When does self analysis become self absorbed?

self_introspection

Introspection is a good thing to a point, but just like everything else you can take it to far. I am the king of taking a good thing too far, flying right by that sweet spot that most people stop at. Don’t get me wrong it is great to be able to understand your own thinking and behavior, having the ability to analyze what you are thinking and feeling gives you opportunities to actually catch yourself when you are beginning to get negative or least minimize the damage. Often all this self-analysis will be followed by a quest to further understand your mind, and then your off on this self-improvement journey and before you know it you find out that a significant portion of your day has elapsed.

Now here is the problem, all this self-analysis and subsequent efforts invested in self-improvement have now severely impacted your ability to just be in the present. Being in the present is also where real work is accomplished, where things actually get done. I have often found that my obsession with self-analysis turned into being self-absorbed, not being fully present for others, failing to enjoy each moment. I am not advocating that you stop studying Buddhism or quit analyzing your thoughts, but don’t let that be your focus at the expense of being fully present for your co-workers, friends, family, and significant others.

Maybe there is a fine line between self-awareness and becoming self-absorbed, and once that line is crossed you are no longer as much a member of the human race, but instead an observer. It may get to the point where you think you are different or god forbid better than everyone else, so then where does that leave you?

Something to think about anyway.

Namaste

 

Are you introspective?

To me the word introspective means realizing your own behavior and actions, in essence analyzing them sometimes even in real-time. The definition of introspection from Merriam Webster is as follows:

“a reflective looking inward :  an examination of one’s own thoughts and feelings”

Here are a few synonyms for introspective that are related to this post:

  • inward looking
  • self analyzing
  • contemplative
  • thoughtful
  • meditative
  • reflective

True interpersonal growth is hard to come by without introspection. It is increasingly difficult to change behavior when you don’t even understand its existence. I often observe myself being critical, or engaging in some negative behavior either as it is occurring or immediately after it occurred. These are learning moments, and although it sometimes takes repeated observations, these observations almost always result in a change of behavior. Maybe the the introspection identifies a trigger that is creating the behavior. For instance every-time I come into contact with a particular person they talk about politics or religion and that in turn triggers a critical response from me and I become argumentative. Knowing the trigger that is causing my own undesirable behavior, I now have a choice to either avoid the individual or choose to react differently to them. If I choose not to analyze the behavior, I will repeat it again and again, always with the same result.

Dali Lama Everyone else

Next time you become critical, angry, abusive, judgmental, accusatory, or exhibit any other negative emotion, stop and think about why you feel this way. Analyze your thoughts and determine if these feelings are justified in any way, what is my perception of the events leading to these thoughts, what might be triggering them? If you cannot be introspective you will forever be repeating the undesirable behavior, making yourself and everyone around you miserable. I like the quote above by the Dali Lama as we often seek to blame others for the way we feel, when it is the way we perceive the events and interactions that brings us sorrow.

The question is can we change ourselves by controlling our emotions?

Can we be accountable for the way we feel?

Can we ultimately change our response, perception, and behavior?

Namaste