Month: November 2024

Challenges for the Householder – Time to Practice

Introduction

This post explores the challenge of finding time to practice for the Buddhist householder. The origin of this post comes from Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism where I introduced some of the challenges and advantages of studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. If you haven’t read that post I would suggest doing so before proceeding.

Challenge

As a householder you are almost certainly to have many competing priorities for your time. These challenges might include a career, family, spouse or significant other, hobbies, home maintenance, and a litany of other things vying for your time. Contrast this to the monastic that has chosen to devote the vast majority of their time to their Buddhist practice with few obligations outside of their practice, but possibly some work related to maintaining the monastery where they live.

The Buddhist householder by nature has limited time to devote to their practice and is often confronted with a society where a lot of incredibly shitty behavior is the norm. As a householder living in a Western society you are bombarded with messaging that includes advertising that encourages greed, self interest, materialism, violence, and other forms of depravity. Where our counterpart the monastic lives a more isolated less material existence. Who has more time to practice? Who has less external influences that compete with achieving the goals for their practice?

As a householder it is much more likely that you will have lapses in your practice. These are times when all the other things you need to do leave you overwhelmed and your practice suffers. This happens to me and I feel that a lapse of even a couple of days begins to affect my behavior. I start becoming less tolerant of others, more judgmental, and instead of being happy I find I start complaining about everything.

Solution

If you want to call yourself a Buddhist you must prioritize your practice. You will make little progress if you meditate once a week and infrequently study the Dharma. In my own experience you need to devote at least 30 to 60 minutes a day to meditate and study the dharma. As a householder there will be times when that is not possible so you must grant yourself the freedom to deviate from the plan from time to time. However, with that said, long lapses in your practice will have negative effects as I mentioned above. I won’t sugar coat it, as like any good habit discipline is paramount to success as a Buddhist. Like every other worthwhile thing in life from exercise, to diet, painting, writing, relationships, and playing music consistency with your Buddhist practice is required.

My attempt at humor

Also remember you don’t leave your Buddhist practice on the mediation cushion. The whole point is that your behavior begins to reflect your practice and in fact is part of your practice. When you cannot just endure, but be somewhat unfazed by the daily challenges of life, you find that your practice is working. You will find that you are more present, less disturbed by all the bullshit, and you are just happier.

Conclusion

While the Buddhist householder is challenged to find time for their practice, the challenge can be overcome with discipline and the integration of your practice into your daily activities. Can you put a price on happiness?

I’m not sure this is a quote from the Buddha, but it does speak to the benefits of your practice

The opportunity to become or maybe unveil the Buddha nature that exists deep within you is your reward. The widely held belief in Buddhism is that we all have Buddha nature at the core of our being. Often it is obscured or covered up with layers of past conditioning, but it exists. Your practice will help you uncover it. Ultimately you will either make the investment that your Buddhist practice requires or continue on with your life the way it is.

I would be interested in the challenges you have finding time for your practice. Leave a comment and we can have a dialog about your thoughts.

Namaste

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Deferring Happiness

Deferring Happiness post quote by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

I’ve recently written about various ways to foster more happiness in your life including yoga, meditation, expressing gratitude, and caring for your physical health. All of these things are wonderful ways to be happier, but still we are not as happy as we could be. Most of us are trapped in thinking that happiness is something we defer until we retire, buy that new house, find a better job, create our own business, have a more fulfilling relationship with our significant other, or any other number of things we feel will make us happy in the future.

Deferring Happiness into the Future

Unfortunately this deferring of happiness based on some future event is robbing us of it in the present. I’m not advocating that you abandon your dreams or stop pursuing your goals, but thinking that these things will make you happier is a fallacy. Don’t let the things you want in the future delay the opportunity to be happy today. Each moment that you impose these walls around yourself that are blocking you from being happy in the now is time wasted. That expensive new car, home, or pile of money will only provide temporary happiness; find a way to enjoy today for that is all you are guaranteed. No one is assured of tomorrow, no matter what your age or health. How many years will you have wasted waiting for happiness? If I only had more money, a better job, a more attractive spouse, or a bigger house, I could be truly happy. This self deception is stealing away the days, leaving you less available to those around you. Pursue your goals, but make it your purpose to be happy during the journey, not the manifestation of these things you think you want in the future.

If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.
― Roy T. Bennett

Conclusion

Whatever you might achieve is achieved in the present moment. It is perfectly natural for human beings to want to improve their life, but thinking that some version of the future you or your future life will result in some increased level of happiness is at best speculation. However, experiencing the journey of becoming a better person in the present moment can bring happiness. Some people refer to this as being in the zone, but I would say that this is being fully present in everything you do. When you cook a meal, eat the food, take a walk, read, or talk to someone make sure you grant yourself permission to do just that thing and without thoughts of what I need to do in the future. I leave you with this Thich Nhat Hanh quote:

Thich Nhat Hanh picture

The heart of Buddhist practice is to generate our own presence in such a way that we can touch deeply the life that is here and available in every moment. We have to be here for ourselves; we have to be here for the people we love; we have to be here for life with all its wonders. The message of our Buddhist practice is simple and clear: “I am here for you”.  Thich Nhat Hanh

 

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Namaste

Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism

Exploring the Householder Path in Buddhism

Householder

For over 20 years I have been studying and practicing Buddhism as a householder. My interest in Buddhism began in my early forties, and now in my sixties I have a great appreciation for how this ancient philosophy has impacted my life for the better. One way to define a householder is to state what they are not. A householder is not a monk that has left their home for the monastic life. Conversely a householder as the name implies may live in a house or apartment, with or without other family members, and have a job at some point in their life. As I refer to the terms householder and layperson please consider them as the same thing for the purposes of this post. The other key difference between the layperson and the monastic is that the monastic has devoted their life to Buddhism, where the layperson has not. You probably know this already, but in pursuit of being complete I included this definition of the householder / layperson.

Challenges for the Householder

In my next few blog posts I will address the challenges of the layperson in greater detail, but for those of you that are already a Buddhist or those considering Buddhism becoming part of your life it is important to consider the challenges. It is important to know that you are not alone and there millions of people that consider themselves Buddhist’s that are not monastics. In fact householders would be the vast majority of Buddhists. I would never want to give the impression that any of these challenges are insurmountable. To me these are some of the challenges not to be confused with impediments. While not an exhaustive list, these are some of the challenges I have encountered:

  • Time to Practice – Unlike the monastic the householder must divide their time between their role in society, family, and work leaving much less time for their practice than a monastic.
  • Learning the Dharma – The householder may not have a teacher, where the monastic most certainly will. This brings out a another challenge of how does the layperson learn and interpret the dharma?
  • Meditation – In some ways this is both a time issue and an issue of not having a teacher. How do you learn to meditate without a teacher? This also is directly related to “Time to Practice”.
  • Enlightenment – What is your path to enlightenment? Is it reasonable goal for the householder? Do you think a layperson can become enlightened?
  • Community – The monastic has the Sangha. The Sangha is made up of Buddhist monks and nuns, or bhikkhus and bhikkhunis, who follow a strict code of discipline and teach the Dharma to other Buddhists. Typically as a householder you have no one but yourself to make you accountable for your practice. How does the householder acquire a community of like minded people all studying the dharma, meditating together, and seeking Nibbāna?

Householder Advantages

Being a householder myself, I would be remiss if I omitted the advantages that I see for this lifestyle over that of the monastic. You might think that the householder is at a big disadvantage in advancing their practice verses the monastic, but in some ways the opposite is true.

  • Access to the Dharma – Over the past few decades we have seen the dharma made available to the householder in books, websites, social media, blogs, and audio recordings about Buddhism. In fact you have access to materials that even the monastic is likely to never read or listen to.
  • Integration – Unlike the monastic you will need to integrate Buddhism into a life that might include a job, family, friends, owning or renting a home. In many ways this is an opportunity to gauge how well your practice is progressing as you deal with the everyday issues and challenges faced by the layperson.
  • Customizing your Practice – As a householder your exposure to the dharma (teachings) may include different Buddhist sects such as Mahayana, Zen, Vajrayana, Tibetan, or Theravada. It is likely that your discovery of the dharma will come from various sources and in my way of thinking this may be an advantage, allowing you to customize your practice based on different texts. As a householder you might view the tenants of Buddhism in a somewhat broader context than a monastic being taught say Zen Buddhism.

Conclusion

I’m going to keep this intentionally short because I would like to do followup posts for each of the challenges and advantages for the householder listed above. One should also consider that the vast majority of those that consider themselves Buddhist’s are householders. My guess is that if you are reading this post you are a householder that is practicing Buddhism or have an interest in it.

In future posts, I would like to make a case for the Buddhist practice for the householder. The idea of the householder becoming a Buddhist is more relevant today, than it was 2500 years ago when the Buddha walked this earth. The access we have to the Dharma and tools like social media help us overcome some of the impediments we face living the life of a householder vs. a monastic. In this world consumed by greed, lust, destruction, and violence we need a north star to guide us towards a more meaningful existence and some modicum of happiness. I sincerely believe Buddhism can provide this and more…..

Call to Action

I would love to hear what you think about the challenges or advantages you encounter as Buddhist householder or someone that is interested in Buddhism.

References and Notes:

Nibbāna is the goal of many Buddhist paths and leads to release from the cycle of rebirth and suffering. For reference Nibbāna is the Pali word for Nirvana (enlightenment).

In Buddhism, dharma is the doctrine, the universal truth common to all individuals at all times, proclaimed by the Buddha.

“Copyright 2024 TheStoicBuddhist.com“

Please check out my companion blog inspirationalbookreviews.com

I appreciate all comments and likes. Please follow my blog and you will be emailed of all new posts.

Namaste