you achieve your goals. The following activities and benefits provide the basis for making Friday a productive day versus a waste of time:

  • Activity: Plan out all your meetings for the upcoming week, schedule your conference rooms, and align your calendar with your to do list. Benefit: This sets you up for success on Monday and you now have a well thought out plan of attack for the week.
  • Activity: Cleanup your email, file everything in folders, respond to any outstanding emails, and delete all the stuff you don’t need. I try to get it down to maybe a dozen messages in my inbox. Benefit: Again you are doing some pretty easy work, and when you come in on Monday you start with a clean inbox. This allows you to focus on the present and the future and not have to deal with unread emails from the previous week.
  • Activity: Update your to do list or project schedules, adjusting due dates, adding tasks, and marking tasks complete. Benefit: Now instead of spending precious time next week you have a current to do list and project schedules. While this takes a bit of thought and planning it is not overly taxing.
  • Activity: Last but not least plan out what you will do this weekend, if you are like me you have been so busy all week that you haven’t had time to think about what you want to accomplish this weekend. I use an app called Wunderlist for my personal to do list manager because it is simple and works on various devices like my notebook computer, chrome book, and my android phone. Benefit: Instead of ending the day and having no plans for the weekend you now have a pretty good idea of the things you would like to accomplish and planned some recreational time.

None of the above mentioned activities require a lot of brain power, but they all provide value and set the stage for a more productive upcoming week. Because we are generally low on energy, focus on the planning and cleanup activities if you can, and save the stuff that takes real effort for Monday through Thursday. We all need some time to reflect and plan; contrary to what you may think this investment will pay dividends over time. The trick is to take care of the critical things on Friday morning and then if possible devote the afternoon to these these planning and cleanup activities.

I realize this doesn’t apply to all roles and jobs, but there are an awful lot of occupations where this can work.

Have a great weekend, I need to start planning.